Using me for sex

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #757592 Reply


    I don’t really know why I even decided to come to write this here. Maybe it’s because I have no one else to talk to. I’ve never felt more pathetic and stupid in my entire life. Recently, my ex has gotten back into touch with me and I gave in because I was excited that maybe he hasn’t gotten over me all this time. It’s not that I’ve been waiting around for him, I too have moved on but if you truly love someone, you will always love them. Your love for them doesn’t disappear once you break up. I actually convinced myself that us hanging out in the middle of the night wasn’t a booty call. Yup, go ahead, go write that I am stupid for thinking that. It’s nothing I don’t know already. The first couple of times we hung out it really did seem like he wanted to connect and not just get laid. But then last night, his true motive was revealed. Right after “it” happened, he left right away. I remember putting my shoes on and him grabbing his things and whispering to myself, “don’t cry yet, don’t cry yet.” The drive home I bawled my eyes out. But this whole time, I don’t blame him. I blame myself. I blame myself for getting into this situation in the first place. However, the only thing I just can’t understand is how guys can do things like this with no emotion whatsoever. I used to be the girl that he said he couldn’t live without. Feelings change and they go away but this just seems like an extent. How can he look at me and not feel anything when I look at hi and feel everything again?

    #757594 Reply


    Because men don’t attach sex with emotions. And yes, it is on you to assume that the reconnection meant anything. Lesson to be learned is that an ex will come back for easy sex. Your job is to determine why he came back. You didn’t do that. You just assumed. I also don’t agree with your comment that people stay in love. I can’t think of one of my exes I still have love for. You aren’t stupid, you are naive and have poor survival skills.

    #757596 Reply


    Dont beat yourself up over it. It happened, it hurt, its in the past. You arent the first nor last person this has happened to. Dust yourself off and move forward. Do learn from the experience though and try not to get involved with exes ( especially if its not clear what they are after). And in this case i would stop communicating with him at all, even block him if you must.
    As for why “guys” can do this. I dont think this is a guys vs girls issue here. I think this is more about whether someone is still in love or not. I think its right that guys can seperate sex from emotions and they also tend to not develop emotions through sex. But a man in love will still attach emotions to having sex with his partner.
    Your ex isnt in love with you anymore ( i know its hard to hear) so he can easily treat it/you as just a hook up. You still seem to be though so getting over that, which is what you should focus on right now

    #757597 Reply


    He could be a narcissist.

    #757620 Reply

    T from NY

    He did NOT use you for sex. He enjoyed consensual sex with someone he has history with and he is attracted to. You declare in your post that you know better, that you did not discuss getting back together or discuss being physical again, or what it meant to the two of you – that you only hung out in the middle of the night. Don’t back peddle or misrepresent in subject of the post as him using you.

    It IS going to be OKAY. I just always make a point on this forum to encourage women to own their lack of communication and clarity as their responsibility when having sexual relations with a man. The ONLY women who are USED for sex are the ones being lied to overtly or the man leads them on and talks them into sex with promises of a relationship. And that’s not cool. But MOST men will be honest and tell you they don’t want a relationship (or to get back together) if you properly vet them. It really isn’t much work at all usually.

    But women routinely smoke hopium pipes. (Myself included on more than one occasion until I finally learned better). I’m sorry you are hurting as you see he has detached from you. Your turn to detach from him. Go forward wiser. Tend to you. You will heal. And you will move on.

    #757639 Reply


    You used to be the girl he couldn’t live without – until he lived without you. Love doesn’t stay however. Couples break up and fall out of love all around the world. When things break up, and they come together again – its never the same person who returns. Its evident, he doesn’t love you, the way you love him. It’s hard. However, its harder to hold on, than let go. Sounds like you need to fully let him go & move on with a man who wants to love you right.

    #757667 Reply


    Why don’t you take your own advice, Sarah?

    #757669 Reply


    Agree with T from NY. the sex just happened and that’s that. u obviously expected more because it happened. that’s not really his fault is it? its not like he lied and led you on and then ran off after getting close to you. this episode should be taken by you in the right spirit and should be an eye opener for you. next time do not have sex unless your sure about what you have with the man and what your expectation are. pls do not feel bad about it. learn from it.

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