This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sarah 4 months, 3 weeks ago.
June 17, 2019 at 11:17 am #753936
We broke up after half a year together. He said his feelings had changed and I could also see we weren’t compatible long term. We agreed to remain friends though, and that is what we’ve done for the past month. We have been out as friends, which felt odd, and kept in text contact.
The other day our texts got a bit sexual. Nothing major and more talking about how good the sex was and a bit flirty I guess. I was quite surprised as he had said he’s remained friends with ex’s before, so I assumed he didn’t get into such conversations. That said we are newly broken up I guess.
Anyway, I haven’t heard from him since. Any ideas why? There was no suggestion of hooking up or getting back together or any such thing, more a bit of flirty nostalgia if anything. So why has he gone quiet? I know I could text him, but we were taking it in turns to initiate and therefore I’d rather not. If it’s going to turn into a friendship it has to be on equal footing or it isn’t worth pursuing if he’s just answering my texts and not being active, and I wouldn’t therefore bother. I’m curious as to why a man would then go quiet after getting in a groove of regular texts then after this one off to act like thisJune 17, 2019 at 11:23 am #753938
Maybe because it got flirty and weird and he wants to give it some space?
How often are you texting? Why should you take it in turns if you’re really just friends? I text my friends whenever I fancy, never mind taking turns.June 17, 2019 at 11:26 am #753939
Being friends with an ex doesn’t mean regular contact and it also doesn’t mean SEXUAL text messages!! And why on earth would you assume when he said he was friends with prior exes that he never got into sexual conversations with them?!? Isn’t that what guys do when they’re lonely and bored? Scroll through their phone hitting up old “friends”?
It’s only been a month, you haven’t even given this time to turn into a friendship with equal footing. Just sit back, give yourself a little distance to get over the feelings and see if he steps up to be a friend. Personally I think you need some time with NO communication to get over your feelings before you can ever pursue a friendship or things can easily turn into FWB!!June 17, 2019 at 11:28 am #753943
Kaye that’s a really good point actually, as is the turn taking. The only reason I’m currently doing that is to gauge if he’s being polite or actually wanting a friendship- nothing more because yes of course friendship doesn’t have such measuresJune 17, 2019 at 12:55 pm #753973
He said he lost his feelings for you! Why would you want to stay friends? I think he wanted to get his rocks off by having no strings sexting with you. I think you are hoping this means more. It’s as simple as that. You can’t stay friends with a man you still have feelings for and the taking turns texting sounds positively juvenile, it’s either a break up or not. You even said it felt weird to go out as friends and that’s because you still want to be with him and most women who stay in touch like this do so because they secretly wish the man will eventually change his mind. At least be honest with yourself about why you agreed to such terms.June 17, 2019 at 12:57 pm #753974
How are you going to feel once he gets a new girlfriend?June 17, 2019 at 1:03 pm #753977
In this case being friends was offered as a consolation prize and a way to cushion the blow.
You are ore interested in the friendship because you still have feelings for him and want him around.
Those texts were a way to test the waters and see if you be interested in an FWB thing.
I would pull the plug on all of this because exes rarely become friends.June 17, 2019 at 2:28 pm #753995
I actually want to to be friends if possible, but don’t want him to feel obliged. Plus we agreed to break up mutually as it goes, so I’m not holding out hope of reconciliation but don’t want to lose him from my life.June 17, 2019 at 4:09 pm #754015
I ask again. How are you, as a friend, going to feel when he starts talking with you about women he is dating? Or a new girlfriend. You need him that badly in your life?June 17, 2019 at 4:10 pm #754016
If you don’t want him to feel obliged, then back off and treat him like you would any other platonic friend.June 17, 2019 at 4:39 pm #754021
He’s off sexting with the new women he is meeting?June 17, 2019 at 6:34 pm #754039
yes, he doesnt sext you because he sext someone else.
You agree on friendship so you should be ok with thatJune 18, 2019 at 6:47 am #754062
Why would a guy waste time being a friend without benefits to an ex? He’s moved on.June 18, 2019 at 7:23 am #754066
so many good points on this one, he was just testing the waters if you agree to sleep with himJune 18, 2019 at 1:08 pm #754123
Maybe. However the sexual content wasn’t really in line with sexting as I would expect, and he continues to chat to me still with nothing sexual at all now. So let’s see how this goes. He has been friends with ex’s in the past and so have I so this isn’t new to either of us. We will go out again soon and I’ll see how that feels.June 18, 2019 at 1:27 pm #754132
I honestly don’t know why you even force the issue. It’s already too hard and you are here asking questions. You aren’t acting like just a friend. You are nervous going out and reading into how often to text, what is said. Just like he’s a date or bf. This just prevent s you from spending time meeting someone new, you are still too focused on the ex.June 18, 2019 at 1:31 pm #754135
I think you are forcing this friendship and want to keep him in your life because you aren’t over the break up.
Back off completely and just focusing on getting over this. If a friendship is to happen, perhaps later down the line.June 18, 2019 at 2:04 pm #754139
OMG you are right there, I am too focussed on what’s happening and why actually.
Khadija yes. I will back off and see if friendship progresses more naturally. I am chatting to others and lining up a date too.