Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Should I ask him? How?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 1 month ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Ran
I’ve had an on/off relationship with someone for quite a while.
This summer everything got awkward after we slept together since he went on holiday and disappeared. I didn’t contact him because I was so shocked I couldn’t understand anything.
Later in autumn we started texting each other but he wouldn’t give me any explanation so I asked for it. He apologized but said there was no particular reason for it and that he didn’t mean to hurt me. Since then every time we talk I feel uneasy.
One day on Instagram I found out a girl’s profile and she had a couple of pictures with him, all of them hiking, one of them from this summer, when he disappeared. The pics don’t show anything romantic but I felt awful when I saw them. He has never uploaded anything involving her.
Lately he is the one always texting me and even acting flirty and I haven’t seen anything else for months on Instagram until this weekend.
She uploaded a couple of pics on some mountains near his village (she lives 1 hour drive away) and I went crazy when I saw them.I am so tired of this and feel really angry. I believe I deserve some honesty even if it is for the sake of respect, so I was wondering if I could ask him and just get it cleared.
How would you approach it?
Thank you
Ewa
I am sorry but first of all he did not confirm anything secondly you expect an apology from a man you never really dated? Men are rarely honest, he is not going to make himself look like a bad guy by telling you :oh yeah I was seeing you and that other girl at the same time.
you want to be respected, then how about stop checking his insta , stop waiting for apology and stop replying or contacting him. easy as that
Ran
The on/off situation has been going on for more than 4 years and we have been through really tough situations such as an accident.
I’m only asking for something fair and not to treat me as a stupid doormat.
cupcake
This sounds like a casual dating/hooking up kinda thing. I am not sure what you need cleared up? I mean you say you were in an on/off relationship, but was there ever talk about exclusivity or actually having a relationship? Bc to me it doesn‘t sound like it.
However, you clearly want more than that so just tell him that you are looking for something serious and if he is not up for that then you will move on
cupcake
Also only just read your reply to Ewa…and yeah I think its time to move on. You ve been this guys fallback girl/bootycall/fwb whatever you wanna call it for 4 years!
You want something fair and not be treated like a doormat? Then stop letting him treat you like that. Walk away from this guy. If he hasn‘t treated you fairly in the past 4 years, he certainly won‘t start now.
You deserve better
Liz Lemon
This guy hasn’t locked you down in 4 years. He’s not going to. You can’t control his behavior, or force him to acknowledge anything, or apologize. The only person you can control is you. You can stop being available. You are angry at him for treating you this way, but you are allowing him to do it. So don’t allow it. Don’t engage with him, don’t respond to his texts, block him and move on.
I understand you think it’s unfair. You feel cheated and want closure, but you get closure from within yourself, not from him. Think about it, will it really make you feel better for him to say “yes, I was seeing another girl when I was sleeping with you. Yes, I prefer her to you.” You don’t need to hear that. His actions are already showing it. The best thing you can do is walk away with dignity at this point.
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