This topic contains 25 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Shoshannah 2 months ago.
February 11, 2019 at 1:18 pm #739501
Last year my boyfriend got me really nothing for Valentine’s Day except a card. He said it wasn’t a real holiday. That would be fine except we had been dating for 3 years and the previous 2 Valentines days he bought me gifts so naturally I would think we would exchange gifts. When I had his gift I asked aren’t we exchanging gifts and he smiled and shook his head yes but never had a gift. I did get upset at him that night and he really had no response except he made a mistake. We definitely we moved beyond it and have never talked about it again.
Here comes Valentine’s Day again and I’m seeing him this weekend. My question is what do I say if anything and do I give him a card or gift. For the past 3 years I’ve given him a card and a small gift. Thanks for your thoughts.February 11, 2019 at 1:26 pm #739504
I’d say do whatever it is you want to do, but don’t expect him to do the same. He’s already told you how he feels about it…he may give you something, he may not.February 11, 2019 at 1:30 pm #739505
Thanks LisaFebruary 11, 2019 at 1:45 pm #739508
Any guy I’ve ever run across who complained about Valentine’s Day was a dick.
Yeah sure it’s a Hallmark holiday and all that, but it’s no big deal to get a card or flowers or chocolates for someone you care about.February 11, 2019 at 2:01 pm #739510
Thanks Ava- I got a card last year. The thing I do not understand is why last year- not a gift- but gifts from him the 2 Valentines before. I’m trying to figure out what recommendations you folks might have as to what the best approach to take with this.February 11, 2019 at 2:09 pm #739512
Ask him if he wants to do a gift exchange and if he says yes then he just most likely forgot about last year’s but if he says no just leave it at that.February 11, 2019 at 2:11 pm #739514
That’s a good idea- thanks!February 11, 2019 at 2:12 pm #739515
Your welcome. I had the same problem with my BF.February 11, 2019 at 2:14 pm #739517
Better off single
I think you shouod give someone a gift out of no obligation to do it not because society tells you so. It’s a day to celebrate love and romance. So be loving and romantic.February 11, 2019 at 2:16 pm #739519
It is also a day to think of your partner, every year my BF changes his opinion on the gift exchange so it may be the same thing with other guys.February 12, 2019 at 5:36 pm #739650
So I talked with him about Valentine’s Day and I wanted to let him know I had no expectations whatsoever and I mean that. He made a light comment back not saying much except that I think too much about this. He said he was happy to spend the weekend together. The conversation moved on to something light. I am glad I brought the topic up- as openly talking about feelings has not been our strong points. I always found this holiday stressful and annoying!February 12, 2019 at 6:35 pm #739662
Better off Single
It is also a day to think of your partner. . .
EVERYDAY should be a day to think of your partner.
I agree with Eileen, Valentine’s day is stressful and annoying. It has no meaning other than marketing and money. The excuse to party is probably the only good thing about it.
In ancient Rome From Feb. 13 to 15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog, then whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain. The brutal fete included a matchmaking lottery, in which young men drew the names of women from a jar. The couple would then be, um, coupled up for the duration of the festival — or longer, if the match was right.
So be happy if your boyfriend gets you nothing or a cute little teddy bear that will gather dust in the corner of your closet. It’s better than being beaten with a dead animal and matched up with the wrong guy.February 12, 2019 at 7:06 pm #739663
Better off Single
Well, except these days instead of of drawing names from a jar you have websites like tinder…
So I guess be happy you don’t get hit with a dead dog…
I wonder if back in the day the breed of dog you were hit with mattered.
Help! He hit me with an inbred mutt instead of a bischon frise! Does this mean he’s not that into me?February 12, 2019 at 8:14 pm #739668
That was interesting BOS, and your follow up was hilarious! 😂
I’ve always said don’t bother getting me anything in V Day. It’s meaningless. Getting a card on a random Tuesday or coming home to a vase of wild flowers means so so so much more.
THAT’S where the thought counts.
Saying that, after three years you guys are doing something right! Last year he may have forgotten and only had time to grab a card before getting to you. But he DID at least get a card!
My advice would be to get s small gift that fits in your purse. Exchange cards (because I’m sure you’ll at least do that) and if he has a gift then give him yours.
If he doesn’t, not a big deal and I’m sure ther will come a time during the year you can give it to him.February 13, 2019 at 2:02 am #739687
I’ll buy one sex toy for herFebruary 13, 2019 at 2:08 am #739688
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I think people forget what a gift is or what it means. If I don’t give you a gift it doesn’t mean I love the person any less because gift giving is something one should do freely and from the heart, not because a calendar tells you to.
I prefer spontaneous gifts/actions throughout the year v. a day when you get a box of chocolates or flowers that are going to die in a week. I don’t like the holiday’s to be honest, nor do I care about giving or receiving gifts on them because its really not from the heart, its something you have to do because everyone else is doing it and if they don’t then they must not love or care for you while not taking into consideration ALL of the things they do for you during the year.
I am not expecting nor wanting a Valentine’s gift from my BF. He does so many things for me during the year that are so thoughtful, sweet or helpful that I don’t need a holiday to tell me he ‘loves me’ because he say’s and shows me he does every single day and that’s the best gift you can receive from a man.February 13, 2019 at 8:32 am #739704
Thanks for all of the comments and advice. I was trying to figure out how I should handle this day, practically speaking, as I did not handle it well last year. I think I have a good plan going forward.February 13, 2019 at 8:59 am #739705
If you ever date or marry an otherwise good guy, who is a bad gift giver, stop buying them gifts and buy something for yourself.
That said, there are the love languages, and if you are someone for whom “gifts” is how you feel your are loved, you probably need to have a talk with your man.February 13, 2019 at 10:09 am #739711
Eileen, another problem with ‘gift giving’ is you don’t always like the gift and it ends up being unused or lost. My BF and I did our first Christmas together in December. I bought him an engraved zippo lighter and a box of Almond Rocha (his favorite). I haven’t seen the zippo in about a month now as he either lost or misplaced it which would be common for that kind of gift.
He on the other hand bought me a bracelet (I dislike and refuse to wear them) in silver (I like gold) so I now have a gift that will not be worn as I am not a jewelry person and only wear it on very rare dress up occasions. Men have come to believe that all women like jewelry so I don’t begrudge him for choosing that gift; however I did have to tell him I don’t like bracelets, earring’s or silver as I don’t want him to waste his money on future gifts I won’t use or dislike. I went through it with my husband of 20 years as well; even when I pointed out or wrote down exactly what I wanted I still had to exchange or return it and buy what I asked for as he sucked at gift giving which is common with men. This is why I prefer the things (gifts from the heart) a man s for me throughout the year that doesn’t come wrapped up in a box that I might not like or ever use.
There is nothing wrong with a card. That’s all my ex husband and I did for our BD’s and Valentines Day—the only one we ‘celebrated’ was our anniversary by going to a hoity toity restaurant and exchanging cards haha. My suggestion is to Keep it simple, stress free, inexpensive and as non argumentative as you can until you’re married—then you can request an expensive gift if he can afford it :o)February 13, 2019 at 10:23 am #739714
Yes Lane I hear what you’re saying. And I know my love language is time spent together- not gifts. I like gifts and even if I don’t like them, it is the thought that counts. That’s why I was upset last year. There seem to be little thought.
Since everything else seems good, I will get a card and candy (because he loves candy)for him and leave it at that for this year.February 13, 2019 at 4:33 pm #739746
Maybe there was a reason why he didn’t get you anything last Valentine’s Day? Maybe he didn’t have enough money. Maybe you shouldn’t be so materialistic. I would be happy if my partner said Happy Valentine’s Day and gave me a card. At least it’s a thought.February 13, 2019 at 4:41 pm #739749
That’s true Kim- I hadn’t looked at it from the point of view he didn’t have any money. I know it’s not that important. I just wanted to have suggestions as to how I can handle this holiday. I have a card for him and part of me hopes it’s an evening like any other time we get together.February 13, 2019 at 4:42 pm #739750
@Ava – “Any guy I’ve ever run across who complained about Valentine’s Day was a dick.” – LMAO. But it is so true.
A “gift” does not have to be expensive, what counts is attention, some effort and thought that goes into it. A nice message with emoticons and a desert at home with a small bouquet of flowers, for the total of $20 bucks is surely affordable. It is the attitude and energy that matters.
I think the OP is not upset about not getting a gift, she is upset because the way her BF treated their 3rd V day was a sign of his feelings going down and becoming blah.
This does happen with time, that’s why I always say, get married BEFORE your relationship turn into a bore. LOLFebruary 13, 2019 at 5:27 pm #739757
I had a boyfriend once who used to pick flowers for me and it was the sweetest thing.