Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Should I Stop Initiating
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Newbie.
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Lacy
Im in a situation where I fell in love with my best friend. Unfortunately, he says he cares deeply about me but he said he has “tried very hard not to love ME”. So, now when we talk I feel like I am pining for him more than enjoying our conversations and friendship. I’m afraid that continuing this dynamic, I will cause myself a ton of mental stress. I told him a few weeks ago. Since then, he has called me almost every week day, sometimes there are a day or two in between calls, but I stopped initiating (which is the odd part, because I always seemed to have to be the initiator if I wanted to talk) and now the tables turned. Any ideas to why he suddenly started putting in more effort AFTER he told me he doesn’t love me in return? I honestly, I felt that If I told him how I felt, and he said he didn’t feel the same that it would make things easier and make it easier for me to move on from the romantic aspect. Should I continue to stop initiating, in order to let my feelings go?
Newbie
I dont think him initiating more means much. Im sure he likes you as he is your best friend. But he is not in love with you. Now him initiating more is not a sign he is now falling in love. WILL NOT HAPPEN. Honestly his line he has tried very hard not to love you pisses me off. Wtf does that mean? I would have called him out for that statement.
He cant let go but knows you have feelings for him. Its really up to you what to do. Can you handle a friendship where you now start to accept he will not become a bf? Where if he one day brings along the love of his life, you will be happy for him?
And where you feel free to go look for a long term relationship yourself. Its really important to give up hope here. Take careTallspicy
You are in a very dangerous spot here. You should indeed stop initiating. And he could be contacting you more because he cares for you and does not want to hurt your feelings. You should assume you are friends unless he makes a grand gesture of some sort – saying he has feelings, asking you out on a date, kissing you. But I also suggest you pull way back from your own mental state as you will now assume any kindness is interest. Assume that is not the case until he declares himself and assume he will not.
Stop initiating, Assume there are not feelings and do what you need to do to move on. If he makes overtures to see you are spend time, simply do what you need to do for your mental health.
ANM StaffKeymasterMod update:
Hi Lacy – I hope that our community has helped you find clarity for your questions!
I do have a quick favor to ask of you. When posting here, please use a consistent pseudonym. It would be fine to stick with “Lucy”. But it’s also totally fine if you decide to use something different – just as long as you stick with it in your future posts.
Using the same name helps our community members understand more about your situation. It’s okay if you feel like you have many different questions. Bringing up questions and reading all these different responses can help you learn about people’s behaviors and hopefully help you figure out what YOU want, too!
Thanks – best wishes to you!
(edit- I meant to say “Lacy” not “Lucy”, sorry about that!)
Newbie
Thanks anm mod. So Lucy/lacy is your older post about your co- worker? If thats the case you are keeping yourself under water for 5 months now. Why post the same thing if you wont act on the advice given. Trust me i know how its like to have unanswered crushes for years. I just wasted my time like that. You can do the same. I hope you dont though and be smarter than i was.
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