What should I do? He is making me feel confused


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  • This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years ago by Ames.
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  • #788075 Reply
    Maren

    I’ve been “dating” this guy for a little over a month now. We first met on happn. We live only a 5 minute walk from each other, so meeting up is very convenient I guess. We usually don’t make plans to see each other, it’s usually a last minute thing. The times that we have made plans to see each other however, I’ve been the one to initiate.
    I asked him out on a date a few weeks ago. His first response was “That sounds nice. But why do you want to go out and have a drink by the way? We can just hang out.” I told him (kinda annoyed at that point) that it would be nice to do something else together, to get to know each other better. And that in fact I wanted to go on a real date with him. He apologized, told me he had a lot on his mind, and that he really wanted to go on a date. Then comes the day of the date. I send him a message asking him if he’s ready to go. He replies 30 minutes after we were supposed to meet up saying he doesn’t feel good, that he’d rather stay home and relax. I got mad, and replied telling him I didn’t think it was ok to cancel the date after we were supposed to meet. He apolgized and said he realy wanted to see me, but that he just wasn’t able to see me that day. We managed to plan a new date, and he then told me that he was struggling with anxiety, and that he had anxiety the day he cancelled on me.
    He said that there are very few people in his life that know about the anxiety, and that he trusted me enough to tell me this. But then he continued saying that the day before the date he was hanging out with a friend of his (a girl btw), and they had stayed up very late watching tv shows or whatever, and she stayed the nigth. And the day he was supposed to meet me, he hung out with her instead… It seemed like she was helping him with the anxiety, but I can’t help to think that this is just kinda fucked up.
    Last time I saw him was two days ago. I had bought a lot of beer and food, and made him some delicious pasta. I also put on a really nice top, made myself look awesome (I really thought I looked pretty hot that day). And I guess I was hoping for him to compliment me for the food, the beer, the way I looked. But he didn’t. He also didn’t kiss me, which is something he rarely does, and it’s really confusing to me. I kinda feel like he treats me like a friend, and nothing else.
    I know this story was kinda messy, but the point I’m trying to make is that I’m very confused about what this guy really wants. He never plans to see me, but we still see each other usually twice a week. He doesn’t kiss me, only when we say good bye he gives me a slight peck on the lips. He likes to cuddle though, so cuddle a lot. We have had sex, but we don’t do it very often, and he rarely initiates that. We only communicate via snapchat, I don’t have his phone number or facebook. He doesn’t snap or chat with me every day. I used to initiate the conversation every day, but now I wait for him to do it, and it sometimes takes two days for him to reach out.
    So what do you think? What should I do? I am considering just ending it, because it’s messing with my head. But I really like him.

    #788116 Reply
    Tallspicy

    There is nothing confusing here, not even a little bit. I’m sorry to say this but this guy is not into you in any real way. I am sure he likes you well enough. But that is not enough. You call him, you cook for him, you ask him out. There is nothing confusing if you pay attention to words and actions.

    I don’t think you should even end it because I don’t think there’s anything here to end. I don’t mean to be harsh but where is your self esteem in this? You are chasing this man, and doing everything you can to get him to like you. Never cook for a man who is not consistant, your boyfriend or definately only a friend.

    We don’t know why hes not intrested but it doesn’t really matter. Please pick yourself up with some dignity and just stopped talking to him. Next time he reaches out, just tell him you’re not available. Which you shouldn’t be anyhow because of Corona and you should be at home for the next multiple weeks. If he asks, just say, we don’t seem to be on the same page about what we are looking for. I wish you the best and I enjoyed getting to know you.

    #788117 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Omg girl, I just reread this, you don’t even have his number and you sleep with him and initiate it????? Stop stop stop stop. Please go get a therapist to understand why on earth you would do this to yourself. This is not about him, it is about you!

    #788118 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Sorry to be so harsh, but this man will never be your boyfriend. Never.

    #788121 Reply
    T from NY

    Oh my this was a very sad story to read. Let me make clear to you – men and women speak different languages almost. Women use WORDS, while men mostly use ACTIONS. Even if men are using words – how they REALLY feel will always be heard in their actions.

    He is not spending time with you. He is not planning dates. He is not reaching out to you. He is not kissing you. Please realize no amount of delicious food, makeup, cute clothing or hot body will entice a man to be consistent with you if he is not into you for whatever reason he is not.

    Let men LEAD. You can contact them, but only after they have been contacting you 90-95 percent of the time. Let them ask you out, talk to you and steer where the relationship is going because if you don’t – you’ll get guys who’ll use you for sex or companionship every once in a while, but be inconsistent and inconsiderate the other times.

    A woman’s job is to WATCH THE MAN. Watch his actions to see if they match up to his words. Watch his words to see if he tries to lock her down or reveal what he wants. To watch his behavior to try and make out his character. Then she DECIDES if she likes him. If he’s inconsistent she decides to walk away if she has self love and knows what she wants. Please don’t contact this guy EVER again. Don’t respond if he tries to booty call you unless you are able to only have casual sex with absolutely no expectations.

    #788134 Reply
    Newbie

    I wasnt as sad as tall spicy but im 100% sure she is right.

    #788160 Reply
    Ames

    Maren I feel bad for you because I have put myself in similar situations..you are chasing him. He is not putting in any effort whatsoever. He even told you he pretty much chose to hang out with another girl–all night the day you were supposed to see him? He is obviously sleeping with her–and she is “easing his anxiety.” Do yourself a favor and forget about him. Nothing you do will change this situation in your favor. Unless you are interested in coming off as a desperate fool. And I mean that in a way to help you. Most of the men on dating apps are there for hook ups. Maybe you can find one who is more interested in developing a relationship with you? Stop wasting your precious time. And stop contacting this guy. You’re not getting anything out of it!!!

    #788161 Reply
    Ames

    Oh, and him not wanting to go on a date and hang out instead means he is lazy, not interested in putting effort/time/$$ into courting you, and wants to have sex. Drop this loser. He’s basically testing you to see how eager you are to have him…and you are putting up with garbage treatment. He will have zero respect for you. So spare your dignity and GTFO

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