very confused


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Raven 1 month ago.

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  • #933867 Reply

    liz

    So I was talking to someone for about a month who shared with me that it was very important to be transparent. We got along really well & I felt like we were mutually invested. I had a situation with an acquaintance of his & was starting to feel guilty not telling him so I told him. He got upset so I asked him if he was done and he said if he was done he would have deleted me from his life but that he wished I had waited to tell him or that I never did. He said he knows I didn’t do anything wrong but that it is something thats made him feel weird and he needs to process it and see if he can get over it. At first I was reaching out bc I felt like he needed the ego boost but I pulled away after a few days. We haven’t talked for over a week now but the last time we talked he said that he will let me know what he decides and that I cant force him to talk until he’s ready to. He still watches my stories but I’m not sure what to do… do i continue to wait for him to reach out, do i walk away, or do I try to text him again.

    #933868 Reply

    Raven

    Have you met this guy in person?

    If you’ve not, good- remove him from your social media.

    Don’t wait for a clod head!

    #933869 Reply

    Rubi

    He wanted honesty and you gave it to him. If he couldn’t handle it especially after he asked you to be transparent then that’s on him. If that situation you had involved someone he knows then it is really good that you informed him rather than he finds it out later and you’d look bad.
    If he decides to move forward with you then you’d know he is really into you and your heart and mind will be clear and you’d be unafraid.

    Don’t wait around for him though especially if he’s not communicating with you. It’s been a week. By now he should already know.

    Sometimes guys think they are mature to handle some things but really it’s just a show.

    I should caution you though about a similar situation a friend of mine went through. She had history with someone that the guy knows waaay before she met him. She told him about that and he’s ego was bruised, couldn’t handle the fact that someone that knows him had been with her. He told her he needs time. Took a few days, then he said he was okay with it but in reality he lost respect for her and whatever show he was putting on failed because he couldn’t get it out of his mind. Mind you the guy he knows is not even a friend or family or work colleague, just someone he follows on intagram (which is why she told him) but he never even spoke with the guy.

    Guys are sensitive in these things, they don’t want to be relationship serious with a girl that aaaanyone they know had had any involvement with and it’s somewhat stupid if you ask me. It’s all about ego. Some guys anyway. But all in all, you did the right thing. If he chooses to stay away that’s his prerogative, his choice. Next.

    #933870 Reply

    Rubi

    *Mind you the guy he knows is not even a friend or family or work colleague, just someone he follows on intagram (which is why she told him) but he never even spoke with the guy. They just like eachother’s content on Instagram.*

    Missed that part.

    #933875 Reply

    Maddie

    Unfortunately, whenever I’ve had a guy feel the need to say early on in dating that he wants full transparency, it’s always been a red flag. Because someone who really wants it just naturally takes action to do it, and clicks better with people who reciprocate it. They don’t need to say it before they even start getting to know me, because it hasn’t even come up as a problem or issue between us yet! When I’ve been explicitly told it by men in early dating, it’s because the guy was hurt by something with someone else or the guy was insecure or jealous and trying to figure out if he could control new dating situations better to avoid whatever happened in their past.

    If he is quietly making you wait a week (25% of the entire time you’ve been talking!) to consider this when you haven’t known each other that long and you maybe haven’t even met yet? That’s a lot. You can’t and shouldn’t try to force him to deal with it or talk before he’s ready, but the fact that he needs this much time and space to think it through when you’re not even an established couple yet should give you second thoughts about the situation and whether or not he’s someone who can potentially be a good partner to you when issues come up.

    #933899 Reply

    M

    I second Maddie.

    Also, without knowing the details, I kind of understand where the guy is coming from. I’ve been in his shoes. If he’s is anything like me, he’s carefully assessing whether he believes you can be trusted or not. He may even have already decided that he doesn’t think so, and so is pulling away.

    Let him. He has baggage, he needs to deal with it and find a way to do it that doesn’t sabotage his relationships.

    I love that you were so honest. Disclosing history mindfully is a smart move. If he can’t handle it, that’s great information right there.

    Keep loving yourself, remembering how cool you are, having fun, seeing who else is out there…. If he’s got what it takes, he’ll come back. If not, well, it’s a shame, but that’s more about him now than you. You can move on easily…. There’s another guy(s) out there that are wishing someone like you exists in this world liz…..

    #933900 Reply

    Raven

    Where did Liz go?

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