We Have Never Talked About Sex

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  LoveAbroad 8 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #773239 Reply


    So I’ve been speaking with this guy for 4 months now. He lives in another country, we facetime every day and talk for hours. I’m visiting him next week so we can see each other for the first time. About a month into us talking I started sending risque text messages and pictures. He always responds with “Wow, I’m speechless” and “You look beautiful”. But there’s never any tit for tat or back and forth. It kind of just ends there which is very different from what I’m used to. Usually after a guy gets comfortable with a girl (which I’m assuming he’s very comfortable considering all the things we talk about at this point) he’s not above a sexual comment here or there. But this guy never brings up sex at all. It’s actually refreshing and makes me feel like he just wants me for me and not necessarily for some kind of sexual gain.

    But now that it’s close to us seeing each other for the first time, I keep thinking about how it seems like he basically has no sex drive – or maybe just really private about his sexual urges? I’m not brazen about my urges but I do flirt and hint at things of a sexual nature, but he just laughs it off and eventually changes the subject. Not in a rude or even an awkward way – he just doesn’t make an effort to continue that route of conversation. He still very much makes me feel wanted – tells me I’m beautiful, says he can’t wait to see me, super attentive and kind gentleman – but will never mention sex.

    I just wanted to know from the perspective of men and even women, what it might mean if a guy literally never brings up sex at all – after months of talking. I think he’s just being super respectful, but what else could it be?

    Really would love to hear your thoughts.

    #773242 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    If he’s from a different country than maybe it’s a cultural difference. In some cultures it’s rude to be direct about sex. Do you speak English with him? Is that his native language? If it’s not his 1st language then he may be uncomfortable talking in a sexy way due to a language barrier.

    Have you ever tried bringing up the topic of sex directly? Do you plan to get sexual with him when you do see him in person? For all you know maybe he just considers you a friend.

    I will add, you don’t really know this guy. You’ve never met in person. So who knows what his issue is. Is it hard for you to date locally? I don’t really see the point in what you’re doing, not trying to be rude. But trying to start a romantic relationship with a stranger in another country doesn’t make sense to me.

    #773245 Reply


    Maybe he’s trying to be a gentleman and would rather have that sort of conversation face-to-face rather than over text. You haven’t seen him yet. Maybe hold off on the risqué texts till after you’ve seen the person for real. For some men they see it as being desperate when women come on too strong like that.

    #773259 Reply

    Better off single


    You haven’t even met yet. Easy tiger.

    #773275 Reply


    Cultural difference was a great point. I didn’t think of it. What country is he from @LoveAbroad?

    The thing is, it’s impossible for anyone to be certain of the why. Why don’t you just ask him? You two seem to be pretty conversationally intimate from what you describe. Ask him randomly if he’s a butt or boob guy. Do this on a phone call. From there on you can lead the conversation to discussing buttons, sex and if he stops or changes the topic, just be candid with him and ask him how much he likes sex etc.

    Yes it’s true genuine gentleman guys like that exist who don’t shove sex, innuendos etc in the face of just anyone they meet. And by genuine I mean it’s not a result of a low sex drive, intimacy issues, ED, insecure about experience/size etc

    But if I had to make a decision based on the little info you’ve given me, I’d say something seems off if with the way he’s not engaging. Only way to confirm anything would be by asking him.

    #773318 Reply


    Why are you sexting with a stranger? He is a stranger until you meet him. He is probably just a nice man who does not get sexual with people he barely knows. Being defined as someone you never met. I wish you luck on the visit and next time, do not treat people who you don’t know like those you do, it creates false intimacy that is very very hard to sustain.

    #773327 Reply


    Hey guys, thanks for replying. He’s from the Netherlands, I’m from Cali. Didn’t really plan on having this overseas love affair but I was on an online dating site and he messaged me and we hit it off extremely well.

    Theres no language barrier; his English is impeccable. It might be a cultural thing but I had a thing with a native Dutch guy before and he was very outspoken sexually. I think up until this past decade The Netherlands was one of the most sexually liberating counties so I’m not so sure it’s that.

    Sending risqué texts isn’t for everyone but that’s a part of my love language. He’s opened up more and sent shirtless pics here and there, which I think is a vulnerable move for him, but also something i’ve made him feel comfortable doing in the months we’ve been talking.

    Anderson you mentioned something interesting about insecurities he may have. Maybe he has intimacy issues or ED or insecure about his “package” but idk. I should mention he’s also 10 years older than me.

    But you guys are right, I just need to muster up the courage and ask him directly.

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