This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by L 7 months ago.
January 18, 2018 at 10:10 pm #679833
I’ve been talking to a girl for about 5months now and she’s been in a depressive state for a while and still getting over feelings for her baby daddy so it’s taken some time and a lot of on and off mixed signals but she’s finally starting to openly show signs that she’s in to me a lot. Today we stopped at the gas station and while I was inside waitng in line a guy comes out of no where and they start talking very friendly (laughing, showing him her son in the back etc.) and see her what appeared to be putting his number in her phone and by the time I get out the store and start walking towards them their just ending the conversation so I didn’t really hear any of it and as the dude walks past me he gives me one of those juvenile nods and a smirk. When I get in the car after pumping gas she immediately explains the situation before I even said anything by saying “I used to work with that kid, but he’s really young and that he works at the car wash right there (she currently works at another car wash) and that she was going to try to get a job there cause he said they paid him better” to which I said that’s good and left it at that but inside it was a million things going through my head. Now I’m not the jealous type and don’t mind when other dudes look or even try to talk to her, but my concern is the way she so easily just gave him her number like that. What do you think???
January 18, 2018 at 10:43 pm #679836
Oh i think this is really rude what she did. I dont understand why she did not introduce him to you.. this is a minimum of respect…January 18, 2018 at 10:53 pm #679837
I don’t know, it makes sense possibly if she wants to talk to him about getting a job where he works. Maybe he’s going to introduce her to his boss?
The guy had already left her before you got back, so she couldn’t have introduced you.
You said he kind of smirked, but even if he likes her and was hitting on her, it doesn’t mean that’s what your girlfriend had in mind.
Wait a week or so and ask if the job worked out.
If she hasn’t done something untrustworthy before then you should try believing her unless she gives you a reason to not trust her.January 18, 2018 at 11:12 pm #679842
If she works at a car wash, and he works at a car wash and gets paid better at the one he works for…that’s your answer!
Do you trust her or not? If you don’t know her well then you need to ask questions, not in a judgmental/accusing way but out of curiosity, such as “have you ever cheated before?” and carefully listen to what she says as it will give you a lot of insight into a person.
This is one of the questions I ALWAYS ask a guy prior to any romantic gestures as their more open when they don’t realize their being interviewed which is why I prefer the ‘friend to romantic’ mindset v. jumping right in because you can get a lot of intel on a guy by asking simple questions no differently than you would ask things about any stranger your getting to know. Need to ,suss her out before you make an investment or your could get hurt if you don’t get to know the real her, not what you want her to be because you really like her but who she really is at the core (overall character).
Think of her as an onion that you need to peel away, layer by layer, before you can truly know if she’s someone you can see yourself with over the long haul. This takes a bit of time with a lot of questions and observation to determine if she’s a good or bad bet.January 18, 2018 at 11:50 pm #679844
The problem isn’t that I don’t trust her about what they were talking about but that maybe she’s just too gullible or easy or just playing dumb with me or something. I fully trust what she tells me 100% by now through our conversations and the one thing I did hear him tell her was to wait till Saturday cause that’s when he’ll be there. My concern is how easily he was able to get her off gaurd and gitty like that when she knew I was right there, I can only imagine how she acts when I’m not there and she’s done it to me before with one of my “friends” where she just met him and sided with him over me about a very simple conversation that she made me out to look like a bad guy over when no one should have been faulted at all really in any way and played in to his game very easily. Shes not “officially” my gf yet so it’s no harm done really but I’m just concerned that she can be so easily swayed like that cause if we were dating I’d want to be able to trust that she’d recognize that their just trying to hit on her and that she’d handle it herself and play them off and not fall so easily in to their game. Are these bad signs of a low self esteem or something like that or maybe she just doesn’t see it that way so she doesn’t see that she’s playing in to their game??? I’m just trying to decide if it’s something to actually be concerned about when we are official and just want to know really why she does that, cause if that was me I would have respected the fact I was with her and not have been SO overly friendly like that. Or am I just overreacting and let it play it self out??? Thanks for the repliesJanuary 19, 2018 at 12:18 am #679845
I think you’re a rebound…January 19, 2018 at 12:26 am #679846
A rebound to whom exactly??? She hasn’t been with anyone in years and was in a state of depression for the last two years from a death of a close friend and her baby daddy cheated on her… We haven’t even hooked up yet, we both agreed when we started talking the only way to see if work between us is to get to know each other first. So no I can’t be rebound, she wasn’t with anyone for her to rebound from..January 19, 2018 at 12:50 am #679847
“maybe she just doesn’t see it that way so she doesn’t see that she’s playing in to their game??? ”
Exactly. Maybe she’s friendly and she’s going to be that way all the time unless she doesn’t like someone. Just because he’s hitting on her doesn’t mean that’s what she wants. She could even know he’s interested, and she’d be nice even if she’s not interested back, just because they know each other and he’s trying to help her get a better job. There would be no point in being cold to him.
You wouldn’t want her acting different when you’re there than when you’re not around. The fact that she was being friendly when you were around isn’t a bad thing. And she wasn’t trying to make you jealous, because she immediately told you who he was and why she got his number.
It can be hard, but it’s usually best to expect the best from new people you’re dating–assume the best from them until they prove otherwise. So for now assume she is just a friendly person. It doesn’t mean to close your eyes, just try to come up with the positive reasons for her to do things, not the negative. Then let things play out.
I used to have a bad habit of assuming the worst of guys I dated when they did things I didn’t understand, and it’s no way to get to know someone. The negative stuff in your mind will affect how you are and turn things bad. Think positive.January 19, 2018 at 1:33 am #679849
“still getting over feelings for her baby daddy…”January 19, 2018 at 2:43 am #679858
If I needed a favour from a guy (help finding a job), he was flirting with me and I was single, I’d flirt back too! It doesn’t make her easy. It means nothing.
She’s a single woman. If you don’t want her to behave like a single woman, make her your girlfriend.January 19, 2018 at 3:13 am #679861
Why would you expect her not to flirt with others when she is a single woman, i.e., not your gf?January 19, 2018 at 11:35 am #679902
Ok so maybe I am jus overthinking it a little too much and I’ll just have to learn to accept that that’s going to happen a lot with her and just deal with it in a positive way. I see what your saying about the rebound part but remember she works at a car wash and has plenty of better options available for that before she even met me but never acted on any till she met me and I can feel the connection with her is real, we both just have to work on some things and have a lot going on in our lives to focus on rn but ik it will happen in due timeJanuary 19, 2018 at 2:23 pm #679930
Stephen fake posts always such you ladies inJanuary 19, 2018 at 3:19 pm #679935
If she wanted to cheat on you or have these kind of idea, believe me she will not do it in front of you. Maybe its nothing, just trust yourselfJanuary 19, 2018 at 8:06 pm #679971
The point is if you want her to be exclusive with you and not pay attention to other guys, you need to start by asking her to be your gf. No self-respecting woman is going to start acting like your gf without the title.January 19, 2018 at 8:36 pm #679977
@Amanda, but what guy would “issue a title” if she constantly plants jealousy seeds?
I think you need to trust your gut. She is not over her baby daddy…?
I know I’d much prefer a guy to confront me about things than pretend he is not even bothered while fuming inside.January 19, 2018 at 9:20 pm #679978
Well I’ve brought it up in the past and she said that she’s not looking for a boyfriend rn and is just trying to focus on improving her situation in life. But then she’ll flirt with me and give me obvious signs that she likes me and she’s not the kind of girl who just has fwb so that’s not an option to start things off which is a good thing imo. She also told me that I’m the first guy she’s let take her out since she has been depressed so I don’t think she’s just trying to use me, I think it will just take time for her to be ready. She said she doesn’t have feelings for her baby daddy like that and that “he made his choice” and that she only cares cause it effects her son but I’m pretty sure she still has some because of how she acts about him, but he has a new girl and recently got her pregnant and ever since she found that out she’s been coming on gradually stronger towards me but it’s still mixed signals and a complicated situation rnJanuary 20, 2018 at 7:31 am #679999
Maybe it was the phone number to the Jerry Springer show.