Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I believe him?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 2 years, 3 months ago by
tammy.
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Ingrid
Last weekend, I met a guy at a bar and we hit it off really well. We spent the night dancing, kissing and talking, and we also went to a diner to grab some late-night breakfast food. At the end of the night, he said he wanted to see me again for a dinner date this week, so we scheduled a time.
The next day, I found his Facebook profile, and to my surprise, his profile picture was a picture of him and another girl (he told me that she is now his ex-girlfriend). I saw that he still has a lot of photos of her on his profile and his relationship status said “in a relationship since 2015” (but it doesn’t say with who).
Considering his behavior from the previous night, I was really shocked, so I asked him about it. He said that she and he broke up 7 months ago, and then they tried to rekindle things a month later, but it still didn’t work out so they split again. He said he rarely posts on his Facebook profile (but he still checks his Facebook feed regularly), so he never bothered or had the urge to change his profile picture or update his relationship status. He said that he was doing it more for her rather than for him because she was pretty hurt over the breakup and wants to spare her feelings. He also said that he’s still friends with her and cares about her.
He said, “If I were still in a relationship with her, I would not have kissed you, asked you to dinner, or danced with you, I promise. I would not do that. And if you want to talk more about it, I’d be happy to answer any of your questions over dinner.”
He said that he appreciates my directness in bringing up the issue and that he should update his profile. I told him that it was unsettling for me when I saw the pictures and that I agree he should update it. He immediately changed his profile picture to a photo of just him, but he didn’t delete all the other photos of her and his relationship status still says “in a relationship”. He claims that he doesn’t know how to change/edit the relationship status on Facebook.
Should I believe him about any of this?
tammy
too soon to say any thing. but really its not that diff to edit status on facebuk. i think its ok if you meet him again but keep it lighthearted and just fun. don’t get too involved, don’t sleep with him, take your time and observe. now that your antennae is up, am sure you will immediately notice red flags if any.
Zoe
If it doesnt make sense then its most likely untrue. He is lying to you. Why would anyone keep a picture and a relationship status from 7 months ago?
Liz Lemon
I don’t believe any of it, sorry. It’s easy to change your relationship status on Facebook. Why would he publicly want people to think he’s in a relationship if he’s not? Would he walk around wearing a wedding ring if he’s not married?
And how would changing his Facebook status hurt his ex? They’re not together anymore, supposedly, so saying he’s in a relationship is a lie. Changing the atatus wouldn’t do a thing to hurt her.
I think he’s lying.
Rox
Hi,
I don’t think they are going out. But, maybe he doesn’t want his whole friend circle to know, as these FB status updates alert everyone.
You could simply say, I could teach you how to change it- otherwise I don’t think you’re over her.
Or he’s just lazy and he didn’t think you would look into him. I wouldn’t take him too seriously.mama
I would cautiously believe him. He did offer to share more info when you guys go to dinner, that seems fair. But also, proceed with much caution if you plan to go through with meeting up. This could be a red or yellow flag, he may not be over his ex.
Dex
OP, see my other post about the whole “oh she’s just an ex” but really they’re still married. Literally exact same thing here. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book among absolute scumbags that as soon as you find evidence of the current woman (maybe someone saw the guy with her and told you or in this case, you saw TONS of photos online) they just throw out a casual “oh she’s just my ex.” Really? Love to know what said woman would say if she were told that.
I think he’s a total f-boy and full of sh**. Agree with Zoe. I know it’s hard to hear because if you’ve been alone a while or had bad luck when you finally feel like you’ve “hit it off” you may have the urge to cling and can’t pull yourself away, but I’d be done with him. Respect yourself and know your worth!
Also sorry but seriously who can’t change a status on fb? Smh. Guys just lie out of their asses way too frequently and easily.
Ingrid
I agree with you guys. The story just doesn’t quite make sense. I was thinking that if he knew how to change his relationship status to “in a relationship”, then how can he not know how to change it back? And also, his “ex” still has pictures of them too. Her profile is more private and I can’t see her relationship status/other information, but I think it’s interesting that she still has old pictures of him too.
I’m not going on that dinner date with him. It’s better to stop things right now before they get too deep. I think I’m coming to the realization that I am the woman he cheated on her with (we kissed, for god’s sake!), which makes me feel naive, stupid and foolish. I also feel bad for the woman because no one deserves to be cheated on and continue living a lie, and I think it’s important for women to look out for one another.
Should I tell her that he’s cheating? I just don’t think it’s fair to her at all, but I’m not sure if I should get in the middle of it because on one hand, I don’t know her at all and I have to be ready for the potential consequences of telling her (and I also don’t have 100% solid evidence that they are still together), but on the other hand, why should we let men get away with this, especially as the person who was the “other woman”?
Liz Lemon
Cheating sucks, but I would walk away from this mess. You met this guy once and made out. He’s an a$$hole for that. If you had a long-standing affair or sexual relationship with him, my answer *might* be different, but this was a one-off. I’d walk away and not get myself in the middle of drama. That’s just me.
Also, you don’t know the circumstances, really. Maybe they’re on a break. Maybe he’s telling the truth and they broke up, but even if he was being honest, it illustrates that he and his ex are not over each other yet and haven’t let go (if you break up with someone but can’t take down your profile pic with them or change your relationship status, you’re far from truly being broken up). Given the lack of details that you know, I don’t think it’s worth getting involved.
tammy
if you have so many doubts after just 1 meeting, then its best to not take it further. You don’t know for sure hes still with his ex or hes really broken off. and you don’t know that woman. so best let this go.
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