Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Trying to Decode a Man
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Peggy.
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Rachel
I’m just looking for some other people’s opinions because I don’t know what to think about this guy. We met online, talked a few times, and then due to things happening in my life, the conversation died out and we never met in person. Fast forward a month, he contacted me again so I decided to give him a chance. We met, I left for a week and a half, and then I came back and we hung out three times in the course of a week before we both left for the holidays. I went overseas, and he went home to be with family which then turned into a work trip so he’s still gone. The last time that we hung out, we had talked about doing things when we got back, and he said that he would talk to me when he could over break. Then Christmas happened, and I didn’t hear from him much. He did tell me that he had enjoyed leaving his phone in another room for hours at a time, and that he was frustrated he had to travel for work more because it was evident work is forced to be his primary focus. I asked him for clarification on this if he was saying he didn’t want to hang out anymore, and he said that he’s not saying that, but that we could talk about it when he came back in 2+ weeks (at the time). (He actually said that it wasn’t a smokescreen, just an observation…I figured that this was his perfect out if he wanted one.) Anyways, since then, he will respond to my texts, but only if they have questions (he was like that when he was here anyways). Although, just a few days ago, he sent me pictures of what he had been doing for work. He hasn’t really initiated anything so I’m just confused that he’s talking about hanging out, is he still interested? I know that guys sometimes have different texting habits, and I’m wondering if this is just him going back to “normal” after texting quite a bit. I know we only hung out a few times, but I’m just wondering if I should cut my losses and move on. I haven’t heard from him in a few days, but I also know he’s super busy with an acquisition of a new company for work.
Liz Lemon
It’s not clear to me what the timeline is for all this? How long have you been talking to this guy? When’s the last time you actually saw him?
In my experience, if a guy is romantically interested in you, he makes it clear. Especially at the beginning. If he met you and were wowed by you, he would be trying to woo you. If he’s back in town and has not initiated seeing you, then he’s not that interested. If you haven’t heard from him for days (not even a text), he’s not that interested. It really isn’t rocket science.
He could be seeing other women he met online and keeping you on the back burner. He could genuinely be very busy with work and think you’re OK, but not interested in you enough to make a date happen. When I first started dating my boyfriend he was working 50-60 hours a week (at times he had 14 hour work days) and he still found time to take me out a couple times a week.
If I were you I wouldn’t initiate contact with him anymore. If he reaches out and sets up a date, then great, be warm and receptive because you know he’s at least somewhat interested. If he only talks about hanging out but never sets up a date, or just texts sporadically and sends random photos, I wouldn’t read anything into it. He’s probably just looking for attention.
Khadija
Your title says it all, trying to decode a man.
When a man is interested in you, there is no reason to do this.You know where you stand and his actions make it clear that he is interested in you.
I wouldn’t reach out anymore and you should continue to meet people.
Only he knows why he’s fallen back don’t spend your time trying to figure things out.
Tallspicy
You should not be initiating with a man who is not your boyfriend. And you should be multi dating until someone is your boyfriend. We have no idea and honestly, you are too invested in a complete stranger. You should be giving ) f’s until a man is your boyfriend. I personally think he likes you, but might be seeing others or his work is not under control. None of that matters. Just keep out there and if he shows up. then he does, and if he does not, then he doesn’t.
Rachel
I saw him the day before we both left for vacation…he’s still not back home (it’s been three weeks)- hence, the confusion. I do hear from him every couple of days or so. It’s just confusing because I agree that if a man is interested, you usually hear from them more often. However, even when he was here, and we were seeing each other often, he would only text to make plans, and that’s about it. Thanks for the encouragement to do what I thought – move on – I just needed someone else to say it because he was/is a decent man…just obviously isn’t the man for me…at least at this time period.
Liz Lemon
He’s not even in town, so how can he be asking you out? I think you’re overthinking this. I didn’t realize he still wasn’t back in town when I read your original post. And from what you’re saying he’s not a huge texter.
Just take a step back. Don’t think about it so hard. See what happens when he gets back in town. In the meantime definitely don’t wait around for him, continue dating other guys. If he texts you, reply in a friendly way. Then if he asks to see you when he’s back in town, great. If he doesn’t, there’s your answer.
Rachel
And there’s my biggest downfall in life…overthinking everything! :) Thanks Liz Lemon for your advice! Sometimes, it’s better for me just to get it out in words because it helps me process!
redcurleysue
With men you do not wait. First come first serve. If they are interested they will be the first in line and fight to stay there. When a man treats you this casually they like you but that is it at this point. Keep dating others.
Tallspicy
a healthy man is not going to talk to you every minute of the day when he barely knows you and is out of town. You don’t have much to talk about as YOU BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER. It would also be really gross if you were overinvesting by creating false intimacy while he is away (overtexting etc.). Most men who have become my boyfriends did not contact me every day at the beginning. We would plan a date, he would say hi occasionally and we would engage when we could see each other.
I would say, he is simmering on the back burner. You need something on the front burner!
It is much too early to say that he is treating you this way or that. You met, you connected, and now life is getting in the way. You do you, and when he is back, you will have a better idea. But keep meeting others in the meantime….
Peggy
Hi-I just see two people who have schedules that do not mesh and are too busy to date and/or date each other or have time for a relationship. Proceed as Liz and Tall indicate.
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