What should I do (I love him)


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This topic contains 26 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Bedazzle 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #709358 Reply

    Somegal

    I’ve been in a relationship for a month. He was really proud of me he introduced me to the whole family and everyone he loved. I then messed it up because I was jealous of his friend and accused him of cheating. I was about to leave him but I decided to stay. I had to beg him for 2 hours straight to stay together with me. He then accepted it and he was lovely again but he needed some space at times. I was stupid and took it badly. He said that he wouldn’t be able to see me next weekend because he wants ti sleep unless I let him. Here was the second small argument. He was texting me and calling that he’s sorry for being rude and he still wants me (he was rude). I ignored him and it made it even worse as that’s what his ex done to him.. We broke up because of that mainly. I was begging him to stay but he didn’t want to. We then met to pick up my clothes. I could feel he still likes me because of his actions and he nearly gave me a chance but then said we are on 0 and I need to make my way up again. We been talking everyday since then. But I made him angry again by saying that we’re still together. He said we are on 0, being persistent is just making it worse. Make your way up. It can’t just happen over night. We still talk but maybe less now. At times he needs time but other times he responds quick. He is aware of how nice times we spent together. I noticed if I bring up other guys he gets jealous. So he still cares pretty much, he sends me a snapchat streak and always updates me if he’s outside or something interesting happened (he got new watch and asked for my opinion). What do you think?

    #709365 Reply

    Raven

    You’ve been together how long?
    WAY to much drama!!

    #709368 Reply

    Somegal

    For a month but we were constantly talking and for first 2 weeks we meet daily then we spent at least 3 days together per week. Is there any chance and what should I do.

    Times we spent together were perfect.

    #709369 Reply

    Bedazzle

    I agree with Raven, way too much drama. I think you set the stage for the relationship and drama is what is going to continue. If a man I just started seeing accused me of cheating I would’ve left.

    I also think your feelings of love for him are more likely a dopamine surge versus actual feelings. You don’t know this man. I read a dating book years ago where the male author recommended that you don’t commit to a man until you’ve seen how he behaves when he’s angry. I think there is wisdom in that statement.

    Who knows what is going to happen with this relationship but I would recommend that you start working on personal growth. Until you can become comfortable and secure in your own skin you will keep looking to men to validate you. There is nothing more destructive to self-esteem than looking for external people to bolster it.

    Once you are happy and secure in yourself you will attract a good man. Not saying this guy isn’t but he is responding to your drama which indicates it will continue as long as the two of you communicate the way you are. Good luck.

    #709370 Reply

    Pam

    IYou broke up twice in only four weeks of dating. That doesn’t sound perfect at all. Why are you so insecure and jealous? It’s clear that he is now turned off by you. At this point you aren’t a girlfriend. You are just a woman he is talking to. I’m no sure exactly what he means by you being at zero, but I guess that means he doesn’t have any feelings for you. It’s a really bad sign when you have to begs a man for two hours to stay with you.

    #709371 Reply

    Anne

    You need to learn the role of a boyfriend. Looks like you thought he was to be your entire world, he was to envelope you and be your shadow. You were too intense.

    You were judging his friendship with some gal, as if you own him.

    Young girls do this a lot. They are so excited to get a boyfriend, they forget he is an independent human, they think he is their personal assistant.

    Next time, slow down.

    Him telling you zero, sounds like he is saying it’s your job to be on good behavior and maybe you will have a chance. That is baloney. That’s not how adults relate.

    You just need a little more experience and maturity. Learn from this. Stop begging him. Move on and be more confident and observant next time. Observe silently.

    #709384 Reply

    Joe

    You’re a drama queen. Leave the guy alone. He deserves someone more stable.

    @Bedazzle – She’s the one who accused him of cheating.

    #709391 Reply

    Bedazzle

    Yes, Joe, I know that. She started the drama by accusing him of that. If a man did that to me (since I don’t date women), I would have left. I am giving her a perspective of how out of line her behavior was.

    #709392 Reply

    Joe

    Okay, I get it now. BTW; your post was full of good ideas and advice..

    #709394 Reply

    Bedazzle

    Thank you Joe!

    #709416 Reply

    Dan

    Dating for a month, and you say you love him? isn’t that a little too soon to proclaim love? let a long having to beg for him to stay….

    #709444 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    What do i think? If you can’t make it a month w/o breaking up twice this relationship has a snowball’s chance in Hell of lasting!!! Wouldn’t even waste my time.

    #709445 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    And how can you be in love in a month? He’s still a stranger! It’s called lust!!

    #709450 Reply

    Hannah

    This is already a disaster. All of this has happened in 30 days?!

    Way too much drama.

    You’re not compatible I’m afraid.

    #709453 Reply

    Somegal

    I agree but it was just coincidence. I got jealous because she asked him out even though he told her about me… I was worried but yeah when we talked I could still see he was interested… it’s called love at first sight. We clicked pretty quickly as we met. He really was happy with me if he introduced me to his family and friends. He wanted me to be a part of every event in his life. The reason why we broke up he said was because I didn’t answer the call, ignored him for a whole day because i was confused and needed time. He’s said when I’ve done that I made him see the same thing in me thay he’s seen in his ex. He thinks no matter how mad one is, should never ignore the other person but at peast read the message. I agreed with it and told him I am truly sorry and wouldn’t ever do this again if I only had a chance. I really want him back, I would have been a totally different person. I’ve told him that it was so wrong of me to do this mistakes by not letting him be himself and have freedom. I would let him talk to anyone from now on because there needs to be trust between each other, also wouldn’t complain about anything again. Ge nearly gave me a chance but then he said I can’t make it go to 100 instantly if we just broke up. It needs time. He said I should just make my way up… I know he still is attracted to me and likes me because of many signs but I just hope it doesn’t fade away. If I respond shortly he tries bto intiate conversation more than when I speak so much. His family really liked me and so did his friends. I also did and we spent incredible time together always wherever we went or were. He loved me more than anyone. I could feel strong connection like I knew him for long. I really don’t want to lose him.

    #709468 Reply

    Ok

    Men can fall very quickly for a woman’. They can also lose that attraction just as quickly. Like in your case. This isn’t going to likely work. The power is all in his hands right now. Youaremore I to him than he is for you. You sayyou can fix yourself and not do these things, but ask yourself why you did it in the first place I don’t understand the issue with the other woman. You say she asked him out. How did you know this. Did he go out with her? From what you write I can’t tell who is wrong. Then you say you needed time and that’s why you ignored his message. I agree with him that you were playing games. Do you have a right to be wanting space? Absolutely. But there is a way to do it without justgoing off the radar. Especially if this is a man you claim to love and just a few days earlier begged him for two hours to stay with you. How old are you both? You sound very young. Neither of you seem to understand how to maturely deal with conflict. Stop with all the texting. Meet up and talk about what you both want. Stop begging him about anything. Heeither wants to be with you or not. You can’t make a man have feelings for you. You say you would have been a totally different person, but how do you know. This is either a pattern you have in relationships about feeling insecure and acting passive aggressive, or this man isn’t meant to be with you. You don’t get along as well as you would like to think. At this point you are going to end up being so paranoid about screwing up, this isn’t going to be fun anymore. I guess this is my long winded way of saying, the honeymoon is over and moving forward you will always be on guard, afraid to say or do anything for fear of messing up. Is that how you want to live your life with a man?

    #709576 Reply

    Somegal

    No it would all be fine if we avoided conflict. Who wants to argue anyways. You kind of misunderstood, I was jealous about the other girl like 3 weeks ago but it was wrong and everyone makes mistakes so do I. You can’t you are perfect. And never done anything wrong. But yeah next week he was kind of rude to me because he had his doubts in his head like he would be sweet but stiill have times that he’d want to be alone but he said I should still text him normally, he’ll just take a longer time…ok so that weekend as I said he was rude a bit and yeah I took it for bad… It made me want to have time on my own, he was calling and texting me whole day but I didn’t read. He said in texts sorry for being rude I still want to be with you… ok so next day I replied and told him how I felt and he got upset as that’s what his ex done before she left him..when we talked in person later on I still saw he cares and has feelings but he’s stressed a lot riight now. He told me the reason why we broke up is cause I didn’t answer the call… If I answered we would have been fine. He said we are on 0 now and I need to make my way up. We were talking daily a lot, he was teasing me too and flirting but last few days he’s been distant, like I messaged him saying “hope youre fine” and he said I’m good… then I said ok and he didn’t get back to me. He’s sent a streak but thats about it. Does he need time for himself, should I just check up on him once and then to show care or should I just let him come to me when he’s ready.

    #709581 Reply

    Lane

    Seriously, you need to STOP. This is not working because the two of you are both acting immature. Neither of you have matured enough to be in an adult relationship and still stuck in the teenage stage to be honest.

    If a man ever told me I was back at “0” I would have walked away and never looked back! When you engage and remain in a child like mentality it stunts your growth. Walking away from a situation that’s clearly not good or healthy for you is how an adult deals with it. Stop being so overly dramatic and learn how to behave like an adult—walk away.

    #709586 Reply

    Somegal

    Guess so you’re right…

    So there’s really nothing to make it work and I should just let go?

    #709587 Reply

    Newbie

    Yes seriously, stop. You keep telling the same story but fail to see this is toxic. Besides you acting needy and immature, this guy is a bad bet anyway. He tells you, you need to work yourself up from zero, like youre on probation. Thats manipulative behaviour. He is bad news

    #709609 Reply

    Emmie

    UGH run away from this guy and work on your relationship skills so you have less drama! For him to say it’s at zero, means that he is determining when you are worthy of “leveling up”. It’s ridiculous and is an idiotic game that teens would play. This wasn’t love at first sight-this was lust without a doubt. How do we know it’s lust? Because you guys broke up multiple times. This guy needs to be in your past. Ignore him. There are better guys out there. There is nothing to be gained by an immature relationship like this one.

    #709655 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Love “at first site” is fantasy/fiction. Hollywood loves to use it in movies, but it’s not real life. Real love develops over time. You are confusing it with “infatuation” at first site.

    Infatuation can sometimes develop into real true love, but that only happens when two people truly get to know one another on a deeper level. You hardly know this guy. It really takes a year or two to find out who someone is at their core level.

    Bedazzle gave you great advice, read it again. You need to learn how to appreciate and value yourself outside of (and without a guy).

    I agree you are placing too much focus on this guy and what kind of value he attributes to you. That is never a foundation for a healthy relationship.

    There are too many problems here for such a short time. This indicates it was never going to develop into something meaningful.

    It is completely unrealistic to think everything would be fine if there hadn’t been arguments (although the fact you are fighting and not getting along this quickly is very telling). Conflict is a natural part of relationships (arguing all the time and breaking up is not). The many breakups and arguments were not “coincidence”, it was evidence keys things don’t align with this guy.

    The best relationships are the ones where both partners understand effective communication and have good conflict resolution skills. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like either of you understand, or have even come close to mastering this.

    Men tend to move very quickly to get a girl to like them. It isn’t until that happens, that they actually step back and think about if this is going anywhere (if they want you as a long term GF) or if it’s more than lust/infatuation. You should read up and learn to understand how guys operate, or you are going to continue this cycle of investing too quickly and getting hurt when a new relationship ends right after it starts.

    You mistakenly think there was a real connection, when you and he really don’t know anything real or significant about one another.

    Remember this. Relationships that start with a flash and move fast, almost always fizzle out just as quickly. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. If a guy comes on real strong real fast……it’s NOT REAL.

    #709725 Reply

    The Truth Bringer

    Your instincts were correct. Always trust your instincts. He was cheating on you. A guy who likes you will never make you feel jealous. He does not deserve the gift of you. Find someone worthy of what you have to give.

    #709732 Reply

    Freedom

    By saying you’re zero and need to work yourself up, he’s acting like a parent and treating you like a naughty child. So if you behave well, he’ll put you up to ten, based on what his needs are, then next argument he puts you back to zero making you feel rubbish about yourself, This is really manipulative and controlling , it gives him way too much power over you. If I was you, put it down to experience, see if you can just be friends, and move on.

    #709755 Reply

    sigoyo

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