Something's changed..read through please :) need guidance


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Something's changed..read through please :) need guidance

This topic contains 28 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  I_D 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 29 total)
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  • #757144 Reply

    Indian Diva

    Hi Ladies

    I know how we are all at some point of time going through the What is happening !? Why me ? Will I ever be happy!? phases. Trust me I have been through that a lot ..I first posted about my sad little life in 2016 crying over a guy….posted till last year about multip;e guys I met- tried dating, all ending in terrible heartaches. Everytime my hurt gushing he is the one ! with the chasing and then why he doesn’t like me, what did I do wrong. and oh sometimes he is just PHYSICALLY attracted and oh my god he insulted me that i am not attractive.

    I noticed a pattern every F**ing time wht does he want. I took a break after 3 years, and I don’t know why but I am at peace :)

    Like recently I heard all..like all the rest of my friends getting married (the last batch) as a human I felt happy anda little left out but still ok…

    so its a little weird now with me I have my dating profiles still out there and sometimes I do even open it but i dont swipe anymore neither left nor right…just look at it and without a breath my brain says naah…not ready for another twisted world of lies.

    Everytime I came out of a relation I was emotionally bruised, it used to take me a hell lot of a time to get over it and move ahead and I did went back to dating world over and over again for a stretch of 2 years.

    People say that’s a long time to find someone, I sometimes feel may be these many failuires say something about me..that I am meant to be alone…I do get sad too thinking that ( that I will be alone and might die alone too) but this thought also doesn’t scare or motivate me enough to meet- date- find that human who I might want to spend my life with.

    The thought I have now is I want to be happy in the moment – with me as a priority. I don’t want to cry over and be depressed stressed about any stupid guy who treats my like princess once and then garbage after a month.

    I know people are happy with a loving spouse and family and people who are single don’t get all that. I don’t know if I ever meet someone like that ( high possibility bcz now I am not even trying ) but I don’t want to live fantasizing /thinking giving false hopes of a mirage (dream).

    I am 30, never had a long term relation – bf or ever had sex….may be missed a lot as an aspect of being human, or the urges I have as a girl.

    I think I can supress them..right ? :)

    The life which I want for myself now is where I am happy as a soul contributor to my happiness. Human do feel high, low, happy, sad, loved, alone. Somehow I am restricting my emotions so that I don’t get hurt.

    3 years back a guy s told me that I have build a cocoon around me and I take time….I tried comming out of that cocoon got hurt once twice ..multiple times that now I am in ahard shell who doesn’t want to be exposed at all.

    Please don’t post anything negative, I just shared this bcz we all go through it those feelings those thoughts ..just wanted to say make yourself priority, stop figuring out what he wants ..may be he is nt sure ..YOU my dear figure out what you want..instead of thinking what he is is thinking analyse and stream your thoughts and energy :)

    #757146 Reply

    Sophia

    anewmode_com/topic/moved-to-my-city/

    #757183 Reply

    Sassysampy

    I completely understand. I have no advice other than you should focus on you, when you find your happiness, which you will not find in a particular person but in yourself. Then it will get easier to open up the cocoon. I was accused of having a brick wall built. Which I knew was due to be extremely heavy and embarrassed. I eventually started to focus on me, what I liked, what I didn’t. I stopped worrying if I was going to say or do something wrong around guys. I was 40 until I finally found a great guy. I still go through a ton of questions and self doubt. But always know deep down that the guy doesn’t define me….I define me.

    #757227 Reply

    Indian Diva

    Sassysampy you are beautiful happy soul girl :)

    thank you for sharing your mind and experience :)

    #757230 Reply

    Indian Diva

    anewmode_com/topic/decoding-the-second-date-and-this-person

    #757802 Reply

    Better off single

    There are better things to do than waste your time searching for someone to be with. good for you.

    Me, the way i see it is i like to be alone. I’m happier by myself. I dont mind going out for some fun with someone new here and there and seeing where it goes. Someone is really going to have to impress me with their actions and not leave me confused to make me change my mind and want something long term. I won’t fall for words anymore.

    #757822 Reply

    tammy

    I think you should simply focus on self and having a gud social life. pick up activities join groups go for brunches, hikes, parties if you can. idea is to go out meet new people and make friends.

    #758001 Reply

    Indian Diva

    Thank you ladies…

    I feel I want to get settled so that’s positive but I am not open to the idea of dating (atleast for now) I feel like ahh no more sweet talking please if you don’t have a spine…

    ANd i truly believe it’s not the guys fault..i also fail to keep them interested. The major things I feel is with guys
    1. if they are blabbering about themselves …iits like a record going on and on
    2. they try coming too close(physically) without knowing me that well

    few months back I spoke to a guy genuinely interested in me, but then I got to know that he was sexting someone else on a regular basis on the side.

    I heard his explanation but decided to dro him..as I can’t ever trust such a human..

    will i die single ?? :/ :| :D

    #758019 Reply

    tammy

    I don’t think your really reading what people are posting here. and this trip of self pity and self badgering doesn’t work. if you feel negative about things it shows through in your interactions. and if you desperate to get settled than the neediness reflects in your actions. both of which are major deterrents to men. I will simply repeat what I said earlier. focus on having a rich social life. pick up weekend activities or join groups which are into food, hiking and trekking or bar hopping midweek or weekend. groups into weekend camping activities. you can come across these groups on social media. get out and focus on meeting new people of both the genders. meet people and make new friends. chill relax and enjoy life.

    #758455 Reply

    alia

    An advice I got one here many years ago was yo pay attention to guys who like you, not the guys you like. Then pick a boyfriend from the guys that like you. As easy as that, but difficult in the moment. Then as you get to know the person you may start liking them, too. Or not. But at least walking away you can do it on your own terms and you will not feel like garbage.

    #759575 Reply

    Misty

    Pursued a guy…showed mutual interest , asked him for meeting, met once for drinks on a friday.( had a good happy time)..tried talking till Monday over texts, saw no initiative from him for the next possible meetup…should i politely part?

    I don’t want to be pushy as I broke the ice…and I think if a man is truly interested I think he should take some responsibility too.

    can anyone guide?

    #759588 Reply

    Indian_Diva

    anewmode>com/topic/date-1-what-next/#post-759586

    #760645 Reply

    IDiva

    /www.anewmode#com/topic/new-guy-need-all-the-tips-i-can-get/

    #766339 Reply

    ani

    anewmode#com/topic/feeling-a-bit-down-post-date-just-a-vent/

    #766355 Reply

    Potato

    How to be happy:

    trust your intuition and personal integrity, create your own standards, whether or not they match those of the world around you. Be an individual, think for yourself, don’t necessarily follow the crowd!

    Being happy often means continually finding satisfaction, contentment, a feeling of joy, and a sense that your life is meaningful during all kinds of problems — that does not depend upon finding ease or comfort. It doesn’t come from other people.

    Change your mindSET often.
    Meditate and look at the bright side if life especially through the bad times. You can always find something positive. Make a big deal out of that instead of the tons of problems you are making a bug deal out of.

    Life will throw you into a boiling pot at times. The same water that hardens the egg softens the potato keep that in mind. Accept harsh experiences and problems as learning opportunities.

    Be kind.
    Be giving even when you don’t feel like it.
    Be there for someone else having a hard time.
    Hug someone. (That wants to be hugged back)
    Be thankful for what you do have going for you instead of what you don’t. Some people out there would love to have some of the things you have that they don’t have.
    Stay humble.
    “Lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at you.”

    #766356 Reply

    Potato

    lighten up.

    #766357 Reply

    Potato

    Have compassion

    Stop expecting perfect because you are not nobody is and never will be.

    What is perfect anyway?

    “If my self-worth is attached to being flawless, why would I ever try to learn anything new? After all, learning requires mistakes.”
    Vironika Tugaleva, The Love Mindset

    #766358 Reply

    A

    You’re trying too hard…..

    Focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place. You will meet your soul mate when you least expect it.

    #766359 Reply

    Learn to let go

    If this life is one act
    Why do we lay all these traps
    We put them right in our path
    When we just wanna be free
    ****I will not waste my days
    Making up all kinds of ways
    To worry about all the things
    That will not happen to me
    So I just let go of what I know I don’t know
    And I know I only do this by
    Living in the moment
    Living my life
    Easy and breezy
    With peace in my mind
    With peace in my heart
    Peace in my soul
    Wherever I’m going, I’m already home
    Living in the moment
    I’m letting myself off the hook for things I’ve done
    I let my past go past
    And now I’m having more fun
    I’m letting go of the thoughts
    That do not make me strong
    And I believe this way can be the same for everyone….Jason Mraz is so wise.

    #766360 Reply

    Learn to let go

    If you focus on yourself people will call you self- centered or even a narcissist. To which you can reply “well, duh, I took your advice.”

    #766361 Reply

    Indian_Diva

    Thank you @Potato

    I am focussing on learning new things, keeping myself priority and having zero to low expectations from people in my dating world…not wearing my heart on my sleeves anymore :)

    learnt from the past hardships made my shell a little stronger and my core more compassionate :)

    But I will be honest I am happy for people having new beginnings in life be it a spouse, baby. And these are precious additions God bless them all :) but somewhere in the corner of my heart I have a thought that this closeness and emotions are missing in my life I am not there yet or might never be even, this thought makes me a little sad, I try to divert my thoughts about other things I can learn ( keep myself occupied) but I do feel that I am incapable of creating close bonds on my own…like a family.

    whatever I do…I miss it having a husband, having kids, being a wife, being a mom…being a nurturer. I wanted this from a long time I always thought positive about it…but somehow I am cutting down on people and have started becoming eccentric.

    #766362 Reply

    Learn to let go

    Own being eccentric. There’s not a thing wrong with it. People are going to opinionate themselves about you no matter what you do.

    Me, I learned that focusing on myself leads to the devil. So I’ll fix my eyes and focus on God. He’s gonna take me where i need to go.

    #766363 Reply

    Im weird. I own it

    There’s a season for everything. You are going to be ok.

    #773435 Reply

    Renne

    Something which we go through when he looses interest and we are struggling

    anewmode-com/topic/how-to-communicate-my-frustration

    and a guy’s perspective -because he thinks she dropped him
    anewmode0com/topic/things-are-dying-with-this-girl-confused/

    so much love, feelings and confusion :(

    #773515 Reply

    Better off single

    Focus on the facts and not on how you feel. feelings are fleeting and feelings fade. Especially when its not the right person for you. Let go.

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