What does he want?

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Khadija 11 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #752962 Reply



    I’ll try to keep this short.

    So, I moved in recently with a friend I’ve known for the past 10 years.

    He had an interest in me in the past but I’ve never really seen him as a person I’d date. He’s sort of shy and reserved and until we moved in together, I’ve never seen him as he can be. When I saw how open and funny he was around the house, I changed my mind about him. During the past 10 years, I can’t say I got to know him very well. I always kept him at arms lenght and he’s the kind of man you can talk for hours and still not know anything about him.

    A week into me moving in, we started sleeping together. It seems a short time now, but at the time it felt like forever. Every day he advanced just a bit. A hug here, a tickle there. We made out on a Friday night when I went out, I texted him that I was drunk and he came to get me and he finally kissed me after flirting for a couple of hours and I sobered up. A few days after, we also slept together and been sleeping together almost every night since.

    We haven’t had the talk yet, but he talkes me on lunch/dinner dates, the movies, we have a trip coming up soon. All of these were his idea. We stay in, watch movies, hold hands and cuddle until 7am in the morning during the weekends or days off.

    So, what bothers me is, when I moved in, he told me about some plans of going home (we’re living abroad) and fooling around with another woman. And he sais that these plans are still on. We are both going home around the same time, he bought the tickets after me and chose the same exact flights. I pretended to have the same kind of plans (fooling around with a guy back home). I actually had plans in the beginning but as I started this “thing” with him, I don’t feel the need to meet up with the other guy anymore. I want a relationship with this one.

    I haven’t really shown him any sort of feelings and I didn’t have any reaction to him trying to bug me about that woman and he admitted that he’s trying to piss me off, jokingly.

    Now, he knows that I’m meeting the other guy when I’m home and he made plans for all the 3 weekends we’ll be there. I’ll be working remotely, so during weekdays I’ll be busy anyway. He asked me to go to his parents house in the mountains to meet them on one weekend, to go out clubbing the second and on the third we’re actually going on a city break for 4 days.

    So, my question is, I feel like he likes me, but what if he really is meeting that other woman? It feels like we’re in a relashionship but without the label but I’m afraid of asking him about this because we live together now and I don’t want to find another place to live. How should I proceed?

    #752965 Reply


    You don’t write English very well, so it’s difficult to follow what you are really asking. He isn’t a boyfriend and he’s told you he is going to meet up with another woman. I think that makes its very clear how he feels about you. You are a roommate and yo gave him no strings sex. No man would tell you he is planning to hook up with another woman if wanted a relationship with you.

    #752971 Reply


    It’s a bit difficult to really understand the way you wrote, my first thought was to tell you that he has warned you that what you two have isn’t serious and he will be seeing others. Also you already had sex which makes the situation less in your favour as he already have all the benefits. But then again he is making future decisions that involves you. It’s almost as if he wont leave you alone even when you go back home. So pay no mind to the other woman at this time, she’s irrelevant to you as this could also be something he just said to see your reaction. Because if he did have plans how is he going to execute that when he has already booked all the 3 weekends with him. Of course he can always see her during weekdays however the fun plans with people that matters to him (his parents) he included you in. Which is a good sign. So to know what he wants, you have to have a conversation with him about how recent developments got you wanting to see each other exclusively. What does he think of that? If he doesn’t return your feelings at least you’ll know where you stand and if you’re worried about your accommodation, eventually you will have to move on and getting some place else to live will be your next step anyway, as it will be pointless and painful to continue being around him if he doesn’t feel the same.

    I hope I understood you correctly.

    #752977 Reply


    You’re a roommate with benefits…

    #753011 Reply


    It can be difficult but you should tell him you are happy with the way things are progressing between you two. You don’t want to disrupt a good thing and you are uncomfortable with him messing around with this other woman. Tell him you had planned to meet the other guy but changed your mind.

    People play mind games with each other all the time, especially in a new relationship. There a vulnerability to admitting your feelings. He could have told you about the other woman to make you jealous or to see your reaction. He might have been honest with you but still welcome you telling him to not do it. Obviously he is into you it he wouldn’t be making plans to see you on the weekends or meet his family.

    Good luck

    #753032 Reply


    I mostly agree with warasen. You told him you are going to fool around woth a guy to protect yourself, but what you got out of this is the exact opposite of what you want.
    Second you are assuming he is into you based on the fact he was interested and you werent until recently. You can never assume his feelings are still the same as they were in the past. I have read stories here where a woman finally saw the attraction of a shy guy and they poofed anyway (after sex).
    I think its time you put your big girl panties on and tell him that you no longer are interested in this other guy, but would be interested in exploring a relationship with him because it feels good. If its positive great, if negative stop sleeping with him.
    What will say nothing bring you here? Are you going to hop in his bed again after he had his fling? Or he comes back stating she is now his girlfriend? All scenario’s will cause you future pain here so want not try to be honest with him first

    #753034 Reply


    BTW Karen, I hope you 2 are using condoms. Please do so until you 2 decide to be monogamous.

    #753042 Reply


    Agree with Warasen. He’s just trying to make you jealous. He’s obviously liked you for years and probably feels the need to play mind games because it’s taken you so long to reciprocate those feelings.

    #753043 Reply


    Just have ‘the talk’ and guarantee you he will jump right into a committed relationship.

    #753432 Reply


    stop playing games that could ruin everything. you I think will know whats happening soon. all the best..

    #753439 Reply


    If he wanted a relationship with you he’d make that clear, especially since there might be competition from the new guy on the trip. And he wouldn’t rub seeing another woman in your face.

    Modern women always seem to give out sexual benefits first, then try to secure a commitment later. Most men are going to accept the sex even when they already know they don’t want a relationship with the woman.

    Since you crossed the line into sex, you’ve basically tossed out a 10 year friendship. It’s hard to just be platonic friends after having sex. All it took was a week. You had absolutely no self control.

    #753444 Reply


    This is going to get ugly.

    After moving in only for a week you start sleeping together and you want a committed relationship from the guy.

    His behavior to me says this was just fun and something he always wanted to do.

    If this were me I’d pull the plug on all of this because someone will get their feelings hurt and that someone is you.

    Sleeping with your roommate/friend was a terrible idea, living with roommates is hard enough. Now you have added sex to the mix.

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