**UPDATE** He said he is nervous about commitment


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice **UPDATE** He said he is nervous about commitment

This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Rina 3 months ago.

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  • #713589 Reply

    Rina

    Update on my earlier post

    I have a conversation about taking things further with and making things official. And he has said to me that he is not ready for a relationship right now after nearly 5 months together.

    He said the following. I like you lots Rina you must know that now. You are worth loads because you are amazing but I’m not doing something I don’t want to do right now.

    I told him that’s fine and to focus on himself and enjoy his trip. If it’s meant to be we’ll speak when he get back or we’ll cross paths. To which he said he doesn’t want us to end.

    I’m so confused by him. He admitted that are like bf and gf but won’t make the commitment. I honestly do not know what to do! Am I being too hasty calling it off after the latest.

    Sorry to post again but I really need some advice and my close gfs have gone on vacation :(

    #713599 Reply

    Bedazzle

    I would recommend you wait until after the vacation until either of you decide anything. A man falls in love with a woman when he misses her. Give him a chance to miss you. Don’t be in contact while he is gone so he can figure out what he wants. See what he says when he gets back.

    Also ask him what he envisions? Does he see a future with you or are you just a place holder. He should be able to answer that when he gets back.

    #713597 Reply

    Amy

    My opinion, to take or leave as you see fit:

    He’s on vaycay right now and the last thing he wants is an ultimatum. So let him have his vaycay, don’t talk to him, if he sends a message send a nice light cheerful reply with NO mention of DTR. Keep it easy and free and let him have time to miss you.

    When he comes back, be prepared to let him know that if he wants you to act exclusive, wants you to date only him, and wants you two to have an intimate relationship, then he needs to say so and act as such.

    If he DOESN’T want that, then he doesn’t get the privilege of keeping you all to himself. You are free to date other people, since BY HIS OWN ADMISSION he doesn’t want a relationship.

    And be prepared to accept whatever he says as the truth.

    Don’t let him wheedle you into giving him exclusivity without him giving you the same in return.

    #713600 Reply

    Lane

    Listen to what he said “I do not want a relationship” which mean in man speak means I do not want a relationship with YOU!”

    He not in love with you the way e need to be with a woman in order for a man to progress with you. He doesn’t have those types of feelings. He likes hanging out with you the same way he likes hanging out with his buds but that’ where it ends. And yes men who are not in love can act like a BF but have no desire to be one as it involves a higher level of ‘expectations’ and he clearly is not willing to give them to you.

    Let this one go and only waste your time with someone who’s duly willing and wanting to be your BF. Stop using the word “commitment” with men, thats reserved for those who ask you to marry them, which is done though a proposal and ring. Your jumping past the finish line before you even got to the gate (achieved the GF title)…slow down.

    #713601 Reply

    Phillygirl

    It means he wants no-strings. It also means that if you want an exclusive BF/GF relationship he isn’t your guy, and you need to move on.

    Women rarely listen when a guy says this, because they think they will change a his mind-you won’t. You will hang in, thinking that you just need to be patient and he needs time, when he’s already told you all you need to know.

    He WON’T step up, and if you don’t step out, you will waste your time and get hurt even worse than if you end it now.

    #713604 Reply

    T from NY

    I know you must be hurting now. And I’m very sorry you are. We have all been there. It’s just — dating. But I don’t know what further advice you would need then you got on the first thread. The only relationships (including one experience I’ve had with a really good man) I’ve seen make it PAST a guy freaking out over his freedom – were ones where the woman TRULY let the guy go. Meaning: you 100% say to the guy — you being undecided is also not what I want. I deserve a guy crazy about me. And then REALLY let go. If they choose to come back you are VERY wary and the guy knows he’s on serious probation.

    In my instance, I broke up with a guy after 4 months because he started expressing reservations after previously asking to be exclusive. I let him go and TRULY was moving on in my heart when he contacted me 4 days later beseeching me for a chance to talk. He admitted he freaked out and swore he was 100% committed to me. Swore to me that he would show me in word and action — and he did. Never a hesitation after that. Full steam ahead talking about a future and life together. He absolutely knew he would be GONE if it was otherwise.

    But please know — that is RARE. Most men who break it off at this point — know. He is at Leary being honest. Don’t take it to heart., I mean regarding your worth. Truly don’t. It means he is NOT the man for you. Because the man for you would never put you through this. Move on for YOU. Not as some kind of ploy to win him back. I know it’s hard. But get to tending to you. You deserve a man crazy about you.

    #713607 Reply

    Khadija

    This man has spoken so now you need to listen.

    Anytime a guy told me that, it meant he didn’t want a relationship with me now or later on.

    Eventually he found someone else to be with and I use to be crushed. I’ve since learned that when a guy says that move on, cut all communication, and find someone who wants a relationship with you.

    He was honest so I urge you to take what he said and move forward.

    If you stick around you basically are agreeing to a no strings attached arrangement. Too many women stick around hoping things will change. Don’t be that woman.

    #713614 Reply

    Ollie

    I agree with the others. It’s time to cut your losses.

    You could let this drag on for a few months more if you wanted, but the end result will still be the same.

    It has nothing to do with your worth. He’s just not the one.

    I have been in your shoes. I am now engaged to the man of my dreams. I am so thankful that I let go of the guy who showed a lack of desire to take it to the next level at 5 months. I thought he was a good catch, but my fiance is so much better in EVERY way.

    #713621 Reply

    Raven

    He wants his cake & to eat it, too…

    #713625 Reply

    peggy

    To sum up-tell him “Later Alligator”. You will find better!

    #713627 Reply

    Jenny

    Let it be for now, as far as you’re concerned it’s over. If he contacts you when he gets back tell him as the others have said that you’re only interested in dating a man who can commit, you understand it’s not him and you wish him the best. And then do not have any more contact. You will get hurt. I don’t know why people think they can do this. No future means it’s over. You don’t need to be “friends.” Sorry it went this way, but he did you a favor by being honest rather than wasting more of your time.

    #713630 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I agree with others. If I were you I would feel almost insulted… because if he’s not ready, then what were you two doing for the past 5 months? I guess you thought that you were developing a relationship. I was on the other side of this, it was me who not ready. but the guy was pursuing me anyway, and finally I gave in, we were together. it ended anyway, it just wasn’t meant to be, ever, and I’ve known that from the very beginning. so listen when he says he is not ready, it means he knows you are not compatible. I’m very sorry. but I agree, next!

    #713633 Reply

    Emma

    This guy is on vacation, you were advised not to bring this up while he is away but you did not listen

    Why are you asking for advice if you know you are not going to follow it.

    What is confusing to you? That he wants to have his cake and eat it too? Have you around but have his options open? 5 months with you and he is “not ready for a relationship”? Give me a break.

    Ladies stop being so foolish. You are already in a relationship. But if oyur dude bluntly denies this and then on top of it tells you he is not ready (while having a de facto relationship with you), don’t dive into a denial by proclaiming you are “confused”.

    You are looking for justifications to stick around, then stick around. Why ask for advice that you already know and then won’t follow? Seriously girl, grow up and act like a woman. Don’t’ be a sissy with no balls. This is reserved for men these days LOL

    #713652 Reply

    Hannah

    I’m with the others. Time to walk away now. Don’t contact him and, when ye contacts you, explain he made the decison not to want a relationship so you’ve walked away.

    I’ve been in T’s position too. My husband initially said he didn’t want to commit to a relationship but changed his mind when I walked away. I don’t think we ever would have had a serious relationship if I hadn’t done that, because he knew I was only going to accept good treatment and I wasn’t going to hang onto him at all costs. Men need to feel respect to feel love.

    The chaces are he won’t change his mind but that’s irrelevant. He doesn’t want a relationship. You do. He’s left with with no option but to walk away. Unless you want to compromise yourself and be his FWB forever?

    #713667 Reply

    Rina

    Emma you a need to CALM DOWN !!!
    His not on vacation yet!

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