Terrified I’ll end up alone


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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Louise 5 days, 3 hours ago.

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  • #750101 Reply

    Sarah

    Hi everyone,
    So I’ve been single since late March. Still not ready to date yet but I’ll get there eventually. But I’m turning 27 in 2 weeks and I thought at this point in my life I’d at least be engaged or in a relationship that was serious and I have neither of those things right now. No one has put pressure on me to get married or have kids but I feel it myself. I know I’m a good catch but I’ve only really been dating for about 3 years. I just get worried I’ll never find someone because one day I do want kids and a husband. Unfortunately for us ladies we aren’t like men in that they have the ability to have kids till the day they die, so I’m also worried about future fertility issues. Any advice would be great.

    #750102 Reply

    Raven

    Sperm Bank?

    #750109 Reply

    LazyCat

    Hi Sarah. Nobody cares about your life except (maybe) your parents. It is not easy to give you a “good advice”. Life is complicated. Use Google and find “Risks of Pregnancy Over Age 30”. You don’t have much time. But if you are 27, you should have enough knowledge to take care about your own future, right? So don’t be passive, do something. Good luck :-)

    #750125 Reply

    Warasen

    Sarah

    You’re only 27, you have many years of dating left. I’m in the mid Atlantic area and my kids won’t have my blessing to get married until they’re ready with their career. Emotional readiness is hard to quantify because a lot of people don’t realize they aren’t ready. However career is easier because we know their salary and how they are progressing in what they learn.

    I have a friend, this is rare, she had twins at 45. She was building her career, became the CFO of a prominent company. She can afford full time nannies and fertility treatments. It’s possible but not everyone is going to be capable of what she did. It does show you have a lot of time though.

    #750139 Reply

    Lane

    Dr. Helen Fisher who has done tons of research on both male and females wrote a book “why We Love” and it breaks down a lot of misconceptions you have on how men fall in love as its the OPPOSITE of the way woman fall in love! Your qualities are meaningless to men, they may be to a woman but men don’t fall in love with a woman’s qualities; what you believe you have to offer a man is like a salesman offering to sell you a car that they may not be interested in buying. A woman’s qualities is like the CHERRY on top of the sundae but not close to being the sundae, so I would remove the belief you have something to ‘offer a man’ and instead look at what a man has to offer you and if he doesn’t possess it then don’t buy it!

    What I do know is that a man who is in love will fight for the relationship…a man who is not won’t. Maintaining it is the hardest part and I find getting too comfortable to the point you no longer try to keep the passion, romance and interest going and start ‘going through the motions’ where the two of you just getting through it the day-by-day-by is the beginning of the downhill slope. What I’m saying is you can find a man to fall in love with you, that’s the easy part, its maintaining that love for you is the hardest part especially when the kiddo’s come along and your too tired, exhausted, overworked and drained to the point you stop caring then does the same and you both ‘check out’ to the point you become roommates v. romantic lovers. Take it from someone who’s been there and done that.

    #750143 Reply

    TallTexanGirl

    Relax. You’re hardly in danger of being an old maid at age 27.

    Look up the statistics, the average age of marriage is now almost 30 in most US states and the average age for having a baby is 30-35.

    We’re living a lot longer now and a lot healthier, so I wouldn’t panic about having a first child after 30.

    If you’re husband and father hunting out of fear, you’re going to make bad choices – winding up divorced and a single mom isn’t where you want to be either.

    #750153 Reply

    anon

    There are two kinds of relationships out there getting married and making babies:

    1. This is the one Lane is talking about- LOVE, which is really, really rare to find that super convenient love at the right time, ready to make babies and go.

    2. Love that is pretty much mainly compatibility. You meet a guy, he wants babies, you are a match on a couple of levels- hobbies, maybe religion, financially. Timing is right. But there is always nagging in the back of your brain that “the one” is out there, but you settle, because it’s easy.

    #2 is pretty common, and it goes one of two ways- you end up in love over time, challenges pull you closer. This was the love my parents had. You learn to love each other. The other way it goes is that challenges pull you apart and you don’t care enough to hold it together because either you remember someone you really LOVED or you are disatisfied and know its out there.

    I see women settle all the time for the sake of making babies. They lower their standards for the man that pursues them. It either lasts or it doesn’t, but either way, they get their babies.

    #750168 Reply

    Maria

    Im in the same boat. Also turning 27 soon, and been single for 7 years…

    #750178 Reply

    Louise

    You have lots of time yet at 27! If you settle for someone now for the sake of children you could be with them for 60 years – that’s a lot of life to live.

    I had my first child at 33 after being with the man for 9 years (we married after 7), and now I’m a divorced 39 year old single mum wondering if I’ve got time to meet someone and settle down enough for another child. It’s important to really, really know someone and all their values and approach to child rearing before you go there.

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