This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by neena 2 months ago.
April 15, 2019 at 6:37 am #746070
So I met a guy through my friends a few months ago and after a few days of talking we went out and hooked up. We were both drunk but he stayed the night and we were both happy about it and decided to have a casual thing going, get to know each other and whatever happens, happens. It was great. We’d text everyday, call once or twice a week (I study 2 hrs away from home and I’m home at the weekends) and see each other at the weekend. He constantly told me how much he liked me, how important I was to him, how he’s happy he met me. He treated me like a girl should be treated and I loved talking to him and hanging out with him. All my friends kept telling me how great of a guy he is and how I finally got myself a decent guy. It went on for a few weeks then all of a sudden he stopped replying to me and when he did he was really dry and cold. I asked if we’re ok or if something’s going on and he said he doesn’t want to rush as he realised he doesn’t want a relationship. It broke my heart but I told him that’s ok and said we agreed from the start just to see where it’s going so I wasn’t expecting to be in a relationship with him by next week because I’m still learning new things about him and said we can still see other people like we’re not exclusive. So we agreed to do that but he was still really cold and would ghost me everytime I texted him. This went on for a few weeks and I’d constantly try to call or meet up with him to talk about everything face to face and see where we’re going. He declined everytime. So I started moving on. I started seeing a few guys and it’s great. Me and my friends went out one night and he was invited but he said he’s already going out with his other mates that night. Well I got very drunk but was having so much fun with my mates. Then I got a text from him saying he thinks we’d be great in a relationship but he’s not there yet and that if he’s gonna go out with me he wants it to be when he’s ready to love me and that if I find myself someone else in the meantime that’s great for me but he’ll hate himself for it. I didn’t reply as I was too drunk so then he texted me asking if I wanna meet up now. Again I didn’t reply. He called me. I answered and he asked where I was so I said the name of the bar and he didn’t know where it was. The call dropped so I texted him asking if he really wants to have this conversation when we’re both drunk. No reply. I said for him to text me when he’s sober so I know he means what he said. This was a week ago and no reply. He opened it and left me on read. Now my head is all over the place. I still see the other guys, just having fun but I keep hoping for a text from him, knowing rightly I should give up but all that stuff he said to me just bring me back to him and make me have a weak spot for him. So I don’t know why he’s doing this, what he wants from me. Should I wait until he’s ready? Should I keep trying? I really like him and see potential in him but he hurt me a lot and now I don’t know what to do.April 15, 2019 at 8:54 am #746086
He sounds like a douche. Block him and move on with your life. It sounds harsh but you deserve to have someone chasing YOU, not the other way around. I wish someone had told me that when I started dating but I just wanted everyone to like me and that led to a lot of heartbreak. I don’t regret it because I have learned so much about myself and do not put up with guys treating me like an option. Once you do the same you’ll have them falling all over for you.April 15, 2019 at 9:39 am #746091
Stop getting drunk and having casual sex and you will not find yourself in bad relationships.April 15, 2019 at 9:41 am #746093
The dude told you directly that he doesn’t want to become a couple.
You showed you have little dignity and common sense by continuing to pester him. Grow up. Get some self respect.
You only agreed to keep it casual and see where it goes as a trick to actually pursue him as a boyfriend. You wanted more right from the beginning. Hes not in love with you and he now knows you’re a flake that has no common sense, hence his drunk call.
Hes only messing with your head because hes indifferent.April 15, 2019 at 10:34 am #746102
” So I don’t know why he’s doing this, what he wants from me.”
He tried it, it wasn’t right, then he got drunk one night and probably failed at hitting on some girl, panicked, got afraid of being alone, so he hit you up, then regretted it the next day.April 15, 2019 at 1:24 pm #746123
You decided to give him sexual benefits before he’d even gotten to know what makes you unique from any other woman with a vagina. Now, the newness of your vagina has worn off and there is no emotional connection to fall back on.April 15, 2019 at 1:58 pm #746129
Monika, He’s hot and cold. He likes what you had going on in theory but isn’t sure about it in practice. He isn’t doing this to mess with you just because he thinks you are a “flake” or because you, ooooh had…s-e-x .
Don’t buy into the nastiness being thrown at you by bitter people. It’s easy for cruel people to conclude everyone has cruel intentions. That is how they think and act as shown by their responses.
This guy isn’t mature or skilled enough to sort out his feelings and communicate them effectively with follow-through. It isn’t your
job to do that for him. What he has shown is he sometimes likes the idea of being together with you but not enough to proceed with it.
Sometimes it can be hard to accept that someone you like likes/liked you but not strongly enough at that time to continue on, overcome hang ups, or develop the maturity and skills to communicate effectively and with consideration.
What you do have to accept is that whatever his issues are, he is acting in ways that are not considerate of you. You let him know you were willing to talk. He knows how to reach you. If he wants to talk to you he has to grow up himself. You can’t do that for him.
Will he ever gain the skills to express himself clearly and not say one thing and do another? Hopefully, for his sake he will. That is an unknown and he is how he is now and you are dealing with now.
Do you really want to spend any more energy thinking about a guy who goes distant, dodges talking, sends a gut spilling text when drunk, then vanishes again?
If at some point he regrets his choices enough to take action he will be beating a path to your doorstep. He has to regret losing you first though. So, please put him and his hot and cold ways behind you. Keep your door open for meeting someone who isn’t wishy washy. If he comes back around YOU will decide if he’s worth YOUR time, not the other way around.April 15, 2019 at 2:32 pm #746132
I agree with Kim in regards to the horrid and nasty delivery of some of the replies here- how toxic! Why would you want to slate the OP like that? She’s been very reasonable in what she put and feels bad enough without a row of old fish wives with their claws out. Not requiredApril 15, 2019 at 4:35 pm #746148
The guy is a piece of work, you shouldn’t fall for his traps. He doesn’t respect you or care for your feelings, just let it go. What he did to you was emotional abuse so please don’t tolerate that or else you will end up getting hurt.April 15, 2019 at 5:02 pm #746150
His no(t) answer(ing) is your answer…April 15, 2019 at 7:52 pm #746191
The thing is, and I know this isn’t an excuse for him, but after I asked if he still wants to see me he said he does but he doesn’t want to have sex as he said it feels wrong having sex without a relationship. He said I’m still important to him and he’s trying his hardest not to hurt me that’s why he’s being really dry and not talking to me as much. He apparently cut off contact with most of our friends too so I wouldn’t have to see him, which just hurts me even more, and I said that to him but then when I started moving on I just told him to text me when he’s ready because I’m gonna give him space but he can’t expect me to wait around forever and he can’t expect it to be super easy for him to get me back too. Then he got drunk that night and wanted to meet up and yeah I knew it was because he probably started feeling lonely and knew I liked him so he took his chance. That’s why I didn’t reply to him and that’s why I told him to text me when he’s sober. I just don’t know if this means he’s taking the space that I told him to take or if he’s genuinely just being a d**k.April 15, 2019 at 8:12 pm #746202
Oh to be young and untethered….. am I the only one who sees a young man who doesn’t want to be tied down? Shocking.April 16, 2019 at 1:28 am #746212
First off shout out to Kim for her input,Well spoken hun..Monika I think this guy is running game.Do exactly as he stated(in a nutshell)MAKE HIM REGRET LOSING YOU!!..Try to understand hun that sometimes it’s not the other party that brings us hurt,we sometimes hurt ourselves by trying to pursue & love someone who simply doesn’t want what we have to offer..This doesn’t make you weak or any less but the energy & affection that you’re directing towards him,direct it towards what’s really important,& that’s you & your well being..Screw his dawg a$$,Keep your head high & stay fly baby girl!!..
❤ ZaLakeApril 16, 2019 at 1:32 am #746213
He’s not running game. When a woman has free sex with a man who doesn’t even know her? Not happening .. especially a young man who is having sex with tons of gals. LolApril 16, 2019 at 1:56 am #746217
Hes not running a game, he told you right out he plans on pursuing others.
You stated that you both agreed to see others. That means he insists on not being exclusive and you had no choice but to agree.
You should try to understand his situation. He’s surrounded by options, and you are Absolutely not at the top of the list.
Quit chasingApril 16, 2019 at 2:00 am #746218
Agreed with Karen, you are just one of the many women he’s screwed lately. His mind is on the next one and he keeps getting text from last month’s Chica.April 16, 2019 at 3:19 am #746223
“He’s surrounded by options”
You are surrounded by options too –
Jump in a lake
Go fly a kite
You are a grade A a$$hole on top of no one’s listApril 16, 2019 at 8:53 am #746258
Block him and don’t drunk text him again…That was a booty call and you got caught up…
Btw…don’t sleep with men you’re not in a relationship with…it’ll avoid all this confusion..HE”S NOT CONFUSED..but we always get confused…