Should I go on a second date with him after lockdown ends?


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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Kim 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #838692 Reply

    Jess

    Hi guys,

    Before lockdown, I went to the park socially distanced from this guy, let’s call him Eric. We had a nice stroll for about 45 minutes in the park. We spoke about family, friends, and work. It was a little awkward when I would have a conversation with him while walking, we’d stop midway because he was too interested in the ducks and the birds. He’d say “ooh look, I love them, we hardly have them in the north (I live in the South). He did that a few times. Other than that, we learned a lot about each other, and then he went home. He was nice cos he made an effort to see me in the South. Since lockdown, I told him I’d rather not meet up with him. I wished he would leave me alone but he kept texting me how I was etc. and where he was at that moment. I have a travel blog and I told him I’m updating a few locations on my blog, he said maybe we could go there together. Inside I felt like “just leave me alone” but I ended up saying “yeah why not” because I feel like maybe I should give him a chance to meet me again after lockdown. It was brief, with no excitement in my text. Then he kept texting me throughout, last week he said if I was comfortable with meeting up, we should meet up at one of the parks in Central. I told him I’m still not comfortable, hoping he would leave me alone this time, but today, he texted me again and asked “are you enjoying the snow?” I said, “yeah I am actually”. That’s it!! It’s not just him, it’s all the guys I spoke to only, I just can’t be bothered to meet up, but I’m comfortable just texting them online. I haven’t had any experience in dating since I broke up with an ex, so I have no clue what I should do. A lot of people have said after date 3, I should know whether I want to be with a guy or not, but cos of lockdown, I postponed it for a while seeing guys including him.

    I feel like I’m content with my life happy being single, and feel like I don’t need a man and kids to make me happy but at the same time, I feel I want to settle down and have kids. I’m at the point where I’m happy but it would be nice to have something more.
    I also feel fed up with online dating but at the same time don’t want to end up feeling alone. Does anyone else feel like this?

    I still worry too much about ending up alone by the time I’m 60+ with no kids and no partner. WI avoid going to weddings and social events because I know people will talk about their family, their husband or wife, and I have nothing to talk about. I just feel left out. I’m 36 now and I feel like my biological clock is ticking and I really want to settle down and start a family of my own, but with the right guy and for the right reasons. I don’t want to settle. I guess I just haven’t found the right guy yet.

    I was born into a strict Catholic Italian family but I live in the UK where the culture is quite laid back. I was raised in British culture. I guess there’s a culture clash between the Italian strict religious conservative culture and the open, laid back British culture. Not all Italian families are like that though, most are quite laid back but my dad. My dad taught us values in family and religion, heck he doesn’t even believe in sex before marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful my dad taught us values in them and I don’t expect to have sex after marriage, but where are all the guys who want exclusivity? I avoid talking about relationships on the first three dates, so it’s not that I’m desperate.

    With guys, I tell them I want to wait until we’re in a relationship but most guys nowadays don’t want to wait that long. Another guy I dated, I told him we should wait until the 4th date, then after I had sex with him, he disappeared. I know this post sounds like I’m confused about what I want. I’m happy being single and content, yet I long to find a life long partner to settle down with.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m over my ex who I broke up with 3 years ago, I’m not hung up on him since he treated me very badly. I’m not comparing the guys that I dated with him. It just seems like the guys I dated share chemistry with me. What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

    #838717 Reply

    jarcom

    If you are unsure about him, i would give him a second date.
    To me online dating is counterproductive. I hope not offending anyone but most dates i went in online dating it was just catastrophic and made me stick to someone that i didn’t really like that much, just because of the thought that he was better than whatever i had met online.
    Online dating is like a men buffet, gives you the false impression that you only have to keep scrolling/skipping until you find the right one. My last ex-boyfriend and the guy that i currently like, would have been a strong NO in online dating, because they don’t fit my “what i am looking for”.
    I am two years older than you and i have the same fears. I have never wanted kids but i do want a long lasting relationship, a companion for the rest of my life and somehow i feel society makes us feel that this is only achieved by having kids. I think a couple is also a family and your clock should be more quiet and let you make the right choices regardless of how old you are.

    #839106 Reply

    Kim

    I know exactly what you’re going through. I felt the same way before I met my husband. You kind feel like your going through the motions by going on dates with men that go nowhere. I’m kind of similar to you. I have pretty traditional values. I’m not into sleeping with men before I’m sure that we’re looking for the same thing in the relationship. Sometimes it takes a few weeks for months to work it out.

    Men these days are so used to women who are ok with casual sex that when they come across one who has higher expectations they don’t know what to do or how to wait. That’s their problem. Not yours.

    I always used to see the guy a 2nd time if I wasn’t sure on the first date especially if we did have things in common on the first date. Sometimes you can tell from the first date if it’s not for you. I wouldn’t go beyond a 2nd date though if I wasn’t feeling it.

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