This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Cc 4 months ago.
March 24, 2019 at 2:51 am #743835
Rekindle a relationship with my first after he split with his wife. It’s been 12yrs now and in the beginning, it was a really good relationship. We did things together and really enjoyed each other. My father passed left me the home which is free and clear. A month later, he needed a place to stay. No problem, we are together most of the time anyways. That was about 6 years age, he’s still here and I was ok with it. He paid his way and was not taking advantage of things. His brother passed and the ex was at the funeral with the kids, later she texted him about my attire and said you shouldn’t be spending money on that B****, you need to spend it on your kids. Since then I rarely get a dime, but he sends his 14yr old dgtr approx $400 a month and also send his son money sometimes who is 15 yrs old. There are no boundaries, but what about the water, cable, electric & gas, food, toiletries, etc where you stay? I understand he is supposed to give to them, but he really feels he can afford to put out all this money. He’s a laborer no, you don’t have it like that especially in the winter. If he was on his own, he wouldn’t be able to spend as he does. Paycheck to paycheck. He never takes me out any more, I may take us out and foot the bill sometimes. He because a deacon at my church 3yrs ago, that was great. Now, he felt the need to give a female member $100 and I just happen to find out. I’m feeling like he will do for anyone else except me because I work and save my money mainly be3cause I want a 2nd home. At church, he’s one way and at home another. Can’t have a conversation with him because he gets defensive and turns it into an argument every time. Then he tears my house up putting his things in plastic bags and then he calms down and wants to talk about how he feels never listening to me. If I start talking he walks away to the bathroom or outside to smoke, but I can sit and listen to him for 30 mins uninterrupted. I’m about ready to call it quits, this relationship is for his convenience now and it’s not right. I’m bored and miserable and just want the opinion others about this 59yr old black man.March 24, 2019 at 3:08 am #743837
Sorry for the typos, lol.March 24, 2019 at 4:59 am #743841
This does seem like a relationship just for him. Just write everything you want to say on a paper. Try to talk to him and if he doesnt listen go give him that letter and walk away.
See how he reacts and you’ll know what to do then.
Hope it works out for you one way or the otherMarch 24, 2019 at 6:43 am #743844
You’re allowing yourself to be a doormat and taken advantage of. Now he feels he’s in complete control, and probably will not go quietly and peacefully if you were to end things. I’d seek legal advice for getting him out your house. When you got with him it didn’t seem to matter he’s a black man (that’s what you wanted), so not sure why you’re pointing it out now?March 24, 2019 at 7:53 am #743851
Not sure why the color of his skin is relevant… A poor partner is a poor partner.
Tell him to pay up or move on/out…March 24, 2019 at 8:20 am #743853
T from NY
This is not love. And does not even sound like healthy friendship. You are enough. You’ve done enough. You do not want a person in your life that treats you this way. He is controlling and using you. Your gut is telling you what to do. I hope at some point you’ll feel strong and brave enough to listen to it.
PS — I’ve seen his type before. When you actually begin to stand up to him and he sees you are serious – he may change his ways slightly. Or make all kinds of promises he WILL keep, for a hot minute. But it will not last. Not unless you do not deviate, put your foot down and do not turn back. Then – he MIGHT realize he cares for you, see you in a new light and adjust his behavior. But more likely he will just find someone else to move in with and live off of.
You deserve better obviously.March 24, 2019 at 9:29 am #743858
Better off single
I was in a relationship like this. Get out while you still can.March 24, 2019 at 9:37 am #743860
Old dogs won’t learn new tricks
He won’t change.March 24, 2019 at 11:35 am #743874
First of all he SHOULD be sending his daughter child support!! And $400 a month seems pretty reasonable to me. But if that little bit of money is all he makes in a month at 59 years old so he can’t give any to you for his share of household bills then it’s never going to get any better. But frankly you’ve been putting up with it for 6 years now so he’s wondering why you have a problem with it all the sudden. My ex was the same way about his alcoholism. It’s like he couldn’t understand why we still argued about it for 24 years!
Whoever said you need to get legal advice on getting him out of your home before you proceed…I agree! Make sure you are ready when you tell him to get out. My ex husband didn’t work for the last 8 years of our marriage so I knew he didn’t have the means to move out on his own. I had to be ready and have a plan when I knew I wanted a divorce. Be smart and get out now before you let it drag on for 12 more years!!!March 24, 2019 at 12:27 pm #743877
Why are you giving him all the power to dictate the terms of your relationship and housing arrangements? He’s only doing what YOU allow him to do so what incentive does he have to change it if you keep letting him do it?
When you continue to enable his behavior (give him permission) then he’s going to keep doing it. Reverse the roles. If it was his house and he was paying for everything and you gave nothing, what incentive would you have to change it if its working so well for you? How long do you think that would work for you? Up to the point he said he had enough and told you to get out. The first time he stopped paying his share and taking you out was the time you should have addressed it by saying “this isn’t working for me. If you can’t be an active partner in this relationship then you have to go.”
This is why there are courts. The Courts establish what a parent has to pay based on their income and cost of living. He absolutely should be paying child support but he absolutely needs to pay the cost of living too and you have the right to evict him if he does not.
Again, unless you’re fully ready to say NO MORE and stand firm that you will no longer tolerate a squatter residing with you, then he’s going to keep doing what he’s been doing as he has no incentive to change if you keep giving him permission to do it.March 24, 2019 at 7:08 pm #743932
So many useless men taking advantage of hard working women!
Kick him to the curb please!May 21, 2019 at 12:02 am #750600
ok i am testingMay 21, 2019 at 1:32 am #750607
Like IQ…May 21, 2019 at 8:13 pm #750795
Kick his sorry ass out! He obviously needs YOU to survive! Move on. If he won’t leave , get the police involved- you are gonna be his sugar mama forever. What’s in it for you?! Sounds like a lot of drama for nothing