Should I even continue?


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This topic contains 28 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jenny 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 29 total)
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  • #746940 Reply

    Jenny

    I have been seeing this guy for 4 months, we went out to eat and talk about anything from politics, culture, and everything. He is Asian, very straight forward and somewhat a nerd. He didn’t make a move on me, but extremely responsive to my texts and keeps wanting to see me. Not sure what is going on, but I am getting a little impatient as I don’t need another friend, he could be shy but willing to open up to me. Should I continue to see him? I don’t want to make the first move, but I can’t just keep waiting.

    #746941 Reply

    Karen

    Sounds like he is just a platonic friend.

    #746950 Reply

    Zoe

    I think its a cultural thing. I saw something on TV that Asian women are frustrated that men from their culture dont make moves on them.

    #746953 Reply

    Nellie

    “…keeps wanting to see me”

    Then just meet up, go few more dates and see what’s next?

    #747069 Reply

    Jenny

    @Nellie, I don’t know if I want to waste my time. He is in his 30’s not a little kid, if he needs a friend, he should just go find someone else. Going out on dates take a lot of time and energy, not sure if I want to invest in someone who is taking his sweet time to express his feelings for me. Sometimes I think men are harder to read than us women. Obviously, he likes me, but somehow he is afraid to make a move, it makes me wonder if he is insecure or he expects me to lead him.

    #747071 Reply

    Emma

    4 months and he didn’t try anything? Oh Gosh, I can see why you are so annoyed, what woman wants to “ask” a man if he is attracted to her. LOL

    If he is in his 30s and had women before, he knows what is expected of a man. You can take things slow, but 4 months is too slow, if you see each other frequently. I’d start showing him a cold shoulder, shee if he ups his game. If he is into you, he’d want to do something, he’d be afraid to lose you, he’d want to talk about it.

    #747073 Reply

    Sisi

    I had a guy like that once…. Cascasian dude from South Africa…

    Talked nightly for 3 months and I was convenienced he liked me but was shy to make a move … how could he not be spending so much time interacting with me?

    Made a move, slept together a few tunes… found out he actually liked another girl in the office … Lol

    Since that, I never believed such thing as a shy guy

    #747077 Reply

    Sam

    Agree with all of your points, Jenny. Recently just went through a situation where my guy seemed really into me, and made it pretty clear through texts, but never made a move on me. Initially he said it was because I seemed conservative (but I also thought he seemed reserved), so I thought that maybe it was because of his background (Muslim), he wanted to be respectful or I wasn’t being open enough, and tried to take the lead in order to show him it was okay. Things didn’t change, and I had a hard time believing he was shy because he had a straightforward and assertive personality… except when it came to me eventually asking in a more PC way, What gives? Let a girl know if you just need a friend or pen pal so I’m not wasting my time?

    We talked nearly daily for 5 months. I was convinced he was into me ’cause why spend all that time checking in with a girl if you weren’t into her?

    I was wrong. Since then, I’m learning to cut my losses a lot sooner because I waited too long. I wanted it to work pretty badly because I thought we had great chemistry but the interest wasn’t mutual.

    At least your guy keeps wanting to see you though, so I think it’s perfectly justifiable if you ever decided to ask him about it, if nothing progresses.

    #747083 Reply

    Lane

    Why are women so afraid to speak up? Geez, if he doesn’t like you that way wouldn’t you want to know??? If your going to INVEST in someone the at least KNOW what your investing in! There’s the ‘uncommitted phase’ a man goes through but by the end of the third month HE KNOWS if he’s in love or not. Just ASK him what his intentions with you are the next time you see him…tie to get that conversation going so you know what move YOU need to make…stay or walk away based on the conversation you have with him.

    #747085 Reply

    Jenny

    I don’t want to look desperate or to lower my value as a woman. I guess I will ignore him to see how he will react. He

    #747087 Reply

    Lane

    It doesn’t do that! You were given a voice, use it! When I ask a man he will gladly tell me…what he responds with tells me what I need to for ME. Asking pertinent questions doesn’t lower your value, it INCREASES IT when you have information to make the right decision for YOU.

    #747089 Reply

    Crisula

    Going to ignore him? More games that go nowhere.

    Have you touched his arm or his hair once in awhile? While he’s talking, have you just looked into his eyes all dreamy eyed, while twisting your hair? (Cheesy, but it works)

    Give him some obvious door openers.

    Take a break from the politics and flirt for crying out loud. “Wow you are so strong” “You’re looking extra handsome tonight” “I love the way you do that, can you do that again?”

    Dating can be so fun.
    Flirting is not being desperate or lowering your value as a woman…it’s part of being a woman

    If he still doesn’t get it, move on.

    #747100 Reply

    Jenny

    Flirting is not acceptable for his culture. I am not playing games, but I don’t want to go after a guy. Since he is not making a move then I can just be done with him to save myself time.

    #747111 Reply

    tammy

    I agree with crisula..why don’t you try what she’s suggested the next time? and if he doesn’t pick up on cues, friend zone him. there are times you need to just hang out with uncomplicated friends and chill.

    #747120 Reply

    Crisula

    ****Flirting is not acceptable for his culture.***

    Maybe not, but flirting is the norm in yours.

    So in other words, you’re letting him take the reins?

    Maybe you’re just not comfortable expressing your needs to a man and you just conform to theirs.

    How is it working out for you so far?

    #747142 Reply

    Warasen

    I’m Asian and I flirt with women all the time. I don’t go further than that cause I’m married.

    #747169 Reply

    Jenny

    @Crisula, I am not getting anywhere with this person except for free nice dinners and a lot of conversations. Maybe he is looking for a best friend instead of a girlfriend? I don’t think by me telling him to make a move on me is going to fix this situation. Might as well, I will just let it go.

    #747174 Reply

    Khadija

    I don’t want to look desperate or to lower my value as a woman. I guess I will ignore him to see how he will react.

    What an utter waste of time.

    If you can’t communicate to guy about his intention then you need not date at all.

    And playing games will get you nowhere, plus they are immature.

    #747175 Reply

    Nathalie

    It’s been 4 months I don’t think it will hurt to ask him what he’s really looking for!!!!!

    If it’s his culture to not flirt, and it is a huge taboo then why is he dating a woman outside of his culture? If he wants to remain respectful until marriage and all that stuff then this is important to communicate and let you know! He is an adult perfectly capable of talking about these things regardless of where he is from!

    You’ve been patient all this time but the train is leaving the station at this point. Tell him what you want! Don’t be afraid, this is your life. You’re a valuable woman, nobody has time to playdate.

    #747195 Reply

    Nellie

    Jenny, do you mind telling us his ethnicity? Is he East Asian, Middle Easterner or South Asian?

    #747198 Reply

    Jenny

    He is Taiwanese

    #747251 Reply

    Nellie

    Hmm… Taiwanese men are infamous for being mommy’s boy.

    And it’s not true that flirting is not acceptable for Taiwanese culture.

    #747360 Reply

    Jenny

    His mom lives in Taiwanese, so it doesn’t matter if he is a mommy’s boy or not. I just can’t stand that he is not making a move but keeps wanting to meet up with me. I told him yesterday that I don’t need another friend and he should find someone else to hang out with. He was shocked hearing it but didn’t say anything back. I got a text this morning from him saying “I would like to see you again” so if this is his way of expressing his feelings for me, then honestly, I don’t think that I need it.

    #747375 Reply

    hmmm

    Jenny,
    Was this post just to vent or did you want some usable advice? I don’t think it was the latter. I think Nathalie suggested to just talk to him about what he’s really looking for, but you sound like your mind is made up.

    #747393 Reply

    Nathalie

    Maybe he is waiting on your lead first to know that it is okay to make the move. Have you hinted or talked intimately with him? You said he is straight forward and willing to open up to you, so why is asking him what he wants is not an option for you? You said you don’t think asking him will help but you never really know until you’ve tried right. And you have nothing to lose by doing so since you’re already feeling detached. But if it’s your choice to walk away then by all means..

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