What to do…

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This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Linda 5 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #758863 Reply


    Hello everyone

    Just wondering what to do…chatting to a guy last Friday on bumble, really hit it off. Chatting on the phone loads, met on Monday, got on well, lots of chat about a potential future etc, spark, lots in common, he says he is looking for a long term relationship. He asked to meet today but I havent heard from him since Thursday since my last message. He had been very full on before that with contact. I also found his profile on POF and he is on it loads, he hasn’t seen me yet. So safe to say he is chatting to plenty others and maybe some thing better came along to excite him..which is the usual story I find with online dating..

    I’m used to people online, everyone is disposable but I rarely meet someone with this connection.

    So would you contact him? Or should I just let it be.


    #758864 Reply


    Ask yourself why you are interested in chasing a man who’s chasing loads of women online?

    What happens if you are being chased? You run away.

    What happens when you seen a guy spending lots of time of dating sites? You feel insecure.

    What happens when they stop responding? You feel lost and alone.

    So the true answer to your question is “why do I want to put myself in a no-win position?

    #758868 Reply


    In your mind your really hit it off. And you have no obvious connection. If you did he would be dating you.

    #758869 Reply


    Why would a guy who hasn’t even met you even talk about a future with a woman he doesn’t even know.

    #758875 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Don’t contact him. If he were serious about seeing you again, he would have set a date and time. You say you met on Monday and there was a connection, but he may not have felt one. Or, he may have met someone he liked better since then. It does happen with online dating.

    You have to be careful with guys that are “full on” (come on hot and heavy) from the very start. If things start heavy, they often burn out quickly. For example, you said you were discussing a “potential future” already– it was way too soon for that.

    #758877 Reply


    Thanks all

    I have a few friends on POF, so I asked them if they could chat to him also as I want to know if I had my time wasted again, turns out I had. He gave his phone number to two of my friends really quickly, as in after a few texts and he told one of them he was not looking for a relationship at all but some fun…so that’s the end of that then :). At least my time was only wasted for a week.


    #758878 Reply


    And you wasted more time and energy having your friends contact him and check up on him.

    If a man isn’t contacting you to ask for another date, you have all the information you need. Not interested, not available, whatever.

    Please raise your standards. You shouldn’t be so easily impressed. That would stop your time being wasted, if you really value it that much. Don’t get excited about first dates. I don’t get excited about a man for at least six months of him consistently showing me he’s interested in me and meets my standards.

    You have to be a better picker if you’re going to do online dating.

    #758879 Reply


    Kristy, he was asking to meet for a date, right up until Thursday. I wasn’t getting excited but I was dealing with a man who was intense and forward and then dropped off the face of the planet on Thursday. There is no standard anymore on online dating..you are very lucky to meet someone genuine. Everyone is disposable. And I have my time wasted all the time trying to find out if this guy is genuine or not. I am mostly dealing with men who put in a lot of effort and time and then just disappear. So it hard to know who you are dealing with.

    I’m glad you are having a better experience

    #758894 Reply


    What’s with he wasted time. Dating is about taking time to get to know someone. You have to invest time to get to know someone.

    #758921 Reply


    Linda, you seem to have a real bug up your butt about “your time being wasted.” if you’re having your time wasted all the time to find out of if someone is genuine, then you should just take a break from online dating for a while. There have never been “standards” in online dating, it’s a free for all. That’s the nature of it. It’s always been caveat emptor and always will be. That’s nothing new.

    I’m with Kristy, you have to screen them better than you are. You sound like you’re really frustrated. It’s funny how when you say “I don’t want this” you get more of it. Whenever you push against something it persists. Just back off for a while and go back when you’re not so annoyed.

    The fact that he was so full on at first should have been a major red flag. You say you weren’t excited about him yet it sounds like you were already invested because you thought you had a “connection.”

    Don’t want your time wasted? Stop putting so much time and energy into online dating in the first place. Have your standards in place, don’t talk to guys who don’t match up, then you go date by date. And keep living your life and seeing multiple guys until enough time has passed for someone to stand out and for you to know who he really is.

    #758923 Reply


    Olivia,I’m talking about the men online that I’ve come across have no standards (I have standards), I think a lot of guys online (and maybe women) will get with anything. Which is why I’m not interested in them.

    I was off it for a year until 2 weeks ago and it seems from being off it, that it’s getting worse. More and more time wasters….

    #758924 Reply


    It depends a bit on how old you are and the size of the city but if those are in your favour i would go with off line dating and pick hobbies or classes men tend to pick as well, like oil painting class or photograhy, piano, golf, winetasting, tennis etc.
    Of course you can find someone on line but the amount of tome waisters are numerous. Or go with a paid on line dating service

    #758926 Reply


    @Linda I think it’s time to just stop online dating and do IRL activities as Newbie suggested.

    #759184 Reply

    Better off single

    I see online dating as forcing a square peg in a round hole. You want it to be in there so bad and you’re looking for a solution to make the darn square peg fit. Maybe you think if you twist it hard enough you could just…maybe…screw it in there. If you’re successful, something still just doesn’t seem right.

    Have high standards. That’s good. Stick with them. Lower your expectations and get used to being constantly disappointed.

    #759197 Reply


    when a man you meet online comes on too strong in a very brief period of time, it usually means there is something fishy. they sense the woman’s desperation and frustration to find a partner/a compatible bf. and they prey on it. you have to learn the trick of being friendly but not too friendly. interested but no desperation. you got taken in by a player and hence you feel upset. so learn to discern the genuine ones amongst the online players who hunt on womens’ vulnerabilities and use them. chill. he is not worth stressing over or feeling upset about.

    #760012 Reply


    Thanks everyone. He is officially gone. He unfriended me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and blocked me on what’s app even though I didn’t try to contact him, he had stalked me and found my accounts 2 weeks ago. The last time he spoke he was sooooo looking forward to seeing me… but somehow got turned off or turned on by someone else very quickly 🙄. I guess that’s online dating

    #760020 Reply


    I like that you have friends who can spy for you. It’s so sneaky but I think that’s a great idea.

    #760025 Reply


    I can’t believe you know a guy a few weeks and give him access to all your social media. Then he blocks you. So juvenile. I’m guessing you guys are about 16

    #760028 Reply


    Honestly, my friend has created a fake POF account and we use it all the time to find out what type of moral compass we are dealing with. This guy sent his phone number to my friends fake account after a few messages. There are no photos on this account and this account gets about 100 messages a day from men. It’s a real eye opener.

    I wish I was 16. But we had some much in common and he seemed so nice, I thought we could be friends it there wasn’t anything romantic there. I have made friends from online dating. I just thought it would be me unfriending or un matching considering it was him that ghosted me and he didn’t seem to care…

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