Home › Forums › Texting Advice › What’s up with ‘Hang out’ ?
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M..
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M.
Hi,
I met this guy online and he was such a gentleman in first date. He walked me to my car which was parked so far 😅. Anyway, he asked me for a movie date which was fun then we went to drink which ended up me being in his house. After that we texted back and forth but he didn’t initiate any date. Just got text from him asking if I’m free tonight and want to hang out an watch movie in his house.. hang out is not a date, is it ?I’m so sad . What can I say to make him initiate dates again or have I mess it up already by staying over?
Anon
Two things are not good about his message- asking you to meet on the same day (inconsiderate of your time) and asking you to come to his house to watch a movie (low effort).
You re-calibrate this by saying- no- I can’t come over tonight. And then no to anything he asks you to do on the same day. If he then pursues again the home date, you can return with – actually I’m interested in doing….. or seeing..
then see his response. Accept only what you want to do- pretty simple :)M.
@Anon : thank you. Just sent a text saying can’t.
I’m a bit scared he won’t ask me again for anything again but don’t want to go hang out either so not much I can do.T from NY
Stop being scared to see who he is and what he’s about. He’s either a gentleman open to a relationship and likes you. Or he’s a normal dude who trying to see how quickly he can bed you. Unfortunately going back to his the very first date may have communicated you’re down for casual.
It’s easy. If he likes you – he’ll wanna see you again. Depending on what you’ve already written you can say – “I had a great time last date – but I typically don’t do home dates until I know someone better. Would love to see you again!”
If you already said you wanna see him – let him lead and no need to say anything further. Do not text first or check in. If he asks to “hang” again, you can send him the above. No man that’s a gentleman gets upset when a woman lays down her boundaries. In fact they respect you more. Be wary though – this guy sounds like he’s just looking for fun.
Liz Lemon
Just to clarify, did you have sex with him when you stayed over? If you did then he probably has the impression that you’re fine with just hanging at his house for sex.
The other posters here have given good advice. You’ll just have to let him lead. If he likes you and wants to get to know you, he’ll take you out on dates. If he just wants last minute booty calls at his house, then you know what he’s about.
Colleen
It’s a signal that he doesn’t like you enough to take the time and expense to invest in a real date. Don’t feel sad…… disappointed, maybe.
Obviously if you take his offer you will be a booty call. Good for you for seeing through his scam.
He may think all women are just this easy.
different Raven
M.-
I would completely let him go. Here’s why:
1 The vibe I get from you is he’s the only person you’re even close to dating/giving you attention
2 he’s taken a ton of space in your head, but not in an excitement way, in a needy, “i need to make this work!” way.
3 if you start settling for any behavior that makes your sad or that you deem unacceptable now, you’ve pretty much killed your chances for no amazing behavior from this guy in the future.
Last- to anyone reading this, I would HIGHLY caution going home with a man met online the first date! Surprised nobody mentioned that. Do public places for a long time (three months) until you truly feel comfortable, make HIM pay and work for it, if you stay with him text a trusted guy or girlfriend well in advance who could come help in case things went south.
Work on building up your self-esteem and these issue will work themselves out. You are a prize to be won, new guys should work for you.
Raven
Get a new handle… This one’s already taken-
M.
Sorry for late reply. I was reading all the threads here.
I went with him on second date not that it matters now 😅.
He sent another text asking if I wanted to go for a hike but I had plan with others so we might catch up soon for a walk..
But I will try not to take it seriously. I was reading some other thread and most of it says not to fall for a guy who just came out of a relationship. He broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years last year. He was telling me that I’m the first person he has gone on a date in years. I do quite like him but I’m assuming it’s better if he dates for a while whereas I feel like I’m ready to settle in.
I did meet 1 other guy but date was just okay. I don’t know how to date the ‘hang out’ but try not to be serious about it . -
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