This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by April 6 months, 3 weeks ago.
January 22, 2018 at 11:27 am #680256
I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks now and I noticed this weekend that our communication dropped off. On our last date, he asked when he would be able to see me next week (our date was last Thursday), I said I had to check my schedule and get back to him.
Yesterday morning, I sent a text regarding my availability this week for a date. He responded to me in the evening that “What if all of those days are off my grid? My week is so ugly. I might even end up in a hotel for part of the week.” He is an auditor so this is his busy season. I responded with “I totally get it! I’m away next weekend, so why don’t we make plans for next week?” Silence.
Do I reach out in a few days, leave it, I’m really confused on what happened
January 22, 2018 at 11:39 am #680266
No, you gave him your availability and when that didn’t work you offered the following week.
The ball is in his court. If he is interested in seeing you again he will reach out.January 22, 2018 at 12:03 pm #680291
Could this be pulling away?January 22, 2018 at 12:17 pm #680294
He’s an auditor and it’s his busy season. You know this. Chill out. It’s not all about you.January 22, 2018 at 12:19 pm #680295
You’ve only been seeing him a few weeks so you can’t expect him to prioritize you the way he would an official GF. Back off and let him contact you. Do your own life. If it is a pullback there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. Too soon to be so attached and worried about what he’s doing.January 22, 2018 at 12:51 pm #680312
Thanks Shelley! I have been in really bad relationships prior and jump really quickly in to relationships in the past. This is the first time I have been discerning and purposely trying to take things slow that it doesnt come to a rapid boil if that makes sense.
I guess this is a good time to focus on me and not the negatives. I tend to be such a pessimist when it comes to relationships due to my past historyJanuary 22, 2018 at 5:00 pm #680371
You have only been dating him a few weeks there is nothing to pull away from. At this stage honestly if he doesn’t contact you he is done. I am sorry hun but this is common. It is a rough dating world and until you are official be ready for men to call it off at any time. You need to develop a thick skin.January 22, 2018 at 5:35 pm #680379
A few weeks? And you are talking about jumping into relationships? You don’t even know the guy.January 22, 2018 at 5:49 pm #680384
Agree with Khadija, AND
it’s way too soon/early to be putting so much thought into him and his actions.
Do your life exactly as you did before you met him.
He will return if he wants to. If he doesn’t, he’s just the wrong man for you.
All of your waiting and wondering is a turnoff that he can sense. If you lived a fabulous life before you met him…live it! If you didn’t…it’s time to find it!January 23, 2018 at 3:08 am #680436
It could just be that he doesn’t know yet what his next week looks like. My advice is to relax about it. I have a feeling he’ll contact you to discuss seeing each other again.January 23, 2018 at 9:50 am #680478
Thanks everyone! I have decided to take some yoga classes and focus on myself. All I can do is be my best self for meJanuary 25, 2018 at 2:01 pm #680861
Update: Gentleman texted back late Monday evening that next week should work (work permitting). And asking about my day.
I was asleep and work was crazy Tuesday so I responded around lunchtime asking how he was feeling (since he was sick), how his week was going and I hope the drive wasn’t too bad (it was snowing here).
Radio Silence. I have a date tonight with a new guy and we will see if I have time next week for the other guy. I totally get that you get busy but a quick text of acknowledgment is not that difficultJanuary 25, 2018 at 3:21 pm #680873
Not to be negative but if he s already driving you nuts with his lack of prompt response, it ll only get worse and the more invested you become. Think about that. Maybe his style of communication is not compatible with yours, and so it’s better not to think seriously about him, as much as it is hard when we think we like someone. Decide If bad communication is a deal breaker for you and then act accordingly. You need to know what you want and not adapt your standards around some guy who you like, but don’t know the real him yet. But the signs are there already. Don’t ignore them. He pulls back, you pull back. I wouldn’t be so quick to answer next time or at all. Nothing to lose here.January 25, 2018 at 3:30 pm #680874
Olivia, then focus on the date you have tonight.
Stop complaining about when a man gets back to you in the early stages of dating. He maybe dating others.
Keep in mind just as you couldn’t get back to him right away he may be juggling other things.
What’s more important is if he follows through with planning the date.
Until a guy has grown feelings for you don’t expect to be a priority in their life. I hate to say it that way but, its the truth.January 27, 2018 at 5:25 pm #681169
T from NY
I agree it’s healthy and important to dial back expectations in the early stages of dating, but I think it’s entirely appropriate to feel irritated and put off when a man reaches out via text — asks you a question, then falls off the grid. A-nnoying. Also shows low interest. I know it’s his busy time of year but I think if his interest were higher (either in you OR a relationship in general) he would be more communicative.
So the key here is to do just as everyone has advised — barely notice him until he’s able to give you more time, tend to you, and date others. Note his communication style with a sense of detachment and decide later on (if he keeps contacting you) if you can live with it or not. You’re doing just fine.January 27, 2018 at 5:42 pm #681172
Not everyone responds immediately! He knows oyu were planning a date a whole one week later, you yourself took half a day to reply to him, so he might take it as this is the “pace” you want for your communication.
Only time will tell if he is deliberately putting you on hold or simply not interested as much.
If you are always on the run, busy, driving, you need to eat, rest, do chores, you can text with your buddies one word here and there but with a woman it takes more effort, he needs to type longer sentences. Besides taking 1 day to reply is normal for many people. It is not normal for BF/GF but you are far from there.
Go on a new dte and enjoy. IN fact schedule several of them, and then you’d see how difficult it is to text with all of them promptly LOL. Expect that he is doing the same, so do not have any expectations whatsoever, it is easier said than done but this is really what you need to do, try to remind yourself about it, so date men, observe them and then PICK the guy who gives you the best communication “style”. LOLJanuary 27, 2018 at 9:03 pm #681191
We make time for what’s important and we text people, who are important to us back. You are not on his grid. It’s a pretty good test to find out if a man is interested, when you text them and when they text you back or call you back. If early sex is an issue for you and you become attached quickly, avoid having early sex. Dating gets frustrating very quickly if you are not having a good time. I would back off immediately if I felt any hesitancy from these guys, especially if you’re meeting them online. Chances that any of these two will be your husband is probably close to nil; it could take years for you to meet the one. Be patient and fill your life with other things because dating these days is a circus.January 27, 2018 at 9:37 pm #681198
You really need to chill out! I hear my BF’s ringtone and will say to myself “sorry babe, I hear you but I’m not able to get to you right now” because I seriously cannot get to him because I’m in the middle of something that’s more important than texting him back! I will even start texting him and be interrupted numerous times and I’ll find the darn text still in my phone an hour or os later that I thought I sent!
It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how I feel about him but everything to do with how BUSY I AM at work and thankfully he’s super cool and chill about it because he knows how “hectic” (his words) running my business can be and doesn’t take it personally.
TEXTING is the TOP TWO reasons dating and relationships fail today and yours is a classic case of why! Sadly, it appears the world has come to EXPECT everyone can text at the drop of the dime but not everyone can, myself included, and based on that alone I would be considered “a douche” because EVERYONE’S life should revolve around a friggen phone and if your not at everyone’s beck and call 24/7 you suck, are hiding something, losing interest…..list is long!
So yeah, he SUCKS because he doesn’t text when you want him to so go find a guy who will—good luck with that BTW.January 28, 2018 at 12:31 am #681203
i always purposefully wait to text a romantic interest back because i don’t want to seem like i don’t have a life!January 29, 2018 at 11:35 am #681448
Thanks everyone for the advice. I got this text on Friday
Sorry I’ve not been in touch, my week has been brutal and I’ve been doing some thinking. I’m sorry but I don’t think we should see each other anymore – I’m just not feeling it in that way. You are such a good person and I don’t really know what more to say but I don’t want to waste your time and wanted to be honest.
Well, that’s that.January 29, 2018 at 12:14 pm #681456
Sorry youre going through this, Olivia.
And it’s a good thing he is mature enough to get back to you and be honest that it’s not working for him. Id rather have someone be honest with me than just be gone without any word. Well, time to move on to another one.