Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Should I move on
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
K.
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Gemma
Hi all, ok so I’ve had 3 dates with this guy & Im needing lots of opinions on if I should see this as a red flag and let go, or continue.
Each time we date, we can only meet during the week after our work. On the third date I asked if he was keen to do something one weekend, and he said yeah maybe, but for the next 6 weekends he has plans. I asked what and he said parties or events with friends. Not that I am controlling, but should I be worried I’ll never get weekend time with him much and have to settle for a few hours one night during the week?
I don’t know if I’m overthinking. Is this something you guys could deal with?Raven
Are you sure he’s single?
Paige
That was my first thought. Have you done a background search to check his marital status?
Lane
I find this is a good way to measure how guy is feeling about you. Its far too soon IMO to jail him as he is a single man and is free to do what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants no differently than you are!
To be honest, controlling people are a turn off and prefer for it to unfold naturally where I wouldn’t give it much thought until after a month or so (6TH to 10th date) that had less to do on what night they asked you out but how much they are wanting to see you.
You can’t expect a man to just drop his life to accommodate someone he barely knows. What I do know is that a man who’s seriously considering a lady naturally wants to bring her into his world and be a part of hers but at the same time when its too new and don’t want to give up your plans or introduce someone to people you know willy nilly either. There is what I call an ‘uncommitted phase’ where they deciding, after spending time with you, if want to devote more time getting to know you or not. If they do, they will start the process of bringing you into their world, if not, they don’t and bounce (move on to the next). That’s what dating is—deciding if that’s the person you are willing and wanting to give more of your time to or not.
The best thing to do is remind yourself you are SINGLE too! So go make some weekend date plans with others as he’s not the only guy on this earth :o)
Khadija
Its too early in the game to count him out.
When I was dating it took me a while before I gave a guy Friday or Saturday night dates.And to be honest he probably is dating others. I’d see if this was months later and he still wouldn’t see you on the weekends.
Let this unfold naturally, if you are both starting to have feelings I doubt the weekdays will be enough.
Don’t try to dictate his time early on or you’ll get the boot. No one wants someone they barley know and not exclusive with telling them how to spend their weekend.
K
So the answer was, no he wasn’t keen to see you on the weekend or he would have found some time for you and would have asked you out. No one is booked solid for 6 entire weekends. “Parties or plans with friends” – yeah, that’s a major red flag. He’d be including you or be telling them he needed to cancel some of that because he is seeing you. You’ve just gotten the brush off. You’re the back-up girl or just a little weekday amusement. Either he’s not very interested in you or he’s involved with someone else at some level, either seeing another girl he is more interested in or he’s living with someone or married. I’d stop seeing him.
Liz Lemon
Who has every single Friday and Saturday night for the next 6 weeks booked? That’s just bizarre.
I agree that it doesn’t mean you should stop seeing him, necessarily. And I absolutely agree that you can’t dictate his time. But I do think it’s a measure of how he’s feeling about you, at least at the moment. If after 3 dates he felt a spark with you, he would definitely make time for you on a weekend.
How often do you see him? I understand it’s during the week, but is it at least once a week that you see him? As long as he’s seeing you regularly you know there is some interest, even if it’s during the week.
You could give it more time and see if you two develop more of a connection and he suddenly miraculously has a free weekend for you….but I would encourage you to see other guys while you’re dating him and not get too hung up on him, because he’s clearly not that hung up on you.
Phoebe
I would let him go.
K
“On the third date I asked if he was keen to do something one weekend, and he said yeah maybe, but for the next 6 weekends he has plans.”
Basically what happened was, you asked him out and he turned you down flat. And now he has you on the run chasing him, hoping and praying for a weekend date. No self-respecting woman would make herself available to a man after he snubbed her like that. He’s testing you and right now you’re failing by trying to figure out how to get more of his time.
A man who has any interest in you whatsoever wouldn’t do that.
He may not ask to see you again, wouldn’t surprise me with that response.
Devil’s advocate. Others have said keep seeing him. Why?? Why would you waste another minute on a man who just told you loud and clear he’s not interested?? Nothing is going to develop if you keep seeing him. Honestly… he’s going to go out with you again and suddenly magically it’s going to change??
This is a guy who’s already made up his mind it isn’t going anywhere with you. He’s only joyriding with you. Guys do it all the time – they enjoy your company in the moment and like the ego boost they feel when they know you’re into them, but don’t want anything real with you.
Value yourself and your time and back way off. Make no further contact. If he does ask you out again, tell him you’re busy during the week for the next two weeks and see what he does. that will tell you everything you need to know about him and how he feels about you.
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