This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Honeypie 10 hours, 54 minutes ago.
March 13, 2019 at 4:33 pm #742784
This is kind of a vent too….
Long story short me and my EX have been broken up for 1 yr now. I feel that our (2yr) relationship was toxic and involved too much drama. It ended badly and we immediately stopped all contact, however he was calling me from an unknown number for months from when we broke up to about 6 months later when he finally came clean about him being the “mysterious caller”. Weird right. But it felt good to finally have good closure.
I feel for him, even though he messed up and is missing out on a good thing, he had sever family issues and his own father wanted to keep him a little boy. I really impacted his life, but its clear to me that he wants that old thing back. We’ve talked twice since the break up and all he wants to talk about is the past, and how he talks to his friends about us, and his friends & family that ask of me, and all the time we put in. He said he blocked me on social media bcuz that was the only way to stop him from stalking my page. But he still goes on my page thru other ppls fb.
I never blocked him bcuz a part of me always wanted to have the open door for him to contact me for our closure. But now that we have gotten there, Im wondering if i should block him. I have moved on, moved away, have a new fiance and I dont want to be reminded of that toxic relationship every time he wants to contact me.
My delima is, he’s a nice guy and Ive never felt the need to block an ex before. and even if i block him he might still call from other numbers. He’s just so broken deep down, and I feel bad about adding more pain. Or is this him making me feel bad. Block or not block?March 13, 2019 at 10:42 pm #742814
Don’t block. Just ignore. Once he finds someone new he’ll move on too.March 13, 2019 at 10:57 pm #742816
If you something dramatic you would only stir up more feelings in him and this will make him do more things. It is better not to do anything at this point, now that you have your closure. Let it gradually fade out. He is not going to call you from unknown numbers forever. You can simply ignore and delete those calls in the meantime.March 13, 2019 at 11:01 pm #742817
Agree with Sophia
If you block him, it means he can still get a reaction out of you..
TO him, even a negative reaction is better than no reaction. It’s still attention.
It will also keep him hooked/obsessed and he’ll find other ways to get to you.
If you COMPLETELY ignore him,
and it doesn’t matter how sad and weepy he may get ~do not let it get to you…
you have to act like he doesn’t exist and stick to it.
He WILL eventually give up and move on, which is best for him.
so that he can get on with his own life ASAPMarch 14, 2019 at 1:35 am #742825
I think my views differ. it doesn’t matter what he thinks now. you guys have discussed and have closed that chapter. its not like you have disappeared from his life. sometimes its important to cut off the past totally when you move on. I did wrt a guy I dated for a couple of years. towards the end it got very toxic. and the end breakoff was very bad. today I don’t bear him any ill will nor do I think about him. but whenever he comes to my mind it just leaves me disgruntled and a little sad. it is not a phase I want to remember. he had tried to connect with me on linked in a couple of years bac. but I simply blocked his profile. I am not hurting today but I do wish to close that chapter of my life totally. so you need to figure what you want. besides you are not responsible for his well being. its over and you guys are leading your separate lives. he must step up and start living his. I think its ok if you just block and forget him.March 14, 2019 at 8:51 am #742851
Wow, you all have some good points. And your right I dont owe him anything. I appreciate the feedback and its very comforting. I think Ima let it fade out. We have some closure. But just like the relationship, the closure seems incomplete, not fulfiling or satisfying. I was already mentally settling with the fact that we didnt have closure before he contacted me. So no talking on the phone and I may reply to some msgs but not all.March 14, 2019 at 10:39 am #742858
do what you think works best for you. not him. :-). if you can handle occasional contact then do that. its all about what works for you. :-). for me I realised that I didn’t want to be in touch at all with an ex. the past was done for. and I did not want any open doors. some relatnships end well and some don’t. few of my exes I am in occasional touch with. its all gud and friendly. no hard feelings.March 14, 2019 at 11:27 am #742866
First of all let me just say I find it totally crazy you’ve only been broken up with your ex for a year after a 2 year toxic relationship and you already have a fiance! And I actually feel bad for your fiance because no where in this post did you take into account your fiance’s feelings about you keeping in touch with an ex who you know wants you back. All you seem to be concerned about is whether you will hurt your ex by blocking him. If I found out my new fiance was staying in touch with an ex who they knew was still in love with them and wanted them back I wouldn’t be happy in the least. I would suggest you be more considerate of the man you are planning to marry than your ex and block him.March 14, 2019 at 11:39 am #742868
Totally what Kaye says. Why on earth are you giving all this thought around your ex? And does your fiancé know? And did he know about your chats with the ex too? If not then this is all secret and extremely disrespectful to him and I’ve no idea why your ex is so still in your thoughts, but you sure don’t seem ready to be seriously in another relationship to the point of engagement if you’re sat there pondering your ex and his feelings like this.March 14, 2019 at 3:46 pm #742888
@Kaye and @Honeypie I didnt mention my fiance because this post is not about my current relationship. And I’m not putting a lot of thought into my ex. I asked 1 question, block or not. Ive always allowed ex’s to contact me in the past. But I put the most time and energy into this last ex as it was also my longest relationship. So this is kinda new to me.
As I said my current relationship is not related to this discussion. But I will say that my fiance knows everything, I have nothing to hide. Plus I was upfront about everything concerning my ex from the very beginning and didnt even want a relationship at first. My fiance was the first guy I dated when I became single but I continued to date other guys. I wasnt looking for love and he wasnt even a prospect boyfriend at first. Honestly I still cant believe I’m in a new relationship this soon. I mean I had this guy jumping through hoops and fire and he was still calm and cool. He knew what he was getting into, he knew I didnt have closure with my ex and that one day he might pop up, yet kept pursing me. Which is why he handled it well when my ex popped up. He knows my ex wants me back, but he’s not being insecure over someone Im over. This is a very good example of how our love has grown so strongly in a short period of time. We are very in tune with each other.
Now Ima vent about the love of my life. Our love is so electric yet passionate. We are both goofy and silly. He’s a manly man but is very compassionate and understanding. He treats me well and reassures me of his love all the time. He pays all the bills. The sex is amazing, like really really good. We actually sit down and plan our furture and goals together. I surely took a chance on love by moving so quickly but tomorrow isnt promised. Sure everything isnt all great all the time, but I’d rather have at least felt a great love than have never felt a love so good.March 14, 2019 at 5:26 pm #742892
Me thinks the lady doth protest too much! A woman who has moved on and found the love of her life isn’t posting on a relationship forum going on about what a nice guy her ex is and how broken he is and worried about adding to his pain when the relationship was toxic. Your ex is even manipulating you now about how he had to block your page because he was stalking you but he still goes on it through other people’s FB. What is the point in blocking you then? If the relationship was toxic and you don’t want him contacting you to remind you of it then tell him you’ve moved on with your life, you’re getting married and you can’t continue to talk to him. Done. There were several ex boyfriends who still kept in touch with me and I cut them off after I got engaged. You are making this much harder than it has to be. Even in this age of social media, no one is guaranteed access to you.March 15, 2019 at 4:45 am #742920
OP what is your partners answer to your dilemma then?March 15, 2019 at 11:35 pm #743028
Good question Honeypie!March 19, 2019 at 4:27 pm #743387
@kaye I already explained my delima….I’m just curious of other peoples opinion. But what I dont understand is the slack your giving me, you seriously need to chill. This forum is for everyone to post about what their prior, current or future relationship issues. How you giving advice and slack you could have easily moved on. IJS
@honeypie I havent asked him. That didnt cross my mind, because I had caught a flight out of town visiting home when my ex hit me up. So I ask my man if he was playing a prank on my phone pretending to be my ex bcuz it was too much of a coincidence or set-up. But it wasnt him. But thats still so random to me, like my ex knew I was going home somehow.
I had a rough week last week, because I visited home for the first time since I moved, loved ones are still giving me a lil slack bcuz I moved. So now that my mind is clear I can see things clearly. I really dont mind exes contacting me and I dont mind occassionaly getting updates on how life is going with them. The reason I felt like blocking this ex was bcuz he was frustrating me with all that talk about the past and I was already frustrated being home. At the end of the it doesnt really matter if I block him or not. I just need to vent and let some steam out last week.March 19, 2019 at 5:20 pm #743395
OP I am confused. Surely you’d see it was ex’s number and couldn’t possibly be a prank ?
Maybe you should ask your fiancé what he thinks and show him the text, explain your feelings and make a decision together.