Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Thoughts on his behaviour?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Lorna
I met this Hungarian guy through Tinder who is studying a semester in my country. Since we met up, things have gone pretty steady, I reckon. He iniates contact, holds my hand all the damn time, kisses me, hugs me (from behind) we have intimate moments and he proposes to meet me as well. He also joined me to hang out with my friends and even held hands in there. He also regularly is willing to phone with me and doesn’t seem to cut it short. We had phone calls from one hour and on and sometimes seems to go the extra mile. We’ve also talked about our ‘love-past’ and he often starts to ask about it (and also about Hungarian guys!) we had unconfirmed plans for this weekend, as he was sick but stated in the case of him feeling better he’d come. Later, I invited him for a poetry performance I randomly signed up for. He said whether I wanted him here and I said: Of course, moral support! He stated that he would go and make me nervous on purpose as he thought it’d be funny, so I thought. well that’s teasy, guess he likes me?
Later on, we had a bit of a heated ‘erotic’ conversation – but more lighthearted and fun than intense. Eventually, he didn’t respond. I did texted him after and he replied to my text with ‘Haha have fun’ (I was going out) I said ”How r u feeling? He said. Much better. Tomorrow going to Belgium, to which I replied. Oh! Good for you. You think you’re gonna be back in town for my performance? :)
He said: I’m gonna be back on friday, I think :D. I read it and I did not reply. A bit later he said: ”Hey, I’m gonna sleep. Have to wake up early. Discuss the details about saturday later. X to which I said ”Yes sure! Enjoy belgium. I’m having a blast as always, love life. Cheers X
He asked me if I was drunk already and I said haha, I’m always having a blast drunk or sober! And a small voice-memo. He saw it but didn’t reply which is fine by me as he stated he needed to sleep. Also, I left him alone through text as he is on a trip but all seems so arbitrary to me. I mean, a guy that likes you (knows you have a performance) stated to come and now suddenly goes to Belgium with no promise whether he’d be back on time, doesn’t really seem like an interested guy right? Maybe my own perspective is getting in the way, am I thinking too much of this? I thought we were on, since the week before (just the day AFTER i saw him) he already said ”We can do something next weekend together!”.. and that was without me asking. God, I hate this as I thought we were compatible on both superficial as deepers levels. Thanks.Ewa
you’re not his gf, so not sure why are you expecting him to come to your performance?
it might not even be his thing so he is simply not interested in showing up.why do you want him there anyway? you are treating him as your bf but he is not so you need to change your behaviour.
Sylke
I ‘invited’ him (not truly asking whether he’d come, more said I was performing) as I know he is a writer himself as well, meaning he’d be interested as we occasionally swap out our writings. Since he said he was gonna be there, of course I ‘expect’ him to come, but only since he said he would. That goes without saying if he didn’t propose to come himself/proposed a meeting/wasn’t interested in poetry performances, I wouldn’t have that.
Khadija
I think you need to scale back on all this texting and not over think it.
You two just met and this was not set in stone that he would attend.
Keep in mind this guy is only studying there for a semester and is probably only looking for a good time, especially since you connected on Tinder.
Lorna
Hi, yes I thought of that as well. I guess situations like these arise because of no communication, but I think even starting a conversation within that context only implies that you are already wanting something from someone, why’d you even start up a conversation if it isn’t for your own interest (in that person, or..) and since I don’t know him that well, I feel it’s weird to do so, although it would be beneficial one way or another.
But you’re right, I guess he is. I just don’t really like the idea of him holding hands if it means anything just now, but nothing later.
Liz Lemon
Guys live in the moment. He’s holding hands and flirting with you now because it’s fun. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s thinking of anything serious with you.
Maybe some friends invited him to Belgium for a weekend trip and he didn’t think twice about going. He never promised he’d go to your performance and I doubt he’s giving it nearly as much significance as you are.
How long have you known him?
I agree with what’s already been said, that A) he’s not your boyfriend, so don’t expect him to act like one; and B) he’s only in your country for a semester, so I honestly doubt he’s thinking of getting into anything serious. He sounds like a young guy who’s just having some fun while studying abroad, honestly. (I studied abroad too when I was at university and I understand his mindset, I definitely fooled around but did not look for anything serious). If it bothers you that he’s doing all this stuff and it might not “mean anything” to him, then you should pull way back and put some distance, because I think there’s a good chance it doesn’t mean the same thing to him as it does to you.
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