Was I wrong?


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This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Emily 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #703692 Reply

    keri

    Hey! So I have been dating a guy for about 2 months now and I do like him however I have been noticing some things that seem to have become a habit. Yesterday I asked him if he was a romantic type of person? He replied with “he doesn’t know, maybe, sort of”. He then asked if I were romantic and I replied yes that I do enjoy romance and can be romantic and then I asked what was the most romantic thing he’s done for someone. He then said that it was such a cheesy thing to ask and if I were going to judge him depending on his answer. He seems to do this a lot with other things as well, he makes it seem like everything I ask or say to him is something completely off limits or just plain dumb. He tends to read into things too much. He’s done this quite a few times with other thing as well.

    I replied with if you think everything I ask you has some hidden motive behind it then maybe we should just stop things right here. He said look at what you’re asking, its not something like whats your favorite color or favorite ice-cream flavor (by the way we have already discussed these things-and we’re both adults, btw SMH). My question is was I being too intrusive or something by asking that? I feel like we are still in the “getting to know” one another stage.



    #703694 Reply

    keri

    And I was honestly just making conversation which is why I asked. But I feel like I have to watch what I say around him all the time.

    #703697 Reply

    Pam

    Men are not like girlfriends. And it does seem you were fishing. And most men don’t want to talk about past relationships. To a man this seems a trick question and no matter how he answers he can’t win. For example if he told you something really romantic, you’re likely reaction will be to wonder why he hasn’t done this with you. If he doesn’t have anything romantic then he will feel inadequate because you just told him you want romance and now he feels pressure Focus on the present and let’s things evolve naturally. I’m not sure what other types of questions you asked him but clearly if it’s like this one he feels uncomfortable. He’s right, get to know about his hobbies, dreams, goals, work etc.

    I don’t think you have to watch what you ask all the time, but you clearly have a sense for what makes him feel put on the spot.

    #703699 Reply

    Ali

    Actually I get where he is coming from, from a guys perspective that would totally sound like a test!

    #703706 Reply

    Hannah


    It sounds like a job interview question but as a relationship interview question. I wouldn’t want to open up about my past romances and what I’d done for my exes either.

    I’m sure you meant the question well but see how it sounded to him.

    Imagine if he’d asked you what your best sexual moment with an ex was…. (please if anyone asks that question, don’t share it!)

    #703711 Reply

    keri

    I did say what was the most romantic/nicest thing you’ve done for someone, anyone really, not just an ex.

    #703714 Reply

    L


    So you wanted him to tell you the most romantic thing he did for mom? His sister? Some stranger on the street? Think about what you just said…smh.

    #703718 Reply

    Lane

    Agree with the others; its one of those questions that will taint your relationship because your going to over analyze it to death especially if he did something super romantic with another woman he was smitten with—its like putting your hand in a beehive begging to be stung!!!

    I wouldn’t want to know what romantic things my BF did with his previous GF/wive(s) just like I wouldn’t want him to know what romantic things I did with other men during our courtship/marriage. I only look at how my current BF treats ME and if he treats me very well that’s all I care about.

    #703735 Reply

    kaye

    I agree with the others. It was a baited question and he knew better than to answer!! Then you throw out the “we should just stop things right here” then. Is this how you react when you don’t get your way? I can’t stand it when someone threatens to end a relationship over something stupid like not answering a question.

    If in 2 months this has happened several times then the two of you just may not be a fit. Especially if he’s making you feel stupid for asking questions to get to know him. (Although I agree with him on this one!) As Lane said these are the kind of questions if you do get an answer you will be overanalyzing and over thinking and it will come back to bite him in the a$$! For example, the most romantic thing I ever did for an ex was buy her 20 dozen flowers and fill up her apartment on her birthday! Your birthday comes and he only sends you a dozen roses and now you’re pouting and fuming and irritated that he didn’t get you more. See what I mean? He can’t win answering that! EVER!!!

    #703736 Reply

    Missy

    Maybe a better approach would be to say something like, I really love it when I get flowers…or whatever the romantic gesture is. Something more general, but at the same time kind of dropping hints of what you like. Guys need direction. It’s easier for them if you just tell them what you like, but not in a way where you expect anything of them.

    #703740 Reply

    Ali

    I’m remembering now that a man I briefly dated asked me what the most romantic moment of my life was. I initially refused to answer– thinking why on earth would you want to hear about the most romantic moment of my life with an ex??? He pushed and I answered and lo and behold, it made him jealous haha.

    The equivalent of this would be him asking “who, out of all the men you’ve slept with was the best in bed and why!”.

    These details just fuel problems down the road.
    And I agree with Kaye, why are you so quick to trot out “well if that’s how you’re going to be maybe we shouldn’t……. ”

    #703741 Reply

    keri

    I said that because it’s honestly the third time he has done this and it’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and can’t really say what’s on my mind fearing of hurting his feelings. He did this about a comment I made about him talking about food. I simply said “u sure do talk about food a lot LOL” because our convos really are ya talking about food a lot….he flipped on me and said “that comment really bothered me because I’m already insecure about myself and I doesn’t care that I talk about food”. It was not my intention but somehow he made me to me a bad person because of a comment like that…how was I suppose to know he’s insecure about his body? It was just very odd.

    #703742 Reply

    Ali

    Is he overweight at all? I would certainly never say to someone who is overweight “you sure talk about food a lot!”.

    #703743 Reply

    keri

    He is not. At all. Which is why I was pretty shocked.

    #703751 Reply

    pam

    Unless you know the person pretty well, sarcasm can come across as harsh to many people. By definition, ‘sarcasm’ means a cutting, often ironic remark intended to express contempt or ridicule. Many times it is difficult for the listener to tell the difference between a straightforward comment and one meant sarcastically. Your tone may be such that you come across as critical as opposed to humorous with him.

    Maybe you need to evaluate yourself on this.
    It may be he is over-sensitive, but it also may be that you don’t come across the way you think you do. Especially with someone you really don’t know that well or knows you.

    #703752 Reply

    kaye

    You have only been seeing each other 2 months and it really sounds to me like you two aren’t compatible. If you can’t even joke with him without him getting his feelings hurt or being insecure then you need to cut your losses. Anytime someone tells me they feel they are walking on eggshells I cringe because that is exactly how I felt with my ex husband and how my husband describes one of his exes he almost married. So that right there is a red flag you’re not in the right relationship.

    #703755 Reply

    Ali

    Hmmm… yeah, if he’s in shape and stuff how are you to know that a comment/joke about food would go over weird?

    That is odd.

    Walking on eggshells is not a good feeling at all. And also reminds me of an ex!
    Assuming that nobody in your past has told you you can be harsh or blunt or insensitive, this might not be a good fit. If this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this from someone, would be good to look at your own behavior too.

    #703769 Reply

    Emma

    I agree with everyone one here. You two seem to be incompatible.

    You are asking silly questions via text “to get to know him”. Who gets to know each other via interview type of questions? And the romantic part is so loaded, no man with any sense would answer it.

    He is flipping over everything you say it seems. I think he is irritated and annoyed by you.

    You don’t like to talk about the same things.

    You are too different people. It would be better for you to stop seeing each other if this is how things are going.

    #703791 Reply

    Laura

    He seems to be very emotional and or sensitive. I also agree with everyone else, you two do not sound compatible. Walking on eggshells in such little time is never a good thing. If you really like the guy, you could always try to communicate what bothers each other and try to work it out otherwise I would say let it go and move on!

    #703797 Reply

    Emily

    You weren’t being intrusive, but asking a guy are you romantic probably seems like a loaded question from there end. First of all, men don’t view “romance” the same way women do. Second, this is a question like, do I look fat in these pants. Of course you were going to evaluate him by his answer. If you didn’t care what he said, you wouldn’t have asked him the question. I wouldn’t bring this up again. In the future, stick to questions about hobbies, family, hopes, dreams, friends, anything other than these kinds of questions. If you want to talk about romance and traditionally girly stuff, talk to your girlfriends.

    #703798 Reply

    Emily


    *their end, not there end

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