This topic contains 30 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Dangerouse 3 months, 1 week ago.
July 11, 2019 at 8:37 am #756761
I’m frustrated with my boyfriend. We planned a long vacation for this summer. We both grew up going to similar places with family and wanted to do it together.
I booked three nights in my favorite spot. And he booked three in his after for a 6 day trip.
His parents gave him a large sum of money as a gift to go away. He told me he would pay for the whole thing. I’m low on money so I was betting on this.
A month ago we went on a break for a while, but talked throughout the whole thing.
I got a dog during this time. A new puppy.
We got back together. He told me he was worried so he cancelled his part. I still had my part booked. I keep asking him if he still wants to go. He says yes. My parents offered to take me for free if he doesn’t want to go.
The deadline for me to get my money back is today. I keep asking him, and he says yes, but he’s frustrated that the trip isn’t longer. He cancelled the other half. Not my fault. Now he’s upset we can’t go longer. But now I have the puppy and can only go for a few days.
Then last night, he springs on me that we can split the bill of the trip, because its not his ideal place to go, its mine that I chose and he cancelled his place he wanted.
Now I didn’t save money to go. He was going to foot the bill. I stressed and frustrated. Maybe I should just cancel. He protected himself by cancelling and getting his money back, so maybe I should too. I don’t know what to do ir think?
I feel like he is super selfish. He will only pay for his dream vacation and not one that I might like.July 11, 2019 at 9:23 am #756762
Hi Jaime — I don’t think he is being selfish. I personally would never advise someone to go on any vacation without their own money to spend. Vacations are a luxury that not everyone can afford you should be thankful he was willing to go in half with you. If you are unable to afford it at this time cancel it enjoy each other’s company since you are just getting back together and plan a better one when you are in a more stable place relationship wise and financially.
I would calmly stare that you were under the impression that he would financially be funding the trip and that you are cancelling due to this. You also have the expense of a new family member(the puppy) and can no longer afford this. Try looking at the bigger picture, this is a minuscule problem.
I hope this helps!July 11, 2019 at 9:43 am #756763
You took a break and only just got back together. A vacation might be a bit much for you two now. Have you ever taken a trip together before? Traveling can make or break a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, vacationing together is a good thing to do and important, because it can strengthen a relationship if it goes well. But it might be better to just cancel the whole thing and work on getting back on solid ground with your relationship, before you undertake a vacation together.
Nicky’s advice is good about telling him calmly and clearly that you can’t afford to pay for the trip, plus you have the responsibility of the new puppy, so you simply can’t take the trip together right now. But maybe propose something else nice that you could do together. Maybe you could do a nice day trip together somewhere?
I agree with Nicky to a degree that in general it’s better not to travel unless you can pay your own way. However you said he inherited some money and he had agreed to pay for the trip, so in that case I think it’s OK to be disappointed that he is no longer paying. But, there’s nothing you can do about it, you can’t force him to pay. If you can’t agree on this, take it as a sign that it shouldn’t happen. You don’t want to go on a trip with bad feelings between you two (about who is paying, about the length of time, whatever) and have it ruin the trip– a bad vibe like that will definitely ruin a vacation, and a bad vacation will definitely harm (and possibly ruin) your relationship.July 11, 2019 at 9:51 am #756765
He’s okay with paying. If we cancel and go somewhere where he wants to go.
I keep mentioning day trips and spending quality time together in general and doing that stuff. He isn’t interested. He is being selfish saying that he only gets these three weeks off in a year and he deserves a trip doing what he wants so he is even willing to plan something and go by himself, he told me, if I can’t go. He claims if we don’t go on this trip, he is going to plan something himself, whether I can go or not.
Talk about a good relationship. I’m the type that if I can spend time with that person, then I’m happy. He’s only thinking about himself.July 11, 2019 at 9:54 am #756766
I even told him that it should be equal. I’m taking vacation time from my work too. So where I want to go should matter. He pretty much says that I get time throughout the year when I want. He doesn’t, so this is his time.July 11, 2019 at 9:57 am #756767
If I had known he wanted to split, I would have saved some money. He told me he was paying so I didn’t save as heavily to be able to afford it.
He was even a bit upset that I wouldn’t leave my puppy longer. And even suggested I leave my puppy with his parents for a whole week, with other grown dogs. I don’t know his parents quite yet and I don’t want to traumatize my dog by taking him away from my house and put him with grown dogs. I have to have my puppy fixed too and he told me his parents would handle it. So now I’m supposed to go away for a long time, leave my puppy with strangers, to have a surgical procedure with strangers to take care of him?
Seems crazy to me.July 11, 2019 at 10:07 am #756768
Sorry but I see this as entirely your fault! You’re the one being selfish here not him!! Who goes and gets a new puppy when they are planning to go on a week vacation?! Now you are using the puppy as an excuse as to why you can only go for a few days. He has no problem paying if you can go somewhere else he would like to go. I don’t see that as selfish at all!! You’re only wanting to do day trips now because you can’t be away from the dog while he actually wants to take a VACATION! Who can blame him? He has the money and wants to go enjoy himself.
My advice to you is to cancel this 3 day trip, and book somewhere he wants to go since he’s paying. Ask your parents to take care of the puppy since they were willing to take you on this trip if he didn’t go and use this time away with him to rebuild your relationship.
On a side note, owning a dog isn’t cheap. If you can’t afford to pay for half of a vacation you can’t afford a dog!! You really sound like the selfish one here.July 11, 2019 at 10:10 am #756769
It sounds like he’s being very insensitive to your needs and desires, from what you describe. I would be very hurt if my boyfriend were blowing off a vacation we had planned together, and saying he would go somewhere without me! So I understand where you’re coming from.
Are you sure you want to continue this relationship? Is he a good boyfriend in other ways? Why did you two decide to go on a break, what were the issues there?July 11, 2019 at 10:42 am #756773
If you two are already having so much issues again after just getting back together again, then i dont see this end well.
I felt kaye was harsh but when i think about it, i tend to agree or at least state that you both are selfish and do what you want without considering the other party. So there is work for both of you.
You got a puppy and he wants a vacation since he can omly take a few weeks off in a year. If you like him and you like to make this work and he wants to pay for a real holiday i would go for that really. Puppies need to adjust to different circumstances early on anyway. Im sure there is a way to work this outJuly 11, 2019 at 10:49 am #756775
I just told him that I wished I knew earlier that he wanted to split, so I could have saved up some money for the hotel, as he originally said he would cover the bill. So at this time I cannot afford splitting the hotel. I offered up day trips to him saying positively that we can still spend some time together.
He said he can do day trips any day he is off from work. He’s off Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.
He says a vacation was supposed tp be us getting away and relaxing.
He seems really mad now.July 11, 2019 at 11:07 am #756777
Getting a puppy is an interesting choice when you were low on funds and on a break from him. Dogs aren’t cheap and require a lot of attention, particularly when they’re young. Can you elaborate on why you made that choice? How does he feel about the dog? Because when you’re in a relationship, pets are part of the mix. I broke up with someone who didn’t like my cat and dog. He may secretly be upset you went off and got a dog.
You two sound like you have communication issues above just the problem of the vacation. Right now you’re both dug into your positions and acting pretty passive aggressive in some ways.
Stop accusing him of being selfish and LISTEN to him. In Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the number 5 habit is “Seek to understand first before you seek to be understood.” Drop your story of hurt and your indignation for just a few minutes and really try to get into his shoes without judgment. That’s the only way you’re going to save this relationship. Otherwise you’ll just squabble about something else and break up at some point anyway.July 11, 2019 at 11:14 am #756778
Now I feel like he is bulls***ing me. Now he is claiming since we broke up, he cancelled his portion. And he was assuming my offer to still go was a brand new trip…to the same place?
I told him I still had the reservation like 10 times. That’s a lie.
Now he is saying that he doesn’t think its fair for him to cover the whole stay. But it was fine before we went on the break.
I am getting the vibe he was not going to pay before.
He told me before the break that he would bring money and pay the hotel uo front once there. Now he is saying he would have made me pay up front and given me the money after the trip. He never said that. This is very fishy to me.
He’s claiming he doesn’t think its fair for him to pay for a three night trip, when he really wants a 6 night trip.
Sometimes you have to take what you can get. This is ridiculous. I’d take one night away with him if thats all he had.
He’s like…well why didn’t you cancel or start saving as soon as we went on the break?
Start saving to go on a trip by myself? Is he dumb? I told him I waited until the last possible day to cancel, hoping we got back together, and we did.July 11, 2019 at 11:39 am #756780
Just cancel the trip and plan something else.
I think there is entirely too much back and forth here.
I’m also curious as to why you two broke up. It appears you two can’t agree on anything.July 11, 2019 at 11:46 am #756783
I give it a week or less before you two break up for good. As you should. Not a match at all.July 11, 2019 at 11:56 am #756784
You come of as incredibly entitled…July 11, 2019 at 12:05 pm #756785
It’s probably best you stay home with your puppy. I’m a new dog owner myself and it’s a huge responsibility, and the first few weeks are so critical for bonding, training, etc.
Just let him take his solo vacation, since you guys aren’t on the same page right now. Hopefully that will diffuse the drama. And maybe take a day trip in the near future. Seeing as things seem a little tenuous, it might be better to do a shorter trip to see how things go. And not as much of a time and money investment with a short trip.
I can understand from his perspective if this is the only time he gets during the year and he would want to go somewhere he enjoys. I think you need to step out of your own shoes for a bit and see it from his perspective as well.July 11, 2019 at 12:46 pm #756790
Sarah is saying the same thing I’m saying. You need to learn to listen to him and understand his perspective. As he said he could go on a day trip any day he’s off work. This is his VACATION time. He wants to get away and relax somewhere for more than a few days. The original vacation was going to be SIX days. You are now trying to change that because YOU got a new puppy. Why can’t you understand that’s why he’s mad now?
Let me try to put this in perspective for you. Let’s say it’s not your boyfriend but your best friend. Her parents give her money for vacation and she decides she wants to take you for FREE! The two of you agree to a six day vacation but because she’s paying for it she wants to decide where to go. Would you be saying she’s “super selfish”?!?
You want him to pay for a 3 day trip to place he doesn’t even want to go! He’s willing to pay for a longer trip to somewhere else. This only got complicated because you bought a dog and are reneging on a 6 day trip. Really think about that.July 11, 2019 at 1:09 pm #756792
Thats not the case. We mutually agreed to a six day vacation.
Three days in my spot. Three in his. He cancelled his three day portion. My three day portion is left.
You’d think he’s be happy to still have some of our plan left, but he’s unhappy.July 11, 2019 at 1:25 pm #756795
Obviously, you have to cancel your reservations because you have no money
He can either make plans and invite you and pay, or he can do something else.
That’s it.July 11, 2019 at 1:51 pm #756804
I’m totally with @Kaye.
@Jaime, you do not get this at all. There’s something bigger going on under what you think you’re arguing about. And all you’re here to do is insist you’re right and complain about him. You’re not listening to any advice or perspective it seems.
Good luck. As I said, this is going to be over very quickly because both of you are being stubborn as mules. This isn’t how two people in love behave. Either of you.July 11, 2019 at 1:58 pm #756805
The two of you are just flat out not compatible. And Jaime,you sound a bit immature. There was a reason you two were “on a break” and maybe that is how the relationship should stay. I don’t see this working ..July 11, 2019 at 2:27 pm #756806
OP you sound like an entitled spoiled bratJuly 11, 2019 at 2:50 pm #756807
I swear I’m not entitled or spoiled. I actually make a better living than him and have dished out tons for him. I work really hard for what I have. I struggle with debt. I don’t complain or act like I’m expectant. Thats not me at all. The only reason I’m thrown off is because he told me a million times how he is paying for our trip. The trip shortened a bit and now he wants nothing to do with it. He was bragging how he can pay my rent to help me out and pay for the trip, and now its the opposite. And he specifically told me he was whipping out his credit card at the hotel and then today tells me how I’d have to foot the bill and he could try and see if he could pay me after the whole trip is done when he’s home. That doesn’t sound very reassuring.
He practically lives at my apartment. He has been wanting to move in. I pay for everything, rent, utilities. He does laundry and eats the food I buy. I never ask him for anything. When he’s been sick I’ve bought him stuff he needs, things to make him feel better. I’m not cheap. He had to have foot surgery months back. I went to the hospital everyday, paying to park, bringing him gifts. My parents even brought him post surgery snacks and gifts. I spent a ton just for him because I love him. I just gave him an over $100 birthday gift.
I have a lot of student debt and he knows sometimes I’m strapped.
He is changing everything he originally told me. This is why I feel crazy inside. Like I am crazy.
When we got back together one of the first things I told him was that I still had our reservation from before. I kept asking him if he wanted to go. He seemed unsure. I told him we could savor what was left of the trip we had planned. Crunch it into three days and not six. He said yes to going. And seemed excited.
But now he doesn’t seem satisfied with this. Wants more, but he was the one who cancelled the second half.
Now he is saying he thought I was bringing it up as him tagging along with me to go there on my trip. And he thought it was a new trip. I specifically told him I still had the reservation from the original trip. I swear he is twisting things to make them seem different.
He said to me today. He was okay paying the whole bill for 6 days, but doesn’t want to just pay for three. He seems very hung up that if its not what he had in mind, he doesn’t want it. What about just having a nice trip together and relaxing, but because I like the place and picked it, its not good enough.
Its the same trip…how does that make any sense?July 11, 2019 at 2:53 pm #756809
For once, it just felt nice to let someone else take care of me. And I was excited for it. And it all crumbled today.
He knew how much this place meant to me. My family goes there annually. So many cherished memories. And I told him how I always dreamed of taking someone I love. Because its so special. My cousins go with their girlfriends and fiancee’s. Its special to all of us. I feel like my dream has been ripped away. And I’m losing him too.July 11, 2019 at 3:00 pm #756814
And all this adds up to… an unbalanced, unsatisfying relationship and it’s time for you to exit because you are being used. That’s why you’re so peeved. And who wouldn’t be with all that going on.
(Would have been helpful if you explained all this a lot earlier.)