What should I do?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals What should I do?

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  • #821817 Reply
    Franny

    Anna, this is desperately unhealthy and really very selfish. I think it’s somewhere between fantasy and an emotional affair—but I do think you are making this worse for yourself and for his fiancée. It’s incredibly disrespectful to her. How would you feel if you were her? You don’t know what their relationship is like. Extricate yourself from this immediately. Nothing good can come from it.

    #822444 Reply
    Lane

    sAnna, I had a good “friend” like this. He absolutely enjoyed my company, talking to me, confiding in me, joking around, teasing, and yes texting at weird hours BUT that’s ALL it was, a “platonic friendship.” Did he want to jump my bones, hell yes, he’s a man but the one thing I truly loved about him was his loyalty to his wife whereas he never crossed those boundaries the same way this guy is doing with you because even though the relationship may not be perfect, or even rocky, as my friends was, he still loved her and would not betray her that way.

    You need to stop this craziness. Even if he left her you still shouldn’t “go there” with him because he would be in rebound territory for quite awhile and in a few months he would naturally pull back and need to be alone leaving you in an emotional puddle of “why’s?”

    Point blank, he likes you as a friend and I can’t be more clearer than this with you. He enjoys teasing you, enjoys conversing with you, hanging out with you but that is all it is. His heart is with this woman or he wouldn’t be with her, period. He’s had plenty of time and the opportunity to end it with her but he hasn’t and won’t because he doesn’t want to. Men are easy and simple, its woman who take something and twist it out of contortion or context.

    The only thing you can do is take a time-out from him. Leave them alone because your only shot/chance is to completely disappear and go on with your life. By giving him the space and time to start feeling the full loss of your presence could be what it takes to see you in a different light, or not. He *might* [or might not] start having second thoughts bt the ONLY way you can truly know where his heart is to leave and see if he comes back to you in the way YOU need him to come to you. Men aren’t mindreaders nor do they understand the emotional games women play so you would have to be very honest and direct about why you need to move on and IF he has a change of heart only then is he to reach out to you…that’s it.

    Like the saying goes “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.” This is your only move—it may work or may not, only time will reveal the true answer as to who his heart belongs too, which could very well be with her. If its with her, it will give you the space and time to detach from this unrequited love scenario and find someone who can love you the way you need to be loved.

    #822562 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Actions, not words. This man is voting with his feet. He committed to her, he is marrying her. He has not even asked you on a proper date. Please get a therapist to understand why you make up stories of relationships. This man badmouths his partner. This is not a good person. That should be enough to be grossed out by him.

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