This topic contains 26 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by L Elisabeth 4 months ago.
December 1, 2018 at 3:24 pm #730844
My boyfriend has been benching me for a while now.
Everytime I complain of his bad behaviour or point anything out, he withdraw as punishment. Before my birthday September he went 15 days without calling me. He called on my birthday. Ten days later he got upset again and gave me the silent treatment for 18 days. I called twice he did not reply. He texted on Thanksgiving to wish me a happy thanksgiving, I did not reply. We have not spoken for twenty four days now. Today is his birthday. Should I call or continue with NO Contact?.December 1, 2018 at 4:15 pm #730855
This guy is your boyfriend?
Sounds like a man child who refuses to communicate right.December 1, 2018 at 4:27 pm #730857
This is abusive. Stop seeing him. Do NOT call him to say HB – that’s rewarding bad behavior. Tell him you two aren’t compatible and you’re going to move on now.December 1, 2018 at 4:48 pm #730858
Matilda-He sounds like an a-hole. I would just let him fade away…December 1, 2018 at 6:45 pm #730870
His behaviour is sick of course but why do you want to engage in it yourself? He was the last one to text you and he did say HB to you. You were the last one to ignore him. I understand why you did it, but this is what happens when you deal with subpar people, you acquire their horrible habits to a degree.
If you want to continue with this person, text him a HB.
But I think you should end it. Just don’t do it on his bd. Wait a couple more weeks and then send a text saying this this type of setup is unhealthy, you find youself in the situation that is emotionally abusive, toxic and sick and you don’t want to be in it anymore, tell him to google stonewalling, and say it’s over between you two, and good luck to you in the future. He needs a lot of luck, because how would want to have a relationship with this type of a guy? LOLDecember 1, 2018 at 7:08 pm #730874
I understand why you say I was the last to ignore him, but I got sick of the childish games. This is a 50 year old man acting like a kid. He also gets very sadistict if he feels his ego got hurt. He told me, I call you tonight. I called and said I was free after 8:00pm. In the mean time he read my text. Did not like and did not call me. I called the next day left a message. Did not hear from him until my birthday. 15 days later. Right after got after he got upset again again. Ignored me again for bunch of days until Thanksgiving.
I just am sick of his manipulating behaviour and lack respect. I am afraid all with him is about control. if I send him a happy birthday, will he think I am trying to fix things up?December 1, 2018 at 7:15 pm #730876
I’m confused. Is this your boyfriend or not? Because he’s not a boyfriend if he ignores you for weeks at a time.
Either end it or have a conversation with him and resolve your issues.
Sending a happy birthday text is the least of your problems. This is dysfunctional on both sides. You asking a bunch of strangers if you should wish him a happy birthday is childish on your part too.
Call him and if he doesn’t answer leave him a message that if you don’t hear from him by tomorrow, you assume it’s over and are moving on, period. And no I wouldn’t wish him a happy birthday. You aren’t a greeting card, you supposedly are a girlfriend. This doesn’t have to be so dramatic and complicated.
The fact you put up with his multiple acts of silent treatment has taught him he can do as he pleases with you.
Why do you keep hanging on to this toxic situation? What do you expect to achieve by staying no contact?December 1, 2018 at 7:17 pm #730877
One more thing.
He has never giving me a birthday gift nor taking me out. He always work regular shift or overtime on my birthday. He has never giving me a Christmas present.
It has been 3.5 years.
Not even one rose. Nothing. Nada.
The first two years he called me the next day saying he had forgotten it was the day before. LolDecember 1, 2018 at 7:25 pm #730879
I did not see your reply before this last comment.
I see people here asking all kind of questions. Why do you find me asking for strangers opinion is childish. Isn’t what others are doing? Here to help them figuring out the best option. I do thank you for your reply thoughDecember 1, 2018 at 7:53 pm #730884
It seems all you want to do is bitch about what he hasn’t done for almost four years. You don’t accept your role in all of this which is to keep accepting bread crumbs from a man who you claim ignores you, gives you silent treatment and does little to make you feel loved or special. You ignored my question back to you which is why you are fixated on a birthday question and not the real issue which is you have a crappy boyfriend, if that’s what you even want to call him. Most women assume things are over if they haven’t heard from a boyfriend in one or two weeks.
You don’t sound any more mature than him by playing his silly games of silent treatment. I asked what you expected to accomplish by staying out of contact with him. Your question was should you break no contact to wish him a happy birthday?
Honestly? Do whatever you want. I’m sure you will text him, because you have been in this game of ‘wits’, small wits, for almost 4 years now and it doesn’t appear this relationship is going anywhere anyway.
I notice women on here always get flustered about topics that are minuscule and not the bigger issues. In your case you are upset about no presents or birthday gifts. When the real issue is you have a man who is thoughtless and isn’t even a good friend, let alone boyfriend to you.December 1, 2018 at 8:24 pm #730893
I AM VERY SORRY. i did not ignore your question.
You are right. The question should have been. Should I break no contact to wish him a hppyy birthday.?
Beilieve me or not, I in the past foyr months have been working hard on myself and how much I am putting up with.
My heart says not to send him a message after reading all the advices. I will not. You did say all the right things. I have a crappy guy that is not even a friend. Not much need to be said. I am going to wait until Monday and send him the message that I have put his belonguings in the mail and that I am through. I have being such a doormat. I am 100% sure he is love bombing someone else right now.December 2, 2018 at 10:58 am #730909
No offense but it is full on insane to consider sending him a birthday text, call or anything similar.
Dump him already. He treats you without care or concern, and silent treatment for weeks? How have you not already ended it?? He is not your boyfriend. He’s some dude who lazily allows you to call him that, but he is not interested or attached to you.December 2, 2018 at 6:26 pm #730940
If you wish him a happy birthday yes he will take it as you want to reconcile. That’s why I said, only if you want to continue with him.
Did you or did you not send him that wish?
This guy sounds awful, dump his sorry ass please. Why do this to yourself?December 2, 2018 at 7:00 pm #730947
He’s not your boyfriend, and he hasn’t treated you well. Tell him happy birthday and kiss my assess.December 3, 2018 at 8:15 am #730963
Unless he is a sugar daddy and pays your bills or something, I’d just start dating other men. If after 3.5 years, he’s ghosting you for weeks on end…. that’s nothing. Not a relationship. And um, at 50 he is nearing the point of being a liability and not an asset for whoever dates him (unless, again, $).
Oh, I see where you did dump him. Good for you- though I’d have sold his belongings and made some cash.December 3, 2018 at 1:10 pm #730995
OK – if you have ever been in an abusive, toxic relationship with a narcissist, you would have a little more empathy for the OP. Shameful to chastise her.
Matilda – as hard as it is, DO NOT call him to wish him a HB. Don’t do it. I struggled through this EXACT type of relationship for many years. It took me far too long to get out. Don’t be like me. Don’t message him. He will be very satisfied you communicated, but I guarantee he will not respond, which will upset you even further. And he will love it. Don’t send him any messages, just pack up his stuff and send to him with no note. The worst thing for a man like him is for you not to care any longer. Even if you do, don’t show it. Please do some research on narcissism. Knowledge is power when dealing with this personality. I wish you the best!December 3, 2018 at 2:32 pm #731012
“I am 100% sure he is love bombing someone else right now.” Love bombing someone else? He didn’t even love bomb YOU if he’s never bought you flowers or a present for any occasion!! Please up your standards and kick this jerk to the curb! At 50 he should know how to treat a lady and how to be a good boyfriend and he apparently doesn’t know either!!December 3, 2018 at 7:26 pm #731035
Yes, I have been in toxic relationships. And this man is treating her like crap. I’ve been there. And wish I had had someone to tell me straight up like I told the OP. Narcissists don’t care one way or the other about you. So you shouldn’t care either. You will never win with a narcissist because they don’t live or care about you.December 3, 2018 at 8:36 pm #731040
Sure wish him a Happy Birthsay, biatch at him some more, and then continue on your hamster wheel when he ignores you again…wash, rinse, repeat..
Neither of you act like adults but insolent children who need a permanent time out.December 14, 2018 at 1:54 pm #732342
Omg! After your advices and the narcissist mentioning, I went on a full research and everything matches my relationshi(t) with this man.
I realized that the silent treatments was an excuse to buy time while he was taking someone else out. I guess he is love bombing the other woman. It is very clear he is.
I DID NOT send him a birthday message. What I did, which I do not know If I should have ( no regrets) just that made me look bad was to write him a message and called him out on all his bad and crap behaviour and to tell him I am going to keep on walking. He called six times after he received the message and acting all sweet. Believe me, he walked all over me these past three years, and I have a good heart, but I spilled the beans on him. I was expecting him to hate me and never want to exchange a word with me and all he wants is to to meet to return my apartment keys. I told him no need to meet. He can either trash it or send it by mail. He refuses to do either. He wants to meet to give it to me.
He is very sadistic and sll I read and youtube videos I watched also tells me he is a narcissist and a phycopath. He can care less about anyone. He uses people like nothing. I also told him he is a broken soul with a limp dick and an awful heart. I was so mad. He left me a message saying All the things you said is not true. Yes it is all true.
So No, I have not contacted him and I packed his couple little things and mailed to his house with no note as I was advised.
I instated NO contact and I am also seeing a therapist with experience on narcissist abuse.
Thank you all. You guys really opened up my eyes for something I have never hear before ( narcissist relatinship).December 14, 2018 at 1:56 pm #732343
Oh I forgot to mention.
I blocked any means of comunication with me. I feel like a coward for doing so, but it is the only way.
I do not want to leave any open doors to him.December 14, 2018 at 2:05 pm #732346
GOOD FOR YOU!
Way to take control of your life. I am very happy for you.December 14, 2018 at 2:07 pm #732344
Good for you. I’m glad you are taking action and are seeking help to heal.
Best wishes to you.December 14, 2018 at 2:07 pm #732345
Matilda!!!! welcome to the rest of your life!
You should be very proud of yourself and I’m sure you learned a lot. Full steam ahead and don’t look back… Rock on!December 14, 2018 at 4:20 pm #732350
Change the locks on your door if he has keys to your place.