To those who have ghosted or been ghosted after months?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals To those who have ghosted or been ghosted after months?

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  • #693614

    YogaMagsxo

    Ever [M/F] have ghosted or been ghosted past 8 months casual dating? Share stories!

    #693615

    Kyra

    I was ghosted after 7 months of serious dating. One day he just walked out and disappeared. I texted him and suggested to talk about what’s going on but he didn’t respond. 2 months later on my birthday he texted me a lengthy message wishing me and saying cutesy things pretending as though things were just the same. I told him not to reach out to me and he couldn’t understand why I was bitter about my experience with him… unfortunately, there are all sorts of people out there.

    #693621

    YogaMagsxo

    @Kyra that is awful! So sorry that happened to you. How did it start? Did he stop responding or still respond to texts? Was it sudden or a certain number of days that passed without seeing you?

    #693633

    anon

    ” I told him not to reach out to me and he couldn’t understand why I was bitter about my experience with him… ”

    Yeah, ghosts are the worst when they pop back up and can’t fathom why you might be a wee bit upset AND leery after they disappear out of nowhere. I’ve never had a longer term relationship ghost, but a few shorter ones. It’s a cowards way out.

    I did ask a guy why he did it, and he told me he was getting to close and falling in love and could not be in a relationship. I asked him why he couldn’t just tell me “Hey, this is to serious, I don’t want to be in a relationship”. He didn’t want to hurt me, so apparently disappearing was a nicer tactic. He was surprised that I worried about him for awhile and was upset.

    That’s what guys do these days with casual relationships. I actually had two guys “break up” with me and I felt compelled to thank both of them. The funny thing is I was relieved in both cases and both are still friends. There was a small amount of hurt on my end, but NOTHING compared to being ghosted.

    #693634

    Rags

    I had a boyfriend ghost after 14mths. He literally just stopped calling or responding to texts. I attempted contact once or twice but after 2 weeks I realised he’d blocked me from social media too so I stopped trying. I’ve never seen or heard from him since. I was confused and hurt at first but I picked myself up and moved on.

    #693635

    Kyra

    This happened a few years ago and in hindsight I am happy he is no longer in my life. But here is how it played out –

    A week or 2 prior to his ghosting he had a lot of mood swings so I could tell he was not himself. On the day just before he disappeared, we had a fun day doing various activities. Then we went home and made out after which we got ready to go for his best friend’s party. I was happy because it was one of our more fun days. At the party, everyone was playing games but he was acting a little strange and evensaying some really bizarre things about his friend’s wife to a point his friend reprimanded him. At around 1am, I was getting sleepy so he told me to sleep in one of the rooms which I did because he wanted to play more. I fell off asleep without eating much. He woke me up at 4am to go home. In the car I told him I was starving and I ordered food using my online delivery food account. He got MAD at me for ordering food that late and yelled at me because I didn’t eat at his friend’s place (ridiculous!). He angrily slept over and next morning he left saying he will message me. That was it. He didn’t respond to my text asking about his disappearance… ever.

    2 months later he reached out on my birthday acting all normal. I told him not to reach out. Then again he did 3 months later. I had moved on and told him to leave me alone. A year later he reached out again.

    Apparently, he was not over his ex with whom he called it off 1.5 years before he met me. He was miserable and confused and projected his insecurities on to me. Thank goodness he is out of my life.

    I’ve realized if a person ghosts you, it’s their inner issues acting up and has got nothing to do with us and it’s way better to not be with someone so impulsive and irrational. In a way now I thank him for showing me his true colors by ghosting me else I could have been stuck with an insecure person. A sincere, well meaning and mature man would not ghost.

    #693637

    Kyra

    @anon – I agree with you. Recently, a male friend of mine told me he didn’t know how to call it off with a woman he was dating briefly so he ghosted her. I told him it’s inappropriate but then he said he didn’t want to close the door by sending her a “break-up” message. How terrible is that?! Like you said by ghosting they feel they still have the option to pop right back per their convenience.

    Major lesson learned – if they ghost you, move on and never look back. Such people are really not worth it.

    #693641

    Ann

    Sorry to hijak the thread, but if someone ignored your last text that warranted a response and you wanted to stop seeing each other (have been seeing each other for several months casually), would you send a text saying you are no longer interested?

    #693642

    Ann

    Oh and sorry this happened! It’s so frustrating!

    #693643

    Paige

    Don’t make the same mistake that I did. I let the idiot back in after he ghosted, and he hasn’t stepped up once. Now that I met someone else however, I’m washing my hands of the ghost.

    #693646

    Khadija

    A few years ago I dated a guy for a couple of months.

    One day he literally pulled the rug from underneath me. He stopped responding to my calls and text messages.

    I remember that one last text message saying something along the lines of if I don’t hear from you by the end of today, I’ll consider this over. He never wrote or called back. Of course I was crushed but, I blocked him from all avenues that night and went to the road of healing.

    Looking for comfort I found this forum and reading the threads I realized it wasn’t just me that this happened to. Ironically there was a thread going on about going no contact.

    This dating fail actually turned everything around for me and I took a lesson from it.

    I look back on it and all the signs were there, that a ghosting was to occur. He had been not so responsive in the days before, distant when we did speak, and just uninterested in meeting up soon.

    I’ll say it was the best thing that happened to me. After that I was able to weed out flaky guys, time wasters, and whatever other losers out there. I told myself I wasn’t going to be a victim in dating again. I saw people for who they were and if I liked it I stuck around but, if I didn’t I was out the door.

    I say this all to let any man or woman going through a ghosting, that this will pass. When you find the right person you’ll be glad this person went poof.

    #693677

    Lex

    This guy ghosted me and it REALLY got to me. I was seeing this guy a few summers ago. Unbeknownst to him, I called him Neville Longbottom because he looked like Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter lol. After our first date he would call me every single night while he was out at the bars. Begging to see me and begging to meet up. I was def not getting up at 2am for some guy. One night I invited him over for an adult sleepover. It was interrupted because he had an emergency at home. I thought a family member had died, so I told him to take the call. His parents begged him to come home because their basement was flooding *eye roll* he ended up leaving. Didn’t hear from him for a week. Then he sent me a blank snapchat and then deletes from snapchat. I called him out for ghosting. And he goes yea….I’ve been talking to my ex lately and we decided to work things out. WTF?!

    1 year later….my friend and I are getting ready to go out. And I have this feeling, deep in my bones, deep in my soul that I would run into an ex, a guy I was seeing, or an adversary. We’re at this bar and I look over…and there’s Neville Longbottom. I jokingly came up to him and said oh hey didn’t we date!? And he blew me off. Minutes later he comes back groveling saying that I look good and that I got a new job. He then tells me to text him. I looked dead in his eyes and said, “Oh I don’t have your number, I deleted it because I don’t text guys who have girlfriends.” The look on his face was PRICELESS.

    Last night I had an earth shattering dream about him….he could possiblly resurface…

    #693678

    Lex

    **shoot I meant to say…he was proud that I got a new job^^^

    #693681

    Hannah

    I guess it depends what you call casual dating? I had a FWB I was seeing for about 6 months. We went on dates 1-2 times a week and were exclusive but he wasn’t a boyfriend. (I’m in the UK and we either have boyfriends or FWBs, so I guess this would be classed as casual dating in the US?)

    One day, I called him and he was cold and distant on the phone. I had no idea why. After that call, I never heard from him.

    About a year later, I found out that the FWB had heard a rumour I was sleeping with his friend. The friend asked me to contact him and explain that wasn’t what had happened, so I did and we started seeing each other again.

    The thing is, it was casual. I wasn’t in love with him and his ghosting didn’t really bother me. I wouldn’t have accepted a casual dating/FWB situation from a guy I was really into for 6 months. You’re just asking to be hurt if you let yourself get attached to people you’re just casual with.

    I also thought one of the benefits of casual was you can just walk away at any time without any kind of break-up. Obviously it’s courteous for the other person to say they want to stop and not just ignore you though!

    Obviously it’s totally different if it’s a boyfriend and you have a commitment.

    #693683

    Ola

    Sometimes ghosting is a necessity regardless of how people view it period!

    It’s funny that this thread just got created – LOL

    I just ghosted a guy I’ve been seeing for 1.5 years, and I do not feel one ounce of guilt. Matter of fact I am proud of myself for taking this route.

    There isn’t anything at this juncture I could say to him that’ll get him to see how poorly he’s treated me. The thing is – the more good I treated him the worst he treated me. I am hoping he’ll use this time to reflect on his poor crass behavior and how it had made me feel all along – of which he dismisses when I bring them up to him – or he’ll make me feel off when I mention it to him.

    Yes I miss him, but I do not envision going back to him or ever subjecting myself to that humiliation of being with a man who treated me with a backhand even though he enjoyed every bit of my grace, care, love and tenderness.

    Ghosting is a major disrespect to him of which I am well aware and stand by it – decency be damned!

    He never invested time to get to know me nor take interest in knowing things that are dear to me which really hurt me badly.

    So stating that ghosting is cowardly – I respectfully disagree. Sometimes the best avenue to get people to actually acknowledge errors of their ways is by employing a bit of crudeness – we can’t all be saints all the time – of which relieves crass people of their horrible ways.

    He texted and called me and I ignored him on both – I’ve never failed to pick up his calls before nor respond to his texts. I’m sure he’s still waiting to hear from me as this never happened before – ain’t gonna happen. This has been a long way coming – this action just didn’t happen, it’s been building up. My feeling is just blank right now.

    I am done and happy to ghost – let him wonder till eternity.

    #693688

    ana

    in that case, Ola, you’re no better than him. and regardless of how poorly you think he treated you, your words show that it’s you who’s the abuser. basic respect is something that everyone deserves. blaming what you did on him is nothing more but a justification, an excuse for a horrible thing that you did. the only case that justifies ghosting is when you deal with an abuser, a stalker when you’re literally in danger and have to protect yourself (and not, like in your case it sounds, when someone was just not that into you). funny thing, regardless of how light you are trying to sound, you can hear bitterness in between the lines. if depriving yourself of closure will leave you with that bitterness for a while, then I’m not sure if it was such a great deal.

    #693698

    Ola

    @ ana

    Please miss me with your righteous indignation.

    I know someone like you will flew out of the air and start waving nonsense moral indignation and making assumptions. Saying he was not into me is assumption on your part of which you’re wrong.

    People (Women) are so quick to throw the statement because a man displays bad behavior means “he’s not that into you” phrase – and that’s not true most of the time. Some people lack social composure to a point that they lack that element of reciprocity when it comes to relationships or basic human interaction possibly because no one thought them or they’re too selfish to give of themselves.

    So no I am not bitter – matter of fact I feel relieved. Any other way would’ve been enabling him to do it to another woman be it casual or in a committed relationship.

    Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to people to get them to see errors of their ways.

    Sorry my story does not have the usual phoo phoo feel good element to it – yup I ghosted, he had many warnings but failed to heed to them – I chose to not rent him a space in my emotional and mental well-being any longer at this juncture.

    There are various reasons why people choose to ghost based on their circumstances and the particular journey they were in. It’s the same thing that happens when one partner out of nowhere files a divorce and the other person acts surprised – but those actions just does not get taken out of a whim. It takes a while to get to such extreme measure.

    #693701

    Algo

    If someone treats you badly, you can still say ‘we’ re done’ then block them from all sm. Unless you need to go t a safe house, I don’t see how ghosting is ever needed.

    I’m not judging, I just don’t see how just texting ‘it’s over’ then cut all the ties would make such a difference? It’s a small thing to do.

    #693702

    emcee

    “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to people to get them to see errors of their ways.”

    “He never invested time to get to know me nor take interest in knowing things that are dear to me which really hurt me badly.”

    @ola
    I got your point, but do you think he was able to see his mistakes if you didn’t point it out to him?

    #693703

    Hannah

    I had a nightmare ex and simply texted him “don’t ever contact me again”, then totally ignored him. Even when I saw him in person.

    Ola, you’re ending it for you, not him. He’s unlikely to see the error of his ways if you ghost or if you don’t. Especially as he never invested time in you in the first place. To me, that definitely says he wasn’t that into you I’m afraid.

    But ghosting keeps someone as an option. Instead of ending it, you’re leaving things open for him to beg you to come back. It sounds like that may be what you’re hoping for deep down.

    If you’re done, tell him you’re done. It will help you move on because he’ll leave you alone. At the moment you’re numb, then you’re likely to feel pain when the anger dies down. Cut him off now permanently. Don’t give yourself the option of changing your mind.

    #693748

    Kyra

    I had an ex with Narcissistic Personality Disorder who treated me terribly and always blamed me for everything. It drove me crazy and one day I left to never come back. I was planning to ghost him because he is one of those people you just can’t reason with but I didn’t ghost. 2 days later I texted him saying I was done and mentioned how poorly he had treated me. I agree, it’s possible men such as this one will never know what their mistake is if we don’t call them out and even if do, most likely it won’t affect them. On the other hand, if we ghost, they most likely will come up with all possible reasons for how crazy we are to disappear rather than realizing how they were wrong. Either way, it’s not a win-win situation. I am not saying texting him his mistakes brought about any changes in my ex or if it did, I don’t know but at least I got my closure and felt good that I let him know how I truly felt. To me, my closure is most important and I didn’t want to leave any door open.

    #693755

    kenzie

    I dated a guy that I knew from high school on and off through college. We broke up my senior year and went separate ways. Then, we rekindled and began dating seriously in my late twenties with talks of me moving to be closer to him. One Friday, we had plans to get dinner and a movie. I texted to ask what time he would be ready for dinner and I never heard back. I was worried, until I saw on social media that he was out with friends. The whole weekend went by and I never heard from him. 8 months later he texted that he was thinking of me and that he never meant for us to stop talking. I shared my feelings and he had complete disregard and lack of understanding for why I would have been upset. He said “he just didn’t’ want to be in a relationship anymore”. He could not seem to understand that what upset me most was his ghosting. I deserved a conversation and proper breakup. To this day, he will occasionally text. I ignore

    #693767

    anon

    I don’t think ghosting an abusive person is wrong. It’s probably a good idea in some cases.
    But just leaving that nice person you dated but didn’t “feel that way about” with nary a clue is not OK.

    My “mistake” with the guy who I ended up speaking to 6 months after ghosting was “making him want to fall in love”. My mistakes with other guys were who knows what. I go back and I read last texts and they were positive and friendly.

    Mostly, it’s just a basic courtesy- because I did have 2 guys stop texting out of the blue once. One had died. He died. The other was in a near fatal car wreck. He did text after 4 months. So a nice heads up that explains why you won’t be returning texts “we are over” is a simple courtesy to ease people’s minds.

    #693770

    Kathy

    I agree with ola that some men are too selfish to give of themselves.. Not just with you, but anyone!

    I can’t say that a man just isn’t into you if he doesn’t invest of himself.. Some are self centered and don’t invest that much in anyone..

    Some times it’s not personal.. They’re just selfish SOB’s..

    #693880

    Ola

    Nope! there’s nowhere in my being to draw any kind of emotion to extend any form of courtesy/communication to him that I am not interested anymore. I have wrestled with the idea since and just don’t feel he’s deserving of it. If I go against what my spirit is telling me, I will end up feeling low for doing it.

    At this juncture I careless of how he feels – he doesn’t deserve the decency of a closure.

    I’m hoping a lot of women will take this route when these bastard men treats them with such reckless abandon – it’s all about them – they’re allowed to be the judge jury and executioner in a relationship while women tippy toe around them.

    I don’t feel bitter, my posts might sound angry – but I’m nowhere angry, and I am not leaving any door for him to come back into my life. Nope, matter of fact I feel empowered.

    You know a person to know them – and you approach them accordingly.

    I think he’s gotten away with treating women with such nonchalant dismissive disposition while also benefiting from their grace.

    Hope some other woman will be a beneficiary of my action LOL. Just like Carrie Underwood song “might have saved the headache for the next girl..”

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