Too busy for a relationship or am I not a priority or am I being selfish?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Too busy for a relationship or am I not a priority or am I being selfish?

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #434989 Reply
    Tessa

    My guy (we’re not official since there is a distance problem) recently got a new job and it’s so demanding and stressful. His bosses sound like absolute nightmares but he wants to stick with it for a bit so he can use it as a reference. He works 6-7 days a week from morning to evenings.
    We went from Skype dates a few nights a week to once a week if we’re lucky. And add to that, sometimes he’s doing other work while talking to me and I get annoyed. We went from messaging each other on WhatsApp a few times a day to being lucky if I get a response to a text I sent.
    We have talked about it before and we did schedule a day to have a Skype session one night a week but the only time we tried it, he was distracted with work stuff. We also compromised that just a good night or “check in” text at the end of the day would be fine with me.
    B

    #434992 Reply
    Tessa

    Oops, I hit submit too early.

    After the compromise, it was okay but like I said, he was distracted on our first scheduled Skype session and I was annoyed. And a few days later, the texts stopped. I was annoyed because I would see that he did make it on WhatsApp and probably reply to his friends but just not have time to reply to me?
    I was extremely hurt so I messaged him saying maybe he should focus on work instead of juggling me as well. He said that was a good idea and when I said NC, he didn’t seem too happy but he said he understood and was sorry that he couldn’t give me what I needed. I told him that I just needed to get my feelings in check and in line with the nature of our relationship, which I guess sounded like a break to him. He told me that he would be here when I was able to do that and once again, that he was sorry.
    I’m just confused because there are so many mixed signals to me.
    He says I’m important to him and it’s just because he’s busy with work. Am I being too selfish for wanting a text a day and to have all his attention when we Skype? Can I still be a priority but just at the bottom of his most important priority list?

    Thanks for reading. Any insight or advice would be appreciated. :)

    #435023 Reply
    Sanni

    Tessa – Dating a busy man, isn’t easy at all, nor is it something for every woman. I think it takes a certain kind of woman to be able to handle a busy man and to be okay with it’s possible consequences on a relationship….

    Are you being selfish? No.

    Are you wanting too much? No.

    Are you a priority to him? Unfortunately no, not at the moment.

    Although you are not being selfish at all, because you are entitled to everything you want and need out of a relationship and you are also not asking for too much, as you’re only asking for the bare minimums…The problem here is simply that you’re not capable of handing this type of relationship, because you want and need more and that’s OKAY! because like I said, you have a right to more. But, he’s unable to give you more, and that’s where the problem lies.

    I’m currently dating a super busy guy, he owns 2 businesses, teaches and has just recently launched a product – which takes up a lot of his time. So he’s BUSY TO THE MAX and there’s not enough hours in one day for him to complete all that he needs to do. Because I’ve chosen to be with him, I have to be super patient and understanding of his schedule and in return he does his very best to put me as priority within all of his priorities, I know I’m not #1 as his work is, but that’s the pay off when you choose to be with a busy man, especially a man who is married to his work! lol.

    ALTHOUGH, I disagree with the fact that your guy can’t at least text you once a day, even if it’s for a check in at the end of the night. My bf and I talk daily, multiple times a day. We talk on the phone almost every day, usually at the end of our night, but sometimes we’ll just talk thru text and some days we’ll talk via text and phone call AND then meet up. it all depends but he does enjoy hearing from me and your guy should too.

    I think this relationship isn’t the right one for you and I think he feels the same way, which is why he so easily let you go and agreed to this “break”. I believe maybe you need to sit down with yourself and be brutally honest and figure out if you’re able to be with a busy man, because I can almost guarantee you that his focus on his career isn’t going to change any time soon.

    #435030 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Well said Sanni.

    A man who is ambitious is a man who is ambitious. That will not change…either understand it and love it or leave it alone.

    Take the wife of a doctor…she can count on nothing – ever. Some women can do it and some cannot…no right or wrong….just know yourself and what you can handle.

    #435057 Reply
    Sanni

    Exactly RCS. Good example!

    You have to be able to handle some of not a lot of rejected invites, because work came up or he’s not done his work for the day, or a deadline is around the corner.

    Unfortunately you have to be able to understand some possible broken promises. Doesn’t mean he wants to break those promises, but if work is calling, he will be running…

    You have to be strong, independent, self secured, trusting, and have a matured sense of understanding.

    This doesn’t mean you have to allow him to walk all over you, it just means that you need to have a fulfilling life too and learn to love his dedication and find ways he might be able to incorporate you in his work, if possible. For example, I offer to help my guy with his product all the time. We make it enjoyable, get to spend time together all the while he’s working.

    But one thing you have to keep in mind is that you can never change or shift his focus, if that’s going to happen, it will be from him. If you try, he will resent you for it.

    #723748 Reply
    Shefali O’Hara

    He can’t even text? He is totally not into you.

    I am dating a really busy guy. He has young children and that is part of it – so in addition to demanding work he often has to watch his children in the evenings since his ex often works then. Sometimes it’s hard for us to schedule a date night. But even so, he ALWAYS texts me. EVERY SINGLE DAY. We do a good morning text. Most evenings we talk, but if we don’t I get a good night text. If something comes up and I need to call, he always either picks up the phone or calls me back within 20 minutes. If he can’t call me back he texts to let me know why and ask what is going on.

    The reality is – no matter how busy someone is, they can spare 10 seconds to text someone if they really care about that person. If he isn’t doing that, it’s because he isn’t thinking about you.

    You need to date other people and move on because this guy is not that into you. Men show you they love you by their actions, not what they say. A guy can say he loves you all he wants, but if he can’t show you… then he doesn’t really mean it. JMHO

    #723750 Reply
    Diana

    I am in a similar situation, but unlike you even though the guy is super busy he always text, always replies straight away if not then max it takes him 2h to reply. texting is minimum effort he is probably on his phone most of the time so I am guessing he is just not that into you anymore.

    #723753 Reply
    Sara

    One thing is not that clear – do you ever meet in person? Or have you ever met ?
    Because otherwise I am not quite sure why you have these expectations towards him

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
Reply To: Too busy for a relationship or am I not a priority or am I being selfish?
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>

recent topics