Should I be careful with a guy who's very militant and aggressive?


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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Newbie 3 days, 17 hours ago.

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  • #794799 Reply

    Katy

    Is being militant and aggressive abuse?

    I’m dating a guy, I’ve been with him for 3 years. I don’t live with him because I have to support my sister financially. I’m thinking of moving out, I don’t have to pay rent when I live with him but I’m still helping my sister financially with our flat. I earn triple than minimum wage and we applied for a mortgage together. I can still support her by paying the mortgage on our flat.

    At times, he’s such a lovely guy but at times, he’d be really aggressive towards me, it’s not what he says, it’s the way he says it.

    Yesterday, I had a problem at work and started crying. I told him about how I felt about work, he got really upset because I shared my feelings with him. I have a feeling he didn’t know how to react and didn’t know what to say.

    We’re on lockdown here and he said to me it upsets him because he has to prepare breakfast himself, usually, breakfast is prepared for him, now it’s a lockdown, he has to do it himself. I’m not very good at cooking but he told me I should be able to cook like my mum. Is this abuse?

    #794800 Reply

    Newbie

    You have posted about this guy before and clearly the answers given were 1 stay with the guy, it fine or 2 being agressive towards you can be an issue but you didnt listen.
    What more are you looking here for advice?

    #794801 Reply

    Newbie

    Your gut is a precious antenna to sense if something is off. If you keep posting about your bf it means your gut is sensing something is off, but you ignore it anyway. So no matter what we say, you are not able to break up if you had to or adress it properly with your bf. Your head stays in the sand. I cant tell you for sure if your man is overly agressive. People who do know and who also know you are family and friends. Have they been warning you about him? Have you talked to them? They can give you more insight besides your gut

    #794802 Reply

    Katy

    I’m just really hesitant to leave. I really want us to work out but at the same time, I’m scared he’ll become emotionally abusive as soon as I live with him but at the same time, I think of him as a great guy who we could talk about anything for hours, except when I let him know about how I feel about certain things.

    #794975 Reply

    Raven

    You shouldn’t be ‘careful’ You should leave!

    #794985 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    “I think of him as a great guy who we could talk about anything for hours, except when I let him know about how I feel about certain things.”

    This is how the cycle of abuse works. Abusive guys are not abusive 100% of the time. They can actually be quite charming and loving some of the time. I was in an abusive relationship. Sometimes my ex was the sweetest guy in the world, and other times he was extremely aggressive with me. And, he would blame his aggression on minor or insignificant things I did. I was walking on eggshells constantly.

    The fact that you can’t tell your fiance “certain things” because he will become aggressive is a red flag. It doesn’t matter if he’s a “great guy” sometimes and you can talk about some things; he gets upset and aggressive if you talk about your feelings. You’re afraid he’ll become abusive if you try to leave. He’s upset with you because he has to cook his own breakfast under the lockdown. These aren’t the actions of a nice guy.

    And yes you have posted here before about him. Your gut is trying to tell you something, you should listen to your instincts!

    #794988 Reply

    Katy

    Thanks, guys,

    It’s so easy for people to say to get out but it’s not really easy to get out if they’re in my shoes. I could easily say the same thing to my friends if they were abused. It actually is really hard to get out.

    I’m not saying to not follow my gut, I’m thankful for my gut instinct, it’s just getting out that’s the hard part.

    #794989 Reply

    Newbie

    Its not easy, its hard. But you only have one life to live and its up to you how you spend it. You have a sister, talk to her. You dont have to be alone making tough decisions

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