What is the adultery line


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This topic contains 25 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Warasen 3 months ago.

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  • #760427 Reply

    Warasen

    There were 2 threads here recently about cheating. The perspectives in the threads showed 2 ends of the spectrum. I haven’t had any issues with this issue, my wife and I play hypothetical games like “what if I did…” just to see what the line is. Even though I didn’t think sexting would be considered cheating. I guess it never crossed my mind since I have never tried it. My questions to the readers here:

    do you have discussions with your partner about what each person considers acceptable?
    what is your line of acceptable behavior?

    My wife and I have agreed that we can have friends of the opposite sex but we can’t go on dates. A date is defined as going out 1 on 1 with someone that we have romantic feelings for. I guess we have to come into the 21 century and think about how people now connect without even meeting physically. Any other ideas other than sexting?

    #760451 Reply

    Anderson

    “And what guy other than gay Stephen goes to women forums?”

    That awkward moment where I’m not sure if you genuinely forgot about me or throwing shade lol

    #760454 Reply

    Anon

    The line depends on the couple. For most, yes I think sexting is crossing the line. Would you really be okay with your wife telling another guy what she wanted him to do to her and sending graphics photos? While it doesn’t involve anything physical, photos plus the graphic nature of the conversation isn’t exactly in line with what most would expect out of a monogamous relationship. It also can easily ramp up to the next step…

    #760459 Reply

    DrFreud

    Anything that compromises emotional or sexual fidelity is cheating. It really is that simple. People who don’t find it that simple are looking to justify behavior they know perfectly well is a violation of the marriage vows.

    #760461 Reply

    Warasen

    Well anyone who’s stupid enough to send nude photos to anyone has issues other than adultery. I would hope my wife or any relatives aren’t that stupid.

    #760465 Reply

    Better off single

    If someone has to sext another man/woman because of a lack of attention in their current relationship, they might as well leave it or figure out how to solve that issue before doing it with someone else.

    The adultry borderline is considering someone else over their partner. In anything.
    Wishing to be somewhere else or with someone else other than with your partner.

    If you’re going to cheat just leave. It’s going to hurt your partner either way. If you care about them, it’s easier to just have a heart to heart conversation and leave before you cheat. If you do leave, do not expect to be welcomed back with open arms when those few weeks of fun run its course and possibly get trapped because she lied about being unable to get pregnant.

    #760466 Reply

    Finola

    It’s precisely what @DrFreud said.

    Sexting is cheating.

    If you’d be pissed that your wife did what you did or if your daughter’s boyfriend or husband did it, then it’s infidelity.

    SMH. Not rocket science.

    And yes, oral sex is sex. For those geniuses who think only actual vaginal or anal penetration is sex.

    #760473 Reply

    Hs

    I consider just meeting new partners online and chatting to them, flirting etc, every day as cheating. That is certainly the start to testing the waters for something better (off course chit chat every soo often with a platonic friend is fine)

    Sexting… Yeah i’ll just walk away. That is definately crossing boundaries

    #760477 Reply

    Newbie

    I never gave sexting much thoughts. Technically its just getting off like you would do watching porn or fantasize. I read an article a while ago that said many mainly Japanese men have virtual gf’s with pics and profiles etc. So if any of them would also have a flesh and blood gf or wife, would he also be cheating with that virtual one. Or that episode in black mirror where two friends hook up in a video game?

    #760481 Reply

    Newbie

    No i would mind sexting. Im saying the world indeed gets weirder with all the virtual choices you have now

    #760484 Reply

    Anderson

    “Porn is total fantasy and virtual.”

    If your partner watching porn had the same effects on your relationship as emotional cheating, what then? ;)

    #760485 Reply

    Anderson

    I feel making cheating all about “crossing xyz” lines can lull someone into a false/naive sense of security, or they find technicalities or loopholes in it.

    It’s not only about not violating the discussed and agreed upon expectations of exclusivity in a relationship, but also having good judgement. The line may be no sexting or nudes. But simply talking to someone with friendly intentions, who is known for not responding boundaries is not cheating per se, but hovering uncomfortably close to it or playing with fire.

    I think if someone is more obsessed with pushing the line and seeing what’s the most they can do while still being with their partner, instead of being considerate of the relationship, then defining cheating will always be complicated.

    #760486 Reply

    Anderson

    respecting boundaries*

    #760495 Reply

    Anderson

    Are you going to dodge my question with an obnoxiously assumptive question? ;)

    #760498 Reply

    Anderson

    If all women are stupid and all men are filthy, why are you on a dating forum?

    #760505 Reply

    Anderson

    I’ve only been here for a week and even before Omg’s resentment I’ve felt like I was intruding. Yes, there’s no rule that says males aren’t allowed on this forum. But if this place is a sanctuary for ladies because it’s just them, and it gets complicated or tainted with the presence of males, I hope and would appreciate if people say so (except for @Omg who has a problem with everything lol) and I’d totally understand and let y’all be without being hurt or offended. But if not I will assume everyone’s cool and will do my thing while I’m here. Boop.

    #760506 Reply

    Narc

    Stephen, that is the best post you’ve ever made!

    #760518 Reply

    Louise

    I like Anderson and Warasen and welcome male voices. OMG is just pissed because she wants this as her own personal stomping ground where she can tell new innocent victims off for being SO F*CKING STUPID and generally not her.

    #760519 Reply

    Hs

    I cant remember seeing anywhere that this is a woman’s forum. I value the presence of males. Problems with a male is most often best explained by an actual male, as women and men’s perspectives are ao different. I would love it if more men joined

    #760657 Reply

    Warasen

    Louise thanks for the vote of confidence. I always just scroll over OMG’s posts. I have no need to see negative trolling. When I first came here I read his posts but quickly realized what he’s about. There a few people here I just scroll over other than OMG.

    Back to the topic at hand. If sexting is a form of cheating is calling a phone sex line the same? I guess these days it’s a cam sex thing. I was watching a show or movie on Netflix where the main character was a sex show woman on the internet. Guys buy her gifts or just send money. They never meet so there’s no real physical interaction.

    I know a woman who called her boyfriend out for going to strip joints. As far as I know, from her, the boyfriend just got dances from the ladies. He never so much as kissed a stripper but she called him a cheater.

    #760659 Reply

    Hs

    What you dont seem to understand is cheating is not about the physical act itself, but about sharing something of yourself whith another person, which should be reserved for your partner

    Watching porn with my so…. Or him alone…. Not cheating. Just a fantasy

    Talking on a chat line…. Getting closer to those boundaries. This is no longer video of random strangers but an actual conversation

    Sexting or heavily emotional.chats…. well these are the only difference between my SO and all my other male friends. That he gets to live and experience these parts with me. They’re just for him…. At this point it is cheating and i walk, no negotiations

    Physical strip clubs…. Watching with friends and coming home and fu@king me till i cant sit…. Awesome. Having another woman touch andgrind you,and you return the favor, we’re done

    #760662 Reply

    Anon

    Sexting can be very intimate. You can end up talking about what the other person and their SO do sexually. You can receive nude photos. You could cam and cum to each other’s naked bodies. You can line up a real interaction before fantasy is no longer enough and you want reality.

    #760664 Reply

    Ok

    Porn isn’t cheating. Sexting and talking with a woman or a man by all means is. It means you have taken it past just a fantasy of watching and getting off on the visual, to experiencing intimacy, even though virtual, with another person. And that’s where emotions can get involved. In most cases the texting and talking isn’t just sexual, it includes more regular contact and emotional cheating.

    I have been there and done that. What might start off as just attraction leads to even more intimacy. And it pulls you away from your main relationship physically and emotionally. Going to dinner with your husband but thinking about the guy you just sexted with and would rather still be talking to. It’s so damaging. And I think women are probably worse about doing this as men tend to compartmentalize.

    #760667 Reply

    Warasen

    Hs, traditionally cheating was mostly a physical act it that was the line right?

    I sort of get the emotional cheating thing, been reading about it LOL. It’s a fairly new thing. Now there’s micro-cheating.

    The real thing I was curious about was how everyone communicates their view of what’s cheating too their partners. There’s bound to be differences in view points between partners.

    #760669 Reply

    Khadija

    My golden rule is this. If you can’t do such and such in front of your partner don’t do it at all.

    Any behavior that would cause my boyfriend to feel jealous (within reason) upset, uncomfortable, or even angry is a no go for me. This goes vice versa.

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