We're supposed to get married but he broke my trust. What should I do?

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This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Dangerouse 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #757720 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    So I’ve been with this guy for 3 years now. We were bestfriends before we got into a relationship. He’s 28, I’m 24. I’ve never had sex before him, but he has. The issue with our relationship is that before we got into a relationship is he was having sex with more than one girl raw. He told me he wasn’t having sex with anyone at all. We get into a relationship a year into us talking seriously. 3 months into us being together, I found out that he was having sex with these girls before me. One turns into two, and two turns into three. Few months after that, I find out some girl he told me he was friends with from school, they weren’t really friends from school. He met her through his cousin, they hung out twice, kissed, went out to eat, she sent him naked photos. We decide to work it out since these things happened before me even though it’s in the back of my head no matter how much I try not to think about it. So 2 years later, I find in his email (sent mail) that a while back when we got into our relationship that he sent his self videos that he deleted out of his phone. I guess he really didn’t want to delete them. There were sex tapes of him and one of the girls he was having sex with raw up until a month when we got into a relationship, old pictures of him and his ex, and a bunch of naked videos of girls he’s had sex with including the girl he lied and said he knew from school. He said it was so long ago that he forgot those videos were in there and deleted them when he saw how upset I was. He made it seem like he didn’t have sex with a lot of people and if I knew this I would’ve saved myself the heartache and never got into the relationship, but I’m in it now. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get married anymore but is it worth it to try to repair the relationship? Am I blindly in love?

    #757722 Reply


    All of this happened before you were in your relationship?

    #757724 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    Yes, it all happened before we got into a relationship but we were basically still in one. Spending everyday together, etc.

    #757726 Reply


    Hi-you gave your virginity to a guy you thought had not been with alot of girls-he had sex with them without protection and the more you find out-the more you find out. Yes,this was technically before he slept/committed to you, but he let you assume things that were not true.
    I think at this point,you are hurt and you are turned off and don’t feel you can trust him. I don’t think the relationship is going to work. Sorry.

    #757729 Reply


    Have you set a date?
    Do you have a ring?

    #757731 Reply


    I don’t get it. He can have a sex life before being with you. What’s with the raw up comment? Must be a cultural thing because guys will and do have sex whenever they can get it.

    #757733 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    Yea the date was set for August 2nd, and I have a ring. But I called off the wedding

    #757734 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    I emphasized that he had sex with people raw because he had sex with a girl raw without going to the doctor and then had sex with me after telling me he hasn’t had sex in over a year. I have a really weak immune system and had open heart surgery 3 months following us getting into a relationship. Me getting an STD versus someone else could cause way worse health problems for me.

    #757737 Reply


    Right. But he didn’t have an std. so what is your problem?

    #757738 Reply


    Hey Gabrielle-definitely a deal breaker. He did not,does not have your well-being at heart.

    #757739 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    It’s the principle. Not the fact that he has one or doesn’t have one. He put my health in jeopardy by lying. If I would’ve got one and died then what would have happened? He would’ve just been sorry? Not like I’m a regular girl. We were supposed to be bestfriends. He took me out the country to his grandmother’s funeral, but didn’t think I was worth being told the truth?

    #757740 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    @ peggy. I don’t think so either

    #757741 Reply


    Except for aids, don’t know a single std that would kill you.

    #757742 Reply


    Drama queen.

    #757746 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    Exactly. Aids is an STD lol

    #757745 Reply


    Well OMG- I guess you would not mind ongoing health issues if you had a weak immune system. What about getting herpes and dealing with outbreaks the rest of your life? You are a piece of work.

    #757747 Reply


    No. You are a piece of work. You didn’t get herpes. If you want validation to call off the marriage than write all you want on forums. You aren’t asking what to do. I told you my opinion and you challenged it. Call it off, get married, do what you want. You are a drama queen. A weak immune system and heroes isn’t going to make you die.

    #757748 Reply


    The point is that she didn’t get an std. how many women on here have had sex with men and had no idea if they even had an std.

    #757749 Reply


    So call off the wedding. Why are you even asking if you don’t trust him. So be it.

    #757750 Reply


    Oh , you said you did call off the wedding. Why ask after the fact? The wedding is off.

    #757751 Reply


    It sounds like you are pleading with yourself to get out of this. Remember that relationships are addictive and you have to look out for yourself.

    #757753 Reply


    First of all let me say I don’t think he owes you a list of women he’s had else eith!! And it’s on you if you have a weak immune system but didn’t make him get tested BEFORE he slept with you. All these women were BEFORE you so he hasn’t cheated on you. But he has not been truthful about the number of women he was with. Frankly as I said he should have told you it was none of your business and not given details.

    Seriously how many 28 year old men do you think you can date who will have slept with 5 or less women?!? Or who would give you a roster of all of them? You’re being ridiculous!!

    Did you actually watch the videos? Is that how you know he didn’t use protection?

    #757754 Reply


    Freaking auto correct!! Women he’s had sex with!

    #757756 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    So you were going through his email & found these videos? What made you snoop? Are there other trust issues in the relationship?

    If your health is such a serious issue, you should have used condoms with him until he could get tested & show you the results of the test so you would know he is clean.

    Its not realistic to expect a guy to never “go raw” as you put it. If he was dating women who were on the Pill or who had IUDs, it makes sense. All guys prefer sex without a condom.

    It sucks that he was not honest with you. But you say you were “talking” for a year before you got into a relationship? It doesn’t surprise me he was with other women & probably felt uncomfortable telling you about it. In the future please don’t be naive. You should assume boyfriends have been “raw” with other women & have them get tested, if your health is such a serious issue.

    #757768 Reply

    Gabrielle B

    I didn’t have sex with him without a condom. I also didn’t make him get tested because he said he hasn’t been with anyone in over a year. I wasn’t worried or focused because he’s never lied to me about anything as far as I knew. Yea, it was me being naive but I thought that since we were “talking” that he could’ve been honest about it. A few people are missing the point. It isn’t about what he did, it’s the fact that he lied about it. And there wasn’t a particular reason I was looking through his email. I was using his email on the laptop on accident, and I went to check if my email sent and that’s where I saw all these pictures and videos. I clicked on the first email because it said wife and I wanted to know what he sent that was of me and after that, I saw a bunch of videos and yea thats how I found out that he had sex unprotected. I’m really just trying to figure out if I’m overreacting about this whole thing or not.

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