too guarded?

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Blu 10 months ago.

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  • #732753 Reply


    Hi Everyone,

    I am 33 and have been single around about 2 years now. I don’t date a great deal because I am often quite busy with my start up business but when I do date it’s typcially guys I met online/apps.

    I try to follow all the ‘rules’ I have read online, letting the men lead, never initiating contact with these guys, remaining in the feminine energy and letting them take lead.

    I consider myself a friendly and upbeat person but as I mentioned I do tend to get busy, texting isn’t my strong point but I do try not to be too aloof and show enthusiasm in responses.. So the general feedback I am getting from guys is that I am aloof and guarded. I feel as though a lot of guys seem interested but eventually just drop of the radar without even getting to a date. Or I end up on dates and they mention how I am totally different in real life as I seemed so guarded prior and don’t give much away….I thought this was supposed to be a good thing and peaks guys interest!????

    Additionally, I rarely get past the first date, I typically get a message from them that night but quite often that’s it, they will mention a second date but it never materialises. Or they pop back up again in a month or so and by that time I’ve lost all interest.

    I’m feeling at a loss to be honest….

    #732754 Reply


    I’ve been single for about 3 years now and have been on Tinder for a little over a year. It’s typical online dating. I often have conversations with guys for weeks or even months but it never comes to a date or they just stop texting after a while. When I do go on dates, it often goes quite well but it either sticks with that one date (same experiences as you describe) or we plan a second date and around 10 huge red flags pop up and I decide to not continue anything. (Just posted a thread with a question about my last tinder date :p).
    It’s not just you, I fear that’s what online dating is like for a lot of us.

    #732755 Reply


    When you go out with these guys, do you feel like you can be yourself?

    Are you worried about saying too much, trying to mysterious?

    People pick up on these things and if a guy feels like you won’t open up a bit he is not going to ask you out again.

    Men do like a challenge but, if you are brick wall many will move on.

    Do you think you are guarded?

    #732757 Reply


    About the being guarded thing. Do you consider yourself guarded in real life conversations and when you meet people? If not, maybe you can just tell the guys your texting on these online dating apps that you’re busy, not good at keeping up with texts but are very social in real life. Maybe this way guys will ask you out on dates more often and you’ll have “warned” them that you’re not as guarded as you may seem.

    #732758 Reply


    Hi Elle,

    I am glad I am not the only one! I mean part of me does think that I am not necesssirly the ‘problem’ and that online dating is just HARD in general but when you are constantly being told the same thing it makes you question yourself.

    #732760 Reply


    Hi Khadija,

    I am definitely not a person who gives too much away to anyone but I wouldn’t say guarded. Particularly on dates I try to be more open when asked questions about things like family.

    Elle, I have tried that one

    #732761 Reply


    I don’t think I worry too much about being mysterious though. I just say/do what comes naturally!

    #732765 Reply


    Hi Lee and Elle-read Rachael Greenwald-a dating coach-book Have him at hello-why he didn’t call you back etc.” A fun read and very helpful info!

    #732803 Reply


    I think guys are expecting too much on a first date from online. We are meetings strangers for goodness sake. If we are trying to be friendly and interested in them, what else do they want??

    It used to be men had to impress women. Now men want to be all impressed on a first date, instead of trying to get to know you. I think men are making mistakes about who they are picking online and letting some of the good women go..

    #732836 Reply


    I think you are right Kathy, blowing my own trumpet maybe but guys are also always telling me about disaster dates; girls getting too drunk,starting fights and all sorts and i’m just there thinking Uhm Hello, normal sane girl over here can’t even get a text back lol. Clearly they are initially selecting for the wrong reasons.

    #732840 Reply


    This is because most men don’t date to get into relationships. So of course they go for a type online that fits their fancy. They aren’t looking for a mate. You will notice on some of these sites that the same people, both men and women, are on there for years. They just keep recycling. Many are unavailable, undesirable, already taken, goofing around, looking just for easy hook ups. Online takes so little effort for big payoff for a guy. For women looking for depth and relationships you have to kiss a lot of frogs.some get lucky but majority seem to burn out because of the diverse reasons why men and women go online.

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