Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I ghost and talk it out?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 4 months ago by
Raven.
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Molly
After a year and half of being in the most toxic “relationship” “situation ship” whatever it was, I think I am finally ready to let go and move on. I’ve come to this conclusion many times before so I really hope that this time I can stick with it. I need advice on how to go about it though. This guy has been extremely hurt in the past and has been vulnerable to me about it. And even though he’s treated me like s**t, I just feel bad leaving. I don’t want there to even be a chance that I hurt him the way he’s been hurt. It’s almost as if keeping him around keeps him happy but me miserable, I’ll do it because I care so much about him. I’ve never been a fan of ghosting. It’s happened to me and it hurts like hell. However, I know if I voice my concerns to him he will just convince me that he’s changed and he’ll do better and I’ll fall right into his manipulative trap. So what do I do? Continue ignoring him until he realizes he lost me, talk to him about it?
Newbie
Youre not even close to being ready. I thought you meant you were ready to date when i started reading and then it dawned you are mustering up the courage to stop being in a bad situation. You are the only one who can help you. As long as you are not willing to be treated like a doormat because poor him was so hurt in the past and you will never be that person to do that and you love him so, you will never he ready. All i can say is: its your life, its your job to look after yourself. So do it. Youre in a toxic situation and therefore not even gaining much from it. Being on your own is really not that hard and saves you a lot of drama
Tallspicy
Grow up and break up with him like an adult. His pain is not yours to own and ghosting is terrible. Have you asked him to change? Made requests? If so, and no change means you can end it with no negotiation.
If you have not, you need to learn why you never asked for what you needed and expected him to be a mind reader.
mama
It sounds like you’ve been through the wringer with this guy. A person’s past is not an excuse for present behavior. We’ve all had bad things happen — even traumatic things. It’s our responsibility to ourselves to work through that, either on our own or with professional help, and not make our current partners suffer the brunt of our pain.
You seem a bit co-dependent. Maybe instead of focusing on him and the pain/loss he might feel, take a look at your own needs. If you want to move on then make up your mind on what you want to say (I really don’t suggest hashing out your differences. Just come up with a reason why you’re breaking it off or taking a long break or whatever your needs are). Then let him know you’re letting him go, it’s not up for discussion, and that you wish him well. Then block contact for a few months. A month at the least. I think that’s a respectful way to end things and start your own process of healing.
I think that time and space will help you see more clearly how your actions/his actions are affecting your own well being. It’s hard. But it’s worth it.
mama
Correction: say your piece (in person if your location allows it in this time of the virus) and then IMMEDIATELY block contact. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
Raven
This guy is not your burden & you’re not his Mama.
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