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- This topic has 20 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
Emma.
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Emma
This guy I’m dating invited me to go on a trip to a luxury resort with him. I was very excited originally. After I booked my flight and told him my itinerary, he changed his tickets so that he arrives a day before me and leave a day after me. When I asked about his exact arrival and departure time he was iffy and tried to avoid telling me the exact times, but later he did. This made me so uncomfortable because I don’t really understand why he would do that. I asked him about it and he said he had some work meeting to do and needs to arrive early, but then started getting nervous and told me a bunch of different times about those work meeting (sounded like he was making it up on the spot as he then said he had two meetings instead of one, which is what he said originally and I felt that he was lying). I’m so confused. Then I offered to change my flights to arrive and leave together with him and he started getting all weird, voice kind of changed and started convincing me not to do that, although later he said that should be okay. Needless to say I am very confused and don’t really know what to do, or how to approach the situation. Advice?
Emma
Also, the same guy told me about six ago that his father passed away. I offered him my sincere condolences, etc. AND THEN… this week he calls me up and said his father passed away a couple of days ago!!! I was shocked. I offered him my condolences again, and didn’t say anything about the fact that he said the same thing a while ago. What should I think?
Emma
Sorry for the typo! The first time he said his father passed away was six weeks ago…
Lane
How long have you been dating? How did you meet? How often do you see each other?
I ask these questions because if you haven’t really taken the time to get know him well, you would have a better reference point to judge his true character. If you haven’t been dating long, then its a sign that his mask is starting to slip, as anyone can be on ‘good behavior’ for a short bit (few months) but if you’ve been together for awhile (over six months), and there’s something amiss, I sure as heck wouldn’t be pussy footing around it, nor accommodating him but telling him flat out that I don’t feel comfortable with his wishy washy behavior, and will not be going.
What I do know is that if a guy starts making you feeling ‘uneasy’ and your gut instinct is telling you somethings off or not right, you don’t ignore that warning sign. At this point I would personally tell him “I’m feeling very uneasy about this trip now, based on the flight changes, and wish-washy answers you’ve keep giving me, I’ve decided its best that I don’t go.” If he’s perfectly OK with you not going, then you dodged a bullet, and best to walk away before he does.
I remember holding out on booking my flight almost to the very end for the first time with my current partner as I needed to feel very sure about him first. If I started to feel anything was ‘off’ I would have immediately pulled the plug, and not gone. I didn’t get any of what you’re experiencing, and it turned out to be an awesome trip. I do know that I wouldn’t have gone if I was receiving ANY mixed messages, or wishy-washy behavior.
Emma
Lane,
We met through work and have been texting/calling for about 2.5 months and met in person 6 times for all-day-long dates, including a couple of overnight stays. He seems charming, but I noticed when we’re out he is extremely keen on checking women out and making eye contact with them, even when I’m there. Another thing that made me uncomfortable, but I thought I’d give it some time before saying anything about that.
Raven
Who paid for Your tickets?
Emma
I paid for my tickets
Maddie
I wouldn’t go with him. If a guy is giving you bad vibes after just 2-3 months and a handful of dates, listen to your gut. If you can’t get a refund on the tickets, do you have another friend who would be interested in joining you? Traveling with someone you can’t trust puts you in a really vulnerable position.
Steph
Always, ALWAYS trust your gut. If something tells you deep down you’re uneasy that’s your primitive mind telling you that for a good reason. Dump him and move on.
Erin
I really don’t find anything wrong with him arriving first and leaving last. Some people just want moments with themselves first before sharing their space with someone and want to recollect themselves after being in the same space for a time with someone else.
As for his father, I think you should gently remind him that his father can’t die a second time and hear what he has to say.
Men do check out other women all the time just like we women do on other men, only subtly, but when they go out of their way to eye sex someone in your presence, that is disrespectful, immature and playing games. You really don’t want a guy like that.
I think that you should straighten some things out with him before going for the holiday, no point in having a Baecation when there is unresolved tension.
T from NY
This situation and this dude sound super shady. You don’t know him if it’s only been a couple of months. I think it is unwise to put yourself in such a situation.
Raven
Personally speaking, I would have never paid for such tickets…
Sophia
Let me get this straight:
This guy invited you on a luxury resort vacation,
– but YOU paid for your tickets…This guy invited you on a luxury resort vacation,
– but changed his itinerary to NOT travel with you…You think he MAY be lying about having a work meeting/two work meetings…
You KNOW he is lying about his father dying… again…
So, what is it you’re confused about? He’s running some kind of scan. RUN away from this man!!
Lane
DO NOT GO!!! How many RED FLAGS, or WARNING SIGNS do you need, to show this man is compulsive liar????? Bet he won’t show up!
Kathy
Jeez… So many sketchy men out there! It seems the really good ones are 1 in 10. Maybe that’s just what’s left!
Ewa
all the good ones are already taken :)
Emma
UPDATE: Hahaha. Now that (just for kicks) I said I will change my flight so I arrive at the same time with him, he changed his tune and said that both of his meetings have been canceled. Jeez!!! What a liar?!
Now, everyone, how do I tell him off, but in a NICE, classy way so that he remembers it forever?
Raven
Guys like this aren’t worth your time ruminating… The best thing is to ignore & block him.
Erin
Hahaha what a clown, drop his ass, cancel the trip and get a refund or spoil yourself to a solo trip! Who needs a clown killing their vibe by hanging onto your coat tails.
Newbie
Emma, if you just ignore the dude thats the best signal to him. Book something else where he is not. I cant explain his ways, maybe he is just a compulsive liar
Emma
Update: He. Is. Dumped!!!
Jeez, this was a no brainer in the end. Imagine this, after he said both of those meetings were canceled, then he said he had another one on another day, and THEN, sometime later he said that one was canceled, TOO!!! Jeez. 🤯
And then… after all the work stuff got changed, he said the airlines changed his flights, too! Okay. OMG. I just didn’t continue for another moment and dumped him on the spot.
There were a lot of other lies and shady stuff building up to that, so… not a trace of remorse here.Thank you all so much for the replies and suggestions!
Helped me avoid a potentially upsetting situation and I’m grateful for your support!Jeez… my conclusion is that there ARE jerks out there… but they hide so skillfully in the beginning of relationships, only later the claws start coming out.
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