This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Hannah 6 months ago.
March 13, 2018 at 12:47 am #692779
I broke my own heart a few years ago getting involved with a crush, who was fresh out of marriage. It was stupid and it was around the time I discovered this forum with all it’s wisdom, but maybe a week too late; obviously I should have walked away then and there, but I went with it and we had a sort of a relationship. He was hot and cold and it was pretty clear he was dating others, but denying it. It all came to a halt within a couple months and my feelings got all beat up in this process. He surfaced a few more times over the years and I went through all kinds of NC procedures to never talk to him again, it’s been a year since we’ve seen each other in person. Tonight I received an apology from him and it seemed sincere. It brought up so many emotions, I was bawling my eyes out for a good 15 minutes. My ego is all kinds of coy at the moment, but knowing the man, he wont stop here. I feel myself softening and my brain is playing out fantasy scenarios of how we are going to end up together (we will not, and he will only break my heart). I hate my brain right now. Thanks for listening.March 13, 2018 at 1:22 am #692782
Alia.. Please stay strong.. He is looking for an opening. Please don’t give him one. It would set you back far..
He is contacting you probably to relieve his guilt. I wouldn’t answer him.
He may just want to play with you again.,. Unless he had contacted me saying I was the ONE(And I still wouldn’t believe him).March 13, 2018 at 1:57 am #692784
Delete the message & continue moving forward…March 13, 2018 at 7:54 am #692798
What did he apologize for? Did he say he wanted to see you? Is there a chance that he has recovered from his divorce and is ready to date?March 13, 2018 at 10:52 am #692802
I know this sounds weird, but this exactly why im not a big fan of the going no contact. Unless the guy is a total douchebag. I prefer to keep crushes or exes in my life but on a backbunner so i can see them for who they are and the feelings will slowly fade away. It helps me to not build up what if fantasies. But i know this is not for everybody.
I would answer him shorty thanking him and maybe ask what brought him to reach out now. I wish you well and im sure you have learned a lot past few years when it comes to how to handle itMarch 13, 2018 at 6:47 pm #692898
Thank you ladies for answering. He apologized specifically for standing me up and also abandoning a project we were working on, which was a rather inexcusable thing. The client was our mutual friend. He said he owed me a mountain of apologies. I doubt he thinks I’m the one and at this point I’m very wary of any relationship with him. It’s been a few years and the pain is no longer as fresh nor are my feelings. I feel like I’m ok never exploring them ever.
The reason he reached out this time is because he bought a property and needs me to work on it. Surely there are plenty people he could hire besides me.
Newbie I agree with the NC and that it may have contributed to my idealizing him. Whenever I broke my NC and either looked at his twitter or something it always reminded me of why it didn’t work out. He would complain about different services like Uber and shoes he bought that broke, just super petty stuff. Nothing sexier than I guy whining to the world for being overcharged for his uber ride by $1.99. And I would be like: “Ugh!”.March 13, 2018 at 7:14 pm #692909
It sounds like he is trying to reel you in again. My ex did this to me a year ago. He apologized for ghosting me and admitted that he had a problem with sex. Despite my disdain for him, to this day, I appreciate him admitting he had a problem. I took his apology as him wanting to mend things. Later, I found out he was still the jerk I met many months ago. And I was able to stand up for myself in certain situations with him. I think bc I was so nice to him he knew I would let him in.
I get this feeling that guys know what buttons push on the gate to our hearts so that we can easily let them in. Which is why we have to be strong. It has taken me years to get this point and I still struggle. I’m a genuine person and I see the good in people, you know? If I were you, I would be cordial and maybe suggest someone else work on his property. I wouldn’t mention that your past history might bring up emotions. But maybe say, “I won’t be able to help out with this property due to other obligations, I can recommend a few other people that would be great for the job.”
I hope I made sense!March 13, 2018 at 7:25 pm #692912
I’m sure over the years you have seen how these scenarios play out.
Stay strong and don’t get sucked back in.
While its nice to have an apology remember this guy sorely disappointed you.March 15, 2018 at 6:33 pm #693176
Thank you guys, a texting thread has ensued with the guy, where he says even though we want different things, he still cares about me and my feelings are important to him, and he wants to listen to me. Ugh, I need to stop responding.March 15, 2018 at 7:17 pm #693179
This is exactly why ladies need to learn how to be their own best friend and fight for themselves.
This guy is so full of BS it’s beyond obvious. He came back to ONCE AGAIN try GET SOMETHING FROM YOU.
This is exactly why you delete and block turd-munchers like this one. They come back for an ego boost, and to see how much more of your dignity they can take, along with whatever else it is they want you to do for them.
Never feel guilty or second guess removing people like this for good. This guy should have been blocked so hard his family felt it.
Please do that now. This will offer you nothing but headaches, stress and toxic nonsense.
He’s not sorry. Not one iota.March 15, 2018 at 7:52 pm #693181
Thank you, UGH, I needed to hear that.March 18, 2018 at 3:53 pm #693528
Just FYI I told him I will not be able to help him on his project, nor will I be able to further interact with him. Every time I get a text from him, the feeling of doom takes over me literally and I feel like I need to get air. There is no way I will be to work under these conditions. Thank you to all, who listened. Leopards don’t change their spots, exes are exes for a reason, if I want to live and grow I have to be rid of this person, or he will drag me down to the darkness I took so long to get out of.March 18, 2018 at 8:55 pm #693550
Well done Alia! You’ve definitely done the right thing. Keep listening to that gut that’s feeling doom when you hear from him. Your gut knows he’s trouble!