should i confront him abiut his feelings for me


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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Warasen 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #760177 Reply

    waiting_game

    so there’s this boy-a friend of mine, with whom i have been friends for 10 years-we’re both 23 now, we run in the same circle and always i have felt there was a tension between us, always liked him,even when i’ve had other bf’s i sensed there was smth-but none of us did anything to act on it: only hints and flirting. despite that, i always sensed that he is the one person i feel the best with, we just get each other. 2 months ago we hooked up(without actually sex because i was on period) and he ignored me for a while after this, when i confronted him if there was a problem he said “no, there’s not any problem.let’s leave things how they were before this party, i know i was an idiot but i just didnt know what to say to you, i apologize bla bla”. ok, i said, even though i was hurt, but i moved on and since then i acted as a friend,when we met on parties. last weekend on his sister’s b-day party again we were both very drunk and he tried to touch me more, he finally admitted he has always liked me, but he said “i am an idiot, we’re gonna screw things up”and so on, he didn’t give me any logical reason why we shouldn’t be together, i mean- he admits his feelings, tells me “tell me what yo want to hear” and then nothing. i was a little rude to him that night and the next day asked him if he is offended, he replied no- but nothing, we didn’t speak afterwards(besides on the group chat about everyday things with all the others). i feel like this is getting real and want to confront him, to ask him while we’re sober(but in order for that to happen i have to ask him out alone-just the 2 of us) because life is short and i already regret all the lost time, but at the same time i’m scared that if i confront him i will seem desperate and also he’ll turn me down for some stupid reason. i think what also plays a role is that he never had a serious girlfriend, he is very closed up when it comes to feelings except when he drinks a lot, and also my first bf was a guy from the company and maybe he is afraid of that too. what do you think i should do, some friends of mine tell me i should just wait, but i know that he would be too afraid to initiate it..tnx so much in advance!

    #760178 Reply

    tallspicy

    Please reread what you wrote. Now reread it again as if your friend wrote it. What would you tell her? You would tell her to do nothing, this guy is either not interested enough or a mess and none of that is a reason to try to get him to step up. If he wanted to step up, guess what he would. He has not so either he does not want to or is incapable. You do not want to have to do the heavy lifting for a man who is showing himself to be a poor candidate.

    And get your self into some therapy about why you would want something so messy and undefined. You are 23, that would be a better investment of your time and save yourself years of chasing unavailable men into your future.

    This man is unavailable to you. That is enough reason to lose interest, not chase him for an answer.

    #760185 Reply

    Warasen

    It doesn’t sound like the 2 if you are particularly close friends, you just hang out with the same people. I say this because you some be losing a confidant if anything negative happens.

    He is shy and inexperienced, you are pretty inexperienced too, so he doesn’t know how to approach you. From your description he seems like a nice guy. He was apologetic after you first make out season because he’s awkward.

    The alcohol lowers his inhibition so he can admit his feelings. If you decide to go discuss this with him be supportive. You might want to admit your feelings first so he will feel more confident and open up to you. Don’t worry about seeming desperate, is every guy that asks a woman out desperate?

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