should I be annoyed?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Hannah 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #683409 Reply


    I live with my partner, I’m domesticated but he goes out a lot. I normally go to bed at 10pm. I don’t sleep well when he is out, I guess subconsciously I know I will be waken up when he’s back.I once tried to ask him if he could come home before 10pm on weekdays, he got very defensive saying I have no right to tell him what time to come home.

    Last night he went out with a friend and came home about 10:30pm. I didn’t complain.

    Tonight he went out again to watch sports, it’s close to mid-night now but he is still out. The last message he sent was in the morning telling me he would be out.

    I can’t sleep and am feeling increasingly annoyed with him. I feel he has no consideration of my needs. and two nights in a row going out….

    Should I be annoyed or am I overracting?

    #683416 Reply


    yes. You are not his mother. This is what drives men away. drink some sleepy time tea.

    #683423 Reply


    ehhh to a certain extent… he can do whatever he wants. but then again you do need your sleep just tell him to be quiet when he gets home or take some sleeping medicine.

    in relationships you always have to compromise

    #683432 Reply


    Well, he can make the same argument against you. Your reason for wanting him home is selfish; telling him you miss him would be a better means to having him home if you miss him. If it’s about him disrupting your sleep however…that is your problem, not his.

    I think it’s nice you trust each other and don’t fight about that. You may be taking for granted that he actually comes back home too, but I’m not sure from limited information in your post.

    This issue may be a deal breaker since y’all are clearly on two different levels when it comes to socializing. I don’t see how him coming home to get into bed with you is that disruptive anyway…the issue seems biased toward control in my opinion and I would have responded the way he did myself.

    You also contradict yourself saying it’s midnight and he’s still out but he hasn’t come back home to wake you so I suspect you figure out if you are trying to control him or if you miss him. One of these is solvable, the other is not and an issue of being incompatible. If he chooses to go out twice in a row, well, he can…I wonder why you don’t join him a little more often, you know, go into his world with him. That might be a good resolution for the both of you, one night in, one night out.

    #683441 Reply


    I must say I never go to bed early and, when I go out, I’d never be home by 10 or even 10.30.

    You must have known he was like this before you moved in together?

    Remember he may find it equally frustrating that you want to stay in all the time and go to bed so early.

    Moving in together always takes time to adjust to. Sometimes you realise you’re just not compatible. This happened when I moved in with my ex. He wanted his friends over all the time and it drove me crazy!

    I would try to find a compromise. What’s the rest of your relationship like? How much quality time do you get together if he’s out a lot and you go to bed at different times?

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