Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Things went to quick and now I’m not sure what to do?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Lane.
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Amanda
We’ve been seeing each other for about a month and he’s kinda forced things to go a bit fast? I’m the sort of person who tries to go a long with things etc. But here’s the kicker and I think it’s a massive red flag but then again people are all different… but after about two weeks he said he loved me? Now the first time he mentioned it, I didn’t respond as I didn’t hear properly but then he said it again not long after and somewhat pressured me into a reply…
I feel kinda cornered and not sure how to say I either want to slow things down or maybe even call it quits. I’m not relatively well versed in this sort of thing. Would you give him more of a chance or just think ‘nope this is a bit too much too soon’
Sylvia
I’m in the same boat but after about week 4 or 5! My “bf” is probably a bit on the autistic side (like.. slightly) or just not socially intelligent but I totally get you, I even posted it. He assumes we’re together and that’s it. Honestly I’m curious about other’s replies. I’d just wait a bit if necessary become less available but observe if something might come out it. I’m with mine because.. I was so tired of being single and he was nice.
Alice
I have a similar situation.
I dated this guy for about a month one time and I was in the middle of moving places. We hadn’t got to the stage of seeing each others places yet and I like to keep it that way until I know a guy is going to stick around. I just find it odd I’d show him where I live if he’s just a casual fling and nothing is exclusive.
Anyway, I had mentioned I was moving and the weekend of my move he blew up my phone asking me if I needed him to run any errands for me or come to my new place to help install things. I was so busy moving I didn’t have time to respond. The next day he blew my phone up again and said “wow I really miss you, you should have just moved in with me”.
I got REALLY uncomfortable because that’s not something you just joke about or say and I knew he meant what he said. It was too much too fast and when I had agreed to go out to dinner with him a few days later, he started talking about our future kids!?!?!
Needless to say I stopped dating him. I never want to be involved with a guy who doesn’t allow the proper time to pass before having discussions like that. IT’s a red flag!
Amanda
I think you’re right – There’s not been enough time passed before dropping such big words like he did when he said ‘love’ thinking about what you’ve said, he has also mentioned moving in too… I think I need to call it quits, or at least fully confront him on the matter. His reaction would tell me all I need to know!
T from NY
All of you need to know that healthy men do not exhibit the kinds of behaviors you are describing. A man who is mature, mentally healthy, smart, reliable and of quality, someone who is long term partner material – will not rush in to commitment and ‘I love yous’ when he hardly knows a woman. There are many stories on this site about love bombing, and situations burning out like comets when they begin this way. Also, these kinds of things are hallmark precursors for controlling men or stalkers. If a man told me he loved me, or talked about having my kids right away – I would end it. Rushing commitment or association are now deal-breakers for me. Maybe there might be exceptions for some very sane, overly enthusiastic men, but I wouldn’t bank on it.
Lane
There is nothing wrong with a man expressing his feelings if he’s feeling them! It really comes down to yours, whereas if you’re not there yet its OK, just tell him “I’m not there yet and need some more time.” I did this with my husband, took me over 5 months to say them back and he initially said “you don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it” haha. He said he loved me within a couple weeks, and kept saying it even if I didn’t, so it really is a case-by-case bases, not a one size fits all sorta thing.
Most couples don’t arrive at the same destination at the same time, and even when they do it fluctuates, as feelings aren’t static (straight line) but up and down, left and right (twirls). Some of us need more time, some don’t, like they say “too each their own.” Its your job to slow it down, be honest with him, and that you need more time to feel them as that’s how you build communication and trust.
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