This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Newbie 6 months, 3 weeks ago.
June 29, 2020 at 7:34 am #794799
Is being militant and aggressive abuse?
I’m dating a guy, I’ve been with him for 3 years. I don’t live with him because I have to support my sister financially. I’m thinking of moving out, I don’t have to pay rent when I live with him but I’m still helping my sister financially with our flat. I earn triple than minimum wage and we applied for a mortgage together. I can still support her by paying the mortgage on our flat.
At times, he’s such a lovely guy but at times, he’d be really aggressive towards me, it’s not what he says, it’s the way he says it.
Yesterday, I had a problem at work and started crying. I told him about how I felt about work, he got really upset because I shared my feelings with him. I have a feeling he didn’t know how to react and didn’t know what to say.
We’re on lockdown here and he said to me it upsets him because he has to prepare breakfast himself, usually, breakfast is prepared for him, now it’s a lockdown, he has to do it himself. I’m not very good at cooking but he told me I should be able to cook like my mum. Is this abuse?June 29, 2020 at 7:58 am #794800
You have posted about this guy before and clearly the answers given were 1 stay with the guy, it fine or 2 being agressive towards you can be an issue but you didnt listen.
What more are you looking here for advice?June 29, 2020 at 8:07 am #794801
Your gut is a precious antenna to sense if something is off. If you keep posting about your bf it means your gut is sensing something is off, but you ignore it anyway. So no matter what we say, you are not able to break up if you had to or adress it properly with your bf. Your head stays in the sand. I cant tell you for sure if your man is overly agressive. People who do know and who also know you are family and friends. Have they been warning you about him? Have you talked to them? They can give you more insight besides your gutJune 29, 2020 at 8:09 am #794802
I’m just really hesitant to leave. I really want us to work out but at the same time, I’m scared he’ll become emotionally abusive as soon as I live with him but at the same time, I think of him as a great guy who we could talk about anything for hours, except when I let him know about how I feel about certain things.June 29, 2020 at 1:14 pm #794975
You shouldn’t be ‘careful’ You should leave!June 29, 2020 at 1:49 pm #794985
“I think of him as a great guy who we could talk about anything for hours, except when I let him know about how I feel about certain things.”
This is how the cycle of abuse works. Abusive guys are not abusive 100% of the time. They can actually be quite charming and loving some of the time. I was in an abusive relationship. Sometimes my ex was the sweetest guy in the world, and other times he was extremely aggressive with me. And, he would blame his aggression on minor or insignificant things I did. I was walking on eggshells constantly.
The fact that you can’t tell your fiance “certain things” because he will become aggressive is a red flag. It doesn’t matter if he’s a “great guy” sometimes and you can talk about some things; he gets upset and aggressive if you talk about your feelings. You’re afraid he’ll become abusive if you try to leave. He’s upset with you because he has to cook his own breakfast under the lockdown. These aren’t the actions of a nice guy.
And yes you have posted here before about him. Your gut is trying to tell you something, you should listen to your instincts!June 29, 2020 at 2:06 pm #794988
It’s so easy for people to say to get out but it’s not really easy to get out if they’re in my shoes. I could easily say the same thing to my friends if they were abused. It actually is really hard to get out.
I’m not saying to not follow my gut, I’m thankful for my gut instinct, it’s just getting out that’s the hard part.June 29, 2020 at 2:09 pm #794989
Its not easy, its hard. But you only have one life to live and its up to you how you spend it. You have a sister, talk to her. You dont have to be alone making tough decisions