This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Jackie 2 months, 3 weeks ago.
January 22, 2019 at 1:34 am #736917
I went out on a friendly date with this guy, great time, nice conversation, he paid. I texted to thank him for the dinner and suggested to hang out again. He texted back after a few days saying he was/is sick but will reply to my text when he is better. Is this normal?January 22, 2019 at 3:20 am #736926
It doesn’t sound abnormal… I know people can text when sick but maybe he wants to get in touch when he can focus on you and make a date he can keep.January 22, 2019 at 8:05 am #736949
It is unusual for a man not to text after a date if hes interested I think. For you to text and him to take a few days to respond and then say he’ll respond again in a few days, it doesn’t sound like he’s interested to me. What the hell is actually wrong with him? I don’t believe it I’m afraid- keep swimming around in the look out for others and put this on the back burner – don’t contact again and if he does then take it from thereJanuary 22, 2019 at 10:24 am #736966
He doesn’t sound interested. He hasn’t suggested meeting again…YOU did. It took him several days to reply back and when he did you got nothing other than he’s sick and he’ll reply when he feels better. If a guy was really interested he’d be telling you he couldn’t wait to see you again but he wanted to feel better first. Not pushing you off. I wouldn’t contact him again.January 22, 2019 at 11:09 am #736973
What was his communication like *before* the date?
If he was texting you a lot, I’d say that he is not interested. If he texted the bare minimum to schedule a date, he may be waiting until he feels better to schedule. Nothing to do but wait- you let him know your interest, he got your message.January 22, 2019 at 1:08 pm #736989
Please elaborate on what a big mistake this was. Did it stop the earth from spinning? Did it forever rip the sun from the sky? Will the op spontaneously combust from sending said text? What exactly is this big mistake you speak of?
A guy can send the same text not knowing if the girl is interested and that’s fine, right? She can accept or decline, right? He can’t accept or decline her invite to bring them to the same place without it being a big mistake, right? How so?
He gave it the old college try if he invites and she declines or hedges, right? What, no old college try allowed for her? I forgot, she’s has to go hide in a cave and wait to blow up or the world to end because Joe said so. Isn’t that right?January 22, 2019 at 1:16 pm #736991
In the beginning its really best if the guy takes the lead on asking you out.
You’re welcome to do it yourself but, then you’ll always be asking is he really interested.
At this point if he wants to see you again he will follow up.
Don’t reach out to see how’s he doing or anything. He knows you want to see him again.
Keep dating others as well so you have options to find the right guy for you.January 22, 2019 at 1:23 pm #736992
He is a simple person perhaps a little naive. I can see that he is very systematic. We didn’t text much before due to our work schedules and he is a little shy. However, we chatted non stop when we see each other, he didn’t want to end the date, I was the one who had to leave due to my other commitments. You are correct, I made my move, now it’s his turn.
Big mistake for going after what I want? Come on, this is 2019, if we women can carry half of the economy, we should be able to fight for our happiness.January 22, 2019 at 1:30 pm #736993
Whew! Glad to see you didn’t spontaneously combust after all!
Guess Joe don’t know…January 22, 2019 at 1:44 pm #736994
Yeah, I don’t think “I had a great time, thanks for dinner and lets do it again sometime” is too much. It’s pretty polite and doesn’t demand a yes/no. If a guy can’t take that or if it turns him off, he either is not into you, or he has a very large pool of women if he says “OH, I LIKED HER BUT SHE SUGGESTED WE DO IT AGAIN SHE IS CLEARLY DESPERATE”.
That said, he needs to step up….January 22, 2019 at 4:26 pm #737006
I don’t understand why women post here asking a question and get ticked off when they get an answer they don’t like.
Here’s the deal – men like to work to earn things. Makes it more valuable to them when they have to wait and make effort. Technically there’s nothing wrong with your texting him after the date and suggesting getting together again, but it isn’t your most effective dating strategy. Say thanks at the end of the date and let him know you’re receptive to seeing him again if you liked him if he brings up another date. And then let him do the work from there. You’re more valuable in his eyes and you have no questions about whether he’s interested. Save the women’s lib stuff for your career where the go-getter attitude is an asset. That’s what I do and it works really well.January 22, 2019 at 5:46 pm #737016
Asking a guy out is not a big mistake, of course, especially when it is 2019…Except then you can’t stop wondering if he is interested…
If you don’t mind 2nd guessing all the time, go ahead and ask him out againJanuary 22, 2019 at 8:55 pm #737034
T from NY
The reason you let men do the asking for the first several months is because men and women date for DIFFERENT reasons. Sure you’ll have a small minority of men looking for a relationship. But MOST are mainly after sex (and there is NOTHING wrong with that) but women are, usually, most interested in a relationship.
So a man will gladly, enthusiastically say yes to your offers to hang out because they are hoping that eventually they may get sex. Do you know ANY women who say yes to hang out with dudes (that they have no romantic feelings for and don’t see a chance of ever wanting a relationship with) say yes to hanging out with that guy because she hopes there will be sex. Um no. Not unless she’s offering herself up as a FWB.
I don’t care what year it is. It’s biology. It’s a difference of hormones and brains. Sure you can offer a fun idea of something to do once a dating pattern of several, several dates (especially if you’re still dating after giving sex) BUT until then — the only way a woman can gauge a mans true interest is letting him lead and watching his actions plus his words over time. Works for about 85 – 90 percent of men. Even male dating coach teach the same thing
PS Thank the guy ON the date for the date, when you kiss him goodnight etc. Then in days following do nothing. Except be receptive and cheerful when he reaches out. (It’s not fair you say? Why do men get to do all the choosing and women do nothing? Because men want to win and care for you. Women GET to take care of themselves and work on their lives. That’s the type of women men love.) Best of luck.January 22, 2019 at 8:57 pm #737035
T from NY
Pps. Women are actually the choosers. Choose only the men who court you best. Men who make up lame excuses of being sick and not texting back for days — chuck them out!!January 22, 2019 at 9:56 pm #737038
No the world is not going to stop spinning if you send follow up thank you texts and ask to see him again. Of course not. But then you would find yourself in this situation where you don’t know what to think.
Is it fair that men have this decision power over early dating? No it is not, but it is what it is. As women we can lure them in, seduce, bait. But if we start going after men in a masculine way, they don’t feel a challenge and even if there was an interest, they might lose it.
Sending thank you notes and suggesting to hang out again is removing any challenge for him whatsoever. He doesn’t have to wonder if you liked him, he doesn’t have to think how to approach you again. What if you say no to the next date…If you do what you did, it becomes quite a dull experience for a man.
They need to feel like they were ambushing you, chasing, hunting you down and finally got you LOL Then they appreciate the reward. Ask any man, they all like a challenge.January 22, 2019 at 10:44 pm #737046
Presenting yourself to men as a ‘challenge’ can backfire spectacularly. There are men out there who are only interested in conquering the ice-queen but once they have her all interest in her vanishes. To balance this, it has to be said, that such men are fairly rare but you never know when you might meet one, so be careful.
Women need to know themselves and develop boundaries. Men who are all over a woman from the start are almost always men who fancy themselves as modern day Don Juans and will be gone when they get want they wanted:sex. Women should seek out men who move slowly even painfully slowly as their interest will in most cases be genuine. In addition women should remember that men view dating etc as little more than an interesting hobby that they can indulge in or ignore at will. Dating for men is not the raging all consuming passion that it is for women. That is why men can vanish and return days later behaving as if nothing has happened because for them nothing has changed. Can a man going very quiet for days mean that he has little interest or is keeping a woman in reserve? Of course, but most of the time it means little to nothing.January 23, 2019 at 2:11 am #737061
“Presenting yourself to men as a ‘challenge’ can backfire spectacularly.”
Yes – that’s exactly right. Playing hard to get is a game that good men see right through and attracts the wrong men who just want to play a game and disappear when they believe they’ve won the game, not you. Smart women who successfully date good men don’t “play” anything or put on a fake front. It’s like the PUA books that tell men to “be mysterious”. Oh give me a break. Good women don’t fall for that stuff, women who are insecure do.
Women are ultimately the choosers if you’re doing this dating dance the right way. :)January 23, 2019 at 5:12 am #737065
Men are not cave men with little cave men brains, but if you treat them like they are and give up all your power over to them, you will live in cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy and confirmation biases.
It depends on what you want. If you want to take the passive role, you will attract men who like to take the active role. But not every man is like that, and I prefer to be with guys who are a little more aware of my human qualities and layers.January 24, 2019 at 8:02 pm #737323
Thanks, everyone! Lesson learned, using sick as an excuse for ghosting is not acceptable. He texted back today to set up another date, but I told him to get lost. Time is no one’s friend, can’t afford to waste on someone who cannot make up his mind.January 24, 2019 at 9:46 pm #737337
He must have been on his deathbed for days and then rallied to text! 😂🙄
Good for you for the boundary.
I can see your sparkling crown from here.