Should i not bother with this one?


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This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Hannah 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #709398 Reply

    Jo

    Ive met a lovely guy online. We get on great but my issue and concern is hes just come out of a 22 year relationship and has only been single 7 months and says hes ready to date? Am i setting myself up for a fall? I think it may be too soon and it was a long relationship?

    #709399 Reply

    Ok

    Try to meet in person as soon as possible. Did he dump her or the other way around. If he got dumped then yes, this may not be the best prospect. But if he wanted out, at least you know he isn’t still pining for her. But don’t spend a lot of time texting and talking. You will get attached.

    #709402 Reply

    Amy

    Every person is different. Get to know him in person and that will tell you if he’s ready or not.

    #709403 Reply

    Jo

    I havnt really asked about what happened. I thought it be a bit rude to this early on. Im hoping he will tell me more but i dont want to catch feelings incase shes in the background or hes doing one of these rebounds where he goes online to distract himself from the breakup only to still want her months down the line i mean you read storys of guys hoing back to there exes after months to a few years of being together but 22 years is long but Theres also the thought that if i was just to leave it that might not be the case and i could have lost out on someone

    #709405 Reply

    Ok

    You haven’t even met this guy to know if he is someone you are really interested in. Unless he’s married, a pervert, an ex con, just meet up and see what you think. You are way overthinking things. You might meet this guy and have zero chemistry and from there this whole issue of a break up he has means nothing. Have a date and ask general questions about his last relationship. No one can tell you if he’s right or wring based on so little information.

    #709408 Reply

    Raven

    22 years divided by 4 = Roughly 4 Years…

    Anything less than 2 Years is your Heartbreak / his Rebound time…

    #709411 Reply

    Sarkastik Criminal

    So men are just expected to go 2-4 years without sex?

    #709412 Reply

    Lol

    And Stephen just keeps reinventing himself. Now he identifies as a ‘criminal’ how appropriate

    #709414 Reply

    Bedazzle

    Jo, ultimately it doesn’t matter what any of us say. None of us, not even you has met the guy. He is an individual with his own experiences, emotional needs, level of maturity, etc. None of us can fortune tell the combo of all of that.

    Go meet him, have a nice time getting to know him as a human being that happens to be male. Then if you are interested in getting to know him better, all you need to do is ask something like, I don’t date men who aren’t available, how do you know you are emotionally ready to date. Then let him talk. Then decide if he is sincere or not. Keep it chill, good info that is fair for you to know. Good luck.

    #709419 Reply

    Ali

    7 months is sort of on the edge for me… depending on what led to their break up, he could be ready or not. For example, if he had been thinking about ending the relationship for a while, had fallen out of love, etc, (which is very common after so many years!) he could be ready. on the other hand if she totally broke his heart or cheated on him, he could be still healing. The other issue to consider is that when someone has been committed that long, often they want to play the field a bit.

    Some would say it’s not enough time, but to me, it totally depends on the person and the circumstances….

    #709447 Reply

    Fiona

    Were they married, and if so, are they completely divorced? I never date men who are only separated. The odds for this being a good dating situation for you aren’t great – meet him with that understanding. Men this soon out of a long couplehood think they are ready to move on and they are usually not, no matter what they might say.

    #709457 Reply

    Lane

    He’s in the high risk category of emotional unavailability.

    The problem here is he has to go through a process of becoming a new single person. I liken it to a piece of paper. He and his wife were a full sheet bonded and his identity was that of a husband and father (if they have children) for a very long time. Upon their decision to divorce that full piece was ripped in half with the wife’s half torn into tiny bits of pieces.

    Now he has to put all those tiny bits of pieces back together until he can become a whole sheet of paper and identify himself as a fully single man—that takes time to unravel and rebuild. There are up to seven stages of divorce and I suggest you read them and try to determine which one he’s in before you proceed.

    He’s lonely, looking

    #709458 Reply

    Lane

    Ugh…page was jumping and submitted while typing.

    He’s lonely, looking for temporary companionship to fill the void and that is what I would ASSUME based on the information you provided. I would go super slow, don’t invest too much, watch, listen and observe or he could take you down the rabbit hole if you fall in love with a man who has zero intention of getting married anytime soon. I proceed super cautiously with this one.

    FYI, I was married over 20 years and it took me over 3 years before I could even THINK about entering into another relationship. They say for every five (5) years it takes one year to heal and recover—it COULD take him up to four (4) years before he would be FULLY READY to love another woman again enough to fully commit (marry her).

    #709494 Reply

    Emma

    I think you are very smart to be concerned and be careful. He is literally “days” out of a very long term relationship. Regardless of what he says, he is not ready for a new one. He is ready “to date”, that you can be sure of LOL. Because it means meeting women and having sex.

    #709613 Reply

    anon

    I disagree with Raven. A whole lot depends on how it ended. A lot of marriages ended YEARS before they ended officially. When I left my 20 year relationship I was fully done with the guy. We had been basically roommates for a good 4 years. It took me about 6 months to let go of the animosity and another 6 months to get myself mentally/emotionally healthy. On his end, he got into a serious relationship in about 4 months; he had gotten the “lets sleep with all the women” out of his system in the last 4 years of our relationship…

    I have a friend who was in a bad marriage, got divorced, 3 months later was in a relationship that is now a 15 year marriage.

    However, if he was still in love with the woman, and it was still a functional relationship (ie, not just roommates) that is going to take a while to get over.

    #709614 Reply

    anon

    The bigger thing is – you met a lovely man online. It means nothing until he has been a lovely man for 5 dates… at least.

    #709629 Reply

    Hannah

    It’s not rude to ask questions. It’s essential! You have to find out if he’s in an emotional position to be dating. Just like you have to find out if you’re emotionally compatible in other ways.

    If he’s not ready to answer the questions, he’s not ready to date.

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