This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 1 month, 1 week ago.
December 10, 2019 at 12:55 pm #780238
So my boyfriend has had depression for multiple years before I even met him and the depression obviously affects our relationship and his relationships with everyone in his life. Most people around him make excuses for him about it when he goes into his mental cages saying things like “oh that’s just what he does”. I do have sympathy about it but he has talked about how he doesn’t want to stay in the mental space he is in and he has confided in me about how he does want to seek out therapy but he recently lost his job and therapy is a luxury for him at the moment and I also feel like he is very passive about getting help because he’s so use to dealing with it. Would it be stepping over boundaries to pay for his therapy. He doesn’t mind me buying things for him, but as a man he doesn’t necessarily like it, so I thought about just telling him I already payed for it so see how he reacts and if he reacts sort of positively I actually go along and pay for it.December 10, 2019 at 1:03 pm #780239
How long have you been together? How old is he? How old are you?
I would not pay for therapy or prop up a man who isn’t taking any initiative to fix their issues but only have a bag of excuses to offer. You are coming off a bit “co-dependent” by trying to fix this man. All I will say is your money would be better spent by you seeing a therapist who can provide you with better perspective and understanding of what being in a relationship with a progressively depressed man will be like.December 10, 2019 at 1:13 pm #780241
No under no circumstance do you pay for his therapy. Several reasons. He has to WANT to go on his own for his own reasons, not yours. Men respond a lot better to hey, I support you and I know you’ve got this than here, let me do it for you. There are plenty of free and very low cost or sliding scale options for therapy out there. Better Help is an online service that isn’t costly. And if you are in the US, Lutheran Family Services or Jewish Family Services agencies offer counseling on a sliding scale and you don’t have to be from those faiths to be seen there.
I”m with Lane, a bigger question is why you want to stick around someone for so long who is not addressing their depression. Why do you feel such responsibility to fix him?December 10, 2019 at 1:46 pm #780248
Better off single
Not a good ideaDecember 10, 2019 at 1:51 pm #780250
No, don’t pay for his therapy. If he really wants to go he needs to take initiative.
I agree with Lane its coming off as you want to fix him.
The money would be better spent on you.December 10, 2019 at 3:14 pm #780258