Should I end things with him?


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liz Lemon 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

Viewing 16 posts - 1 through 16 (of 16 total)
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  • #773414 Reply

    KF

    Hi everyone!

    I am dating my ex, we have been back together now for 4 months. Previous to this we dated for a year and broke up because of his lack of communication. This is the same issue I am having with him.. I didnt hear from him for 8 days. Then this past week I had texted him on Friday, and heard from him on Monday (it had been 9 days not hearing from him, and 3 days with no text). He told me he was camping with his co-workers and had no cell service, yet I saw him on Facebook all throughout the weekend!! I want to give us a chance… but I havent even met his parents, we hardly go out. I see him maybe once a week if I am lucky. We do hang out with his friends, and his parents know who I am.

    Long story short… any thoughts? He isn’t a bad guy I am just not sure how to proceed, its really stressing me out. I have had MANY talks with him about not hearing from him. I told him I need to hear from him everyday, but he keeps pushing the days..

    Thank you all and have a great day xx

    #773415 Reply

    mama

    My first thought is a whole lot of talking from you, not a lot of action from him. It looks like to me that he’s not that interested in you, doesn’t plan to make you a long term girlfriend, and is just biding his time with you until he finds someone “better”.

    He doesn’t care. And you have shown him it’s just fine, you’ll take his lacking (regardless of the “MANY” talks with him — which you need to stop immediately, you’re not his mother). Honestly you might not even be his girlfriend in his eyes.

    Sorry dear. :( If you learn to watch what people DO more than what people SAY, it will save you much confusion and heartache. Would you tell your best friend to keep a guy like this?

    #773417 Reply

    Rhonda

    You didn’t hear from him in 8 days? He views your relationship as casual. You are also making yourself too available. Guys will take a woman for granted in this type of case.

    You need to live your own life, find happiness without him first. Create mystery in him about what your up to. Dont contact him first. Make him wonder where you went.

    It sounds like game playing but once you understand human psychology, it all makes sense. We all get comfortable, lazy & take things for granted- until we lose them!

    #773419 Reply

    KF

    Mama,

    You’re totally right about me not being his mother, and that’s how it feels!

    Rhonda,

    I’m actually a psychology major haha, I understand it very well. When I didn’t hear from him for 8 days I didn’t text him. So he doesn’t know what I’m up to. I’m also not available a lot… I’m a full time student and work full time. I don’t think he sees me as his girlfriend so it’s time for me to end things!

    #773420 Reply

    Raven

    Who initiated your getting back together?

    #773421 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I agree with the previous posters. He either got too comfortable or just isn’t into you. Either way, you have to focus on your own happy life, stop with the talks, you already tried that, stop initiating contact. He’ll either finally get a clue or he won’t. In the meantime focusing on your own happiness will be beneficial for your future, whether he is in it or not.

    #773423 Reply

    Sensy

    I totally agree with the other posters and it’s time you stop hurting yourself by having involvement with him. He’s just keeping you on a strin. Take your power back.

    #773424 Reply

    Sensy

    *string

    #773426 Reply

    KF

    I totally agree with everyone saying to gain my power back. And he was the one to ask for me back… he said he wanted to give us a real chance and nothing has changed!!!! I just feel lost

    #773436 Reply

    hs

    here’s how you handle the situation…. you walk away

    this man isn’t your boyfriend. In total you’ve been ‘together’ for a year and 4 months. he isn’t introducing you to his family, he doesn’t contact you for over a week, he doesn’t respond for an entire weekend, he comes up with weak excuses like no reception when he clearly had, and most of all, what actual boyfriend will go on a week long trip without telling you?

    Forget the nonsense advice about making yourself more unavailable as to pique his interest. Just walk away because you deserve better

    no man who likes a woman will disappear for a week, for fear that he’ll lose her

    #773443 Reply

    Better off single

    You broke up over a communication issue that did not change and got back with him expecting to change?

    #773447 Reply

    tammy

    Agree with HS. I doubt he is going to change. and why cldnt he tell his gf that he is going away for a week? what stopped him? neither does he include you in his plans nor does he bother to inform you. I seriously think you shouldn’t even formally end things. just stop initiating calls and chats. pick up the strings of your own life. get back to what u used to do prior to meeting him. in brief just don’t bother about him. seriously. if hes interested and just taking you for granted he will be wondering where you gone.

    #773450 Reply

    kaye

    If I didn’t hear from my boyfriend for 8 days and he wasn’t in the hospital in a coma or in traction with 2 broken arms and couldn’t dial a phone he wouldn’t be my boyfriend anymore!! Besides it doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend now. More like FWB. He rarely makes time for you in his life and can’t even be bothered to let you know he’s going on a vacation for a week!!! I’m usually one for communication and clearly ending things, but in this case I would be so pissed off to be in your shoes I would ghost on him. Ignore his messages, don’t return his calls, just let him know how it feels. When he finally comes around looking for you…which could be a week or MORE from now. Tell him he’s not meeting your needs, you’ve made it clear you want daily communication and you’re done telling him and this relationship has been over since he couldn’t contact you for 8 days to let you know where he was.

    #773451 Reply

    anon

    If I was dating someone seriously, that I knew pretty well, it would be a deal breaker if they went on an 8 day camping trip without a heads up that they would be out of touch.

    That kind of lack of important information is acceptable in that early phase of dating, but at some point, you should be sharing about your lives enough to know if they had an 8 day trip on the books.

    Like I am going on vacation in October, and that is just something I’d mention to a date for conversation. If it was someone I actually cared about maintaining a connection with, our last communication before leaving I’d say something like ” hey, I’m headed on my trip, you may not hear from me for a while.”. My old LDR would do that if he was going somewhere without service.

    However, if the guy was just a hook up… I would not bother filling them in. I’d say you are in the category of “he doesn’t care if you stick around”.

    #773453 Reply

    Khadija

    End things and don’t let him back in again.
    If you have already talked about this numerous times then he isn’t going to change.

    Instead of stressing out let him go. I assure once you do that you’ll feel a sense of relief.

    You can’t get back with someone and nothing changes, you’ll be doomed to break up again.

    #773456 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I agree with the responses here, especially HS, kaye, and anon.

    There is no way that it’s acceptable for a “boyfriend” of any length of time, but especially one you’ve been with for over a year, to go away for a week and not tell you where he’s going. If he’s even telling the truth about that, because it sounds to me like he’s not (he said he was camping with no cell service, yet was active on FB during that time?). Or, not answering your texts for days/weeks at a time? He is not your boyfriend.

    “no man who likes a woman will disappear for a week, for fear that he’ll lose her”. That sums it up right there.

    You say he’s stressing you out, and you hardly see him or have any contact with him. And he is clearly making no effort whatsoever. So why waste your time and energy on him anymore.

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