What Does He Want From Me?

You can tease him if you want, but remember that he might tease you back. And being a scumbag, he might play by different rules, so think twice if you want to play this game with him. Why not just protect yourself by disengaging, now that you see through him? If he’s really having such a hard time with taking no for an answer, then block him. As they say, your happiness is the best revenge anyway.

@newbie — You are 100% correct- I am humilated and then some. Dragged into his drama, endless hours listening to him, and then he takes her out, and tells his tales of woe, including how a girl bit his balls while giving him a BJ… Such as timesponge. I patiently waited… No MORE

This is obsession—and obsession is never good.

We have all gone through something like this (sometimes more than once before really learning the lesson). It’s painful, it is. But you were infatuated with the IDEA of him, not who he really is…and to be honest, he doesn’t sound so great. Not even a little bit.

Stop talking about it (unless you’re talking to a therapist, but even they are likely to say you need to channel your energy elsewhere). Don’t respond to him (he doesn’t care), don’t look him up on social media, don’t do anything. Nothing. Let this go. He isn’t worth it and you are wasting your time, putting yourself that much farther from finding a great fella who respects you.

Thanks, again all. Before dropping him a hi, I log on and read your advice. @ Franny – you are correct, it is an obsession and @k, it’s not meant to be a isn’t this awful kinda thing, it’s just I got super attached to this guy, believed we were spending time getting to know each other, talked every day – like my best friend or husband, and then boom — younger chick.

So, yes I am licking my wounds and trying to move on and get therapy.

Good news — y’all. Each time i want to reach out to him, I read this blog. Other great news is that most of my friends, like I was, have been married forever, and things are certainly different. Thanks all

I’m proud of you!!! Atta girl.

I went through this too—I got very attached to someone who was similar (maybe a little nicer but only a little) and I kept wondering how to get back to being special to him and how to make him jealous. I didn’t do anything about it except ry and obsess; he made me feel very special and then it was gone. It was like my entire worth was based on the actions of one jerkwad. I listened to Fiona Apple’s “Get Gone” a lot. (“It’s time the truth was out that he don’t give a sh*t about me.”)

But once I got him out of my system (relying on friends, keeping busy, watching funny shows, reading books), I got over it, to my surprise. I didn’t even want him back.

You’ll get past this. Trust me. Hang out with us when you feel compelled to contact him or even look at his profile. He’s not worth it, and you deserve to be treated well, and you will be.

Sooooo, like a bird this guy keeps pecking at me – contacting me as pictures of his GF of 20-years younger appear on FB.

He honestly believes we are friends. I dont think that guys who are in good relationships reach out to or need friendships with single women, they never dated, but met on a dating site.

I finally told him goodbye, but I have a question.

Do y’all think it’s okay for him to text me and say “I was here _X I was thinking of you” (location of a previous date)?

I think its suggestive, regardless of if he’s with his g-friend.

He (who says we are just friends) says it’s just nice and honest.

Opinions?

I did that

I just wanted independent opinion, validation that its strange that a guy in a committed relationship tells another woman he was thinking of her.

Clearly, he gaslighted me and i want confirmation in the real world that it is strange

I did – he said he thought it was nice and honest
Because in his mind – he thinks its okay to tell a woman he’s thought of her, even though he’s dating another.

I dont – does anyone agree with me? thats the real hope of my thread

It’s not nice and wrong of him to do that. If he really thinks of you, he should keep it in his head and move on from it. How would you like your boyfriend to be out with you and text another woman that he’s thinking of her? He sounds awful.

Dear lord, why are you still hung up on this guy and his actions. If he thinks you are friends there is nothing wrong with him saying hi. But it doesnt matter. He is not your bf and why he does what, should not concern you. Just keep him out of your life. Im really sorry that after 4 months you still get baffled about his behaviour

@Liz = Thanks, i was just seeking validation that my thinking is solid – that it is NOT okay for a guy w/ a G-F to contact another woman to tell he was thinking of her, when at a place they went on a date. I just need that to hear that.

@newbie – I have been ignoring him months – he texts, calls, etc. I was hoping that after a dozen non-responses, he would get the picture. Texted me on a Sat night @ 9 pm two weeks ago asking what i am doing– WTF

All – i said goodbye to him a week ago -told him our friendship was hurting me — nothing related to his GF, but his bad behavior, and that i needed to protect myself. All quiet since yay! Thank you!

@sensy I agree, but my post was to validate that it was beyond weird that while in a committed relationship, he told me he was thinking of me when at X. I thought it strange, and saught validation, because he’s gaslighted me. But happy to hear more. Thanks