This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Better off single 3 months ago.
August 17, 2019 at 10:21 am #760423
I’m stuck here and I find real life dating hard. So I thought about online dating,but I’m bad at social ques and hear bad things about it. I’m tired of being alone and I want someone in my life.
Ok I’m very very bad at socializing,emotions and get bad anxiety. I’ve been told I’m boring and,come off as not caring since I’m not really the affectionate type. I have my bubble I like to stay in but,if I like you enough I try to come out of it. It’s hard for me to make eye contact and,I noticed if I do like a guy enough I tend to overthink things.I can’t figure out what I’m doing is good enough or not so I overthink. I’m bad at conversation unless someone else starts first and,even then things can get that awkward silence. I don’t mind the quietness but others do. I find it easier to text then face to face conversation, because it gives me time to think instead of blurting things out that make no sense. I know I sound a mess but I’m trying because I really want someone in my life. One thing I don’t do is sex unless I’m 100% sure about the guy,which could take over a year or 2. I know most people are looking for sex but, I want a connection and to be sure I’m not being used.
So I’ve never tried online dating,but I have heard stories and it’s not good ones. Then again I have heard people have met the love of there life through online dating. Any advice would be great because I’m clueless in this area. I know I shouldn’t be because I’m in my 20’s,but I have lived in my bubble a long time. Any sites I should try?August 17, 2019 at 10:30 am #760425
People have met the love of their life through online dating, but instead of doing that I think you should first seek therapy to learn ways to overcome your social awkwardness.August 17, 2019 at 10:53 am #760428
Well I am trying different things to get myself out there and out of my bubble. Believe me it’s really hard,I just don’t do great around people. I’ve tried some suggestions to up my socializing but it hasn’t been good. I’m like this stereotype quiet,shy,no friends,weird person in the classroom. I’ve always had trouble with people since I was little and, have had help before but it didn’t really work. I’m not stupid but also not the smartest person in the world. I’m also working on not be “boring” because I get that a lot from people and it hurts.August 17, 2019 at 11:13 am #760430
You are a very negative person. While it good to be self aware, you are taking this to a whole other level. Make a list of things that you do like about yourself, and stop focusing on the negatives.
Online dating is very different than meeting in person. A lot of guys are not looking for a relationship, even when they say they are. Rejection is very common and often. People stop responding for no reason. I read an article once that said 40% of people on dating apps are married or in a relationship. You need to develop a thick skin to be on dating websites. This has nothing to do with how you look. All my single girlfriends have gone through this with online dating. I myself are on dating apps, but I set my expectations very low. My last two boyfriends I met in person and were looking for something serious. Pretty much every guy I met online were only looking for FWB even though they told me they were looking for a relationship. It just became obvious with their actions that this was their goal.
I would say go for it, but like I said before, set your expectations low. Some people have met their soulmates from online dating, so I know it CAN work. Stay away from free dating apps, and go more towards match, Eharmony and elite singles. The people on there tend to be higher quality.
Good luck!August 17, 2019 at 11:25 am #760431
I know I got a negative mind set but I do try to turn it off. I don’t let the negative side show often. I guess I got low self-esteem too. I am working on myself though and trying to look at the positives.August 17, 2019 at 12:02 pm #760439
Where you are today, I wouldn’t try online dating. It takes a very thick skin and the ability to quickly screen and to brush off bad dates and not getting upset about a good date that never turns into a second date. I sense you would get discouraged and hurt and it might set you back. Try other IRL activities first and yes perhaps some counseling would help.August 17, 2019 at 2:49 pm #760464
“I’m like this stereotype quiet,shy,no friends,weird person in the classroom”
You mean a wallflower? :) Known to be the most interesting people once someone gets to know them. Clearly you’re not around the right kind of people if they flat out call you boring. You don’t type like a monkey, are well spoken and seem like you can have a conversation! Those are the roots of being an interesting person in my book!
Are you in college? Or have any plans to go? What are your interests and hobbies? Reading, movies, music, games, pets etc?
I would strongly advise against online dating. I’ve been on the internet since I was 11 and never thought highly of online dating. Always felt too contrived and repulsive. Yeah I know someone who got married from it and people get relationships too but I can’t be arsed lol. It’s not for me, and it doesn’t seem like it will be for you either. Honestly, I would advise against dating anyone right now. Try counseling, if that’s not possible, then focus more on dating yourself and socializing sincerely i.e. without any dating pretense. Friends make being single easier. And for you I think friends first would be a good preface to dating someone.
How do you feel about online groups? For example I’m a part of an online chatroom/group (Discord server) of people. We don’t care if you’re shy, socially awkward, talkative, not talkative, of whatever age. It’s just a nice place for introverts (or ambiverts) to feel like they belong. It started out as a gaming community years ago but now is just a chill social place to talk about whatever and feel welcome, and often supported too! Best part is it’s not too big or chatty. Too much activity can overwhelm me too. And there are admins too so people can feel safe from harrassment of any kind. I think you would benefit from something similar to that and it would be a good stepping stone towards being comfortable with other things!August 17, 2019 at 3:40 pm #760474
Better off single
Are you a sucker for pain???