So confused


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  • #836192 Reply
    Miss

    Met a great guy we talk all day every day, he’s met my family, we have most the same interests and understand each other completely. We met online and both are out of really bad relationships. He tells me I’m amazing and I get good morning good night texts everyday. He told me he isn’t ready to be in a relationship yet and needs to work on him, ok cool I know what’s it’s like. He’s told me multiple times he won’t hate me if I meet someone and don’t pause my life for him but that is being a couple isn’t off the table just can’t right now. I know to some capacity he’s not lying through his actions and all. Do I wait, move on, what do I do with this. Mind you were together a lot never physical but go to each other for every thing. So lost. He is truly everything I want but I’m not sure if I’m being strung.

    #836203 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Believe the negatives. And remember who he is, which is everything you claim to want: a man who told you point blank he does not want a relationship with YOU. A man you are not physical with and tells you it is ok to meet someone else.

    Is that what you want? Tell him to go away and call you when he can be in a relationship.

    #836213 Reply
    Zoe

    Block, He clearly told you he doesnt want YOU

    #836264 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    He’s told you he doesn’t want a relationship with you and that he’d be fine if you dated someone else. Stop telling yourself this man is everything you want because he’s not. Tell yourself you want man who is emotionally healthy, capable of a relationship, and wants to be with you. So he fails big time in being “truly everything you want”.

    I can sympathize because I’ve been in your shoes– emotionally entangled with a guy who expected me to give him attention the way a girlfriend does, but refused to move things forward and actually be in a relationship with me. Constant texts and attention from him, him telling me how awesome I was. Feeling like he was everything I wanted, but frustrated because he did not want to move things forward. But he demanded so much of my energy and attention I couldn’t really date other guys. It was a huge waste of my time and I’m so glad I woke up and cut him off, I’ve never regretted it.

    The good morning/good night texts are BS. It takes zero effort to text, texting literally takes seconds. He’s doing the bare minimum to keep your attention hooked on him. He clearly enjoys the attention you give him but is not interested in pursuing anything more with you. He’s made that very clear. The best thing you can do is tell him you are looking for a relationship and since he is not capable of that, you need to cut contact and move on. You don’t need to waste your time massaging his ego.

    #836276 Reply
    Newbie

    Have you seen how i met your mother? There is an episode where they all have a person that has a crush on them but they are never very clear in how they feel towards the crushees (its not a word but it should be). So they want to tell them their crushes are not answered by being clear. They start to say: no we will never be together …….. awkward pause….. But who knows in the future. They will never be together but the crushee is full of hope again.
    So, Yeah you are being strung along. Probably not out of malice but out of not wanting to hurt your feelings, or he knows it will never happen but doesnt want to close the door permanently. So i agree with liz, the first box that has to get ticked for mr perfect is that he actually wants you, right now, without reservations

    #836337 Reply
    Lane

    He’s not string you along at all. He clearly told you he’s doesn’t want a relationship right now and has no idea when he will because he’s not there yet. We all heal at different time frames and don’t know when that will be until we get there. Eight months isn’t long at all, so I actually applaud him for not jumping into a relationship and is doing the self-work he needs to do before he does, or all he’ll do is drag his baggage into the next.

    It usually doesn’t bode well for a woman who “hangs around” waiting for a man to come around. One of the biggest reasons is you know too much of his dark parts so when he is ready, he will want to start off with a clean slate—someone who doesn’t know him at his lowest but at his best.

    I highly suggest you do what he says and start meeting other men, or take a break yourself and work on areas you know need to improve so you can be the best version of yourself. Coming out of a bad relationship take a lot of healing and internal repair work, so maybe it would be a good time for you to focus on you and not jump into another relationship. I’ve been there myself and so thankful I took the three plus years going solo after my divorce—I had a blast and it was one of the best three+ years of my life!

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