Should I stop before it begins?


Home Forums Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice Should I stop before it begins?

This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Emma 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #738580 Reply

    Kimberley

    I met this guy @ a ten-days long work event. I liked him and he seemed to like me, but I passed after perceiving mixed signals. We became FB ff and that was it. A week after I got home, he asked for my phone # and sent me his. He promptly called me and let me know he wanted to see me again. The thing is we live 700 km apart. He whatsapps me every day several times to ask how I am, and tell me how he’s doing. We’ve discussed meeting, either at his place or mine. We’ve been doing this and romantic talk for a couple of weeks but I’m starting to feel a little involved, and I wonder whether is worth it, since we’re so far apart and we both run busy schedules. Our next decent time window is either my birthday on March 14th, and of course there’s Easter. I’d take it easy till then, maybe talking once a day or so, and I’ve gently suggested it to him but he just doesn’t seem to get it. All this talking seems pointless to me since what I’d like is to get to know him properly. Should I tell him bluntly to speed down, play along or just pass on him for good? Thank you!

    #738584 Reply

    Khadija

    Start talking to men close by.
    These meets up end being a weekend of sex and then radio silence from the man afterwards.

    #738588 Reply

    Raven

    That’s 6 hours by automobile!

    What outcome are you looking for?

    #738589 Reply

    Kimberley

    Thks for answering! Actually, I really luke him, and I just want to get to spend real time with him and not just a f*ck weekend. That’s the reason I’m willing to wait a month or more. Even if I’m not particulary looking for anything serious right now, I’m not desperate to get laid either. Also, since idk him I’d rather go to his city- which is nicer than my little town- stay over with friends and take it from there. It will tell me a lot about him whether he waits or not. I’m more concerned about the pointlessness of this bf-gf daily talk when we haven’t even kissed.

    #738597 Reply

    Kimberley

    Omg i just told him to chill and he thinks I was ‘dumping’ him bc he’s not present. He wanted to drive here right after Friday knockoff… Guess I found the assertiveness to make him wait until mid March.

    #738600 Reply

    Emma

    I hope you realize that you are slowly but surely dragging yourself into a long distance FWB situation, where you are getting more and more emotionally involved. I urge you to think 2 or better 3 steps ahead, for the sake of your time and your emotional well being. Is there a possibility to live in the same locale within a few months or maximum a year? If not, then do NOT get involved. You “liked” him is going to cost you dearly.

    #738619 Reply

    Kimberley

    Thks Emma. I know & thats why I want him to just chill.

    #739615 Reply

    Kimberley

    UPDATE:
    He is coming to visit me on February 28th and he will be staying until the following Sunday. He already booked a hotel in town, and we’re making plans to sightsee around.
    So far, what I feel is no more than what’s expected at this stage: attraction; but I don’t want to spoil our chances. I know he’s a good guy, since it’s not as if we don’t know each other: We’ve had not-so-close professional ties for a couple of years, during which we conducted a respectful flirtation that never evolved into anything else since back then I was dating another guy. I’m single now, and we happened to be the only person each other knew at a recent work event, so I allowed myself to get a little bit closer.
    My main concern is that he’s coming on really intense, and I know from experience this is not a good sign. He calls me 3-4 times a day on average, not to mention the messaging etc; and this only after I made him understand I needed a little bit of space, bc he was all over the place. He insists on video calls, which are hard for me since I’m a little shy and I like to be comfortable @ home, which entails no make up, old tshirt and the like.
    He says he wants to be back for my birthday and that he wants me to spend Easter at his city. I’d like him to slow down, but idk how to keep pushing it since I don’t want him to feel I’m rejecting him either. He’s not a man-child: he succesfully runs his own company, and his manners and professional behaviour are impeccable. He’s also not known in our circle for being a skirt chaser or a party guy; rather the opposite. So it’s not as if he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
    So, I’m freaking out about his impending visit, and also bc I don’t want us to burn out after too much contact prior to it. I’d appeciate hones tips and sugestions. Thank you.

    #739644 Reply

    Emma

    “Freaking out” should seriously be reserved for teenagers. For a woman who wants to do well in life one would expect some other reactions. LOL

    “He says he wants to be back for my birthday and that he wants me to spend Easter at his city.”…he says he says he says.

    Where is your head? LOL

    Have you taken any notice of the comments prior to your update?

    I repeat. Is there a possibility to live in the same locale in the next 6 to 12 month? If not, you are being very foolish. You are walking into a FWB pit that would be emotionally draining and potentially hurtful to you. Just because “he says”.

    A few talks and video chats and he secures quality sex. This is WHY long distance liaisons are so popular with men who look for FWBs. Just because he has to travel, a woman would give in to sex. So no real courtship, no dating, nothing of the sort. Some texting and “he says”. Duh!

    Smarten up please and look after your interests. If long distance is going to be permanent, then what are you doing? Understand please, there will be NO romance. Only texting and video chatting. And every 2 months some sex. While in the meantime you are pretty much guaranteed he is going to keep looking for someone else.

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